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Ekona

The worst day

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I've no real idea where to start here tbh. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically, and I still have to get up for work in the morning. But I need to vent, and you guys on here are like friends to me (some of you are actual friends to me!) so sharing is caring and all that. Just puts everything in perspective

 

Had a call from the wife this afternoon whilst I was at work, in tears. She told me that she had to go and see Roberta, her best friend, who lives about 2.5hrs from us. Now Roberta has a history of miscarriages, and at this point I immediately knew what was coming as I know she's quite far along in her current pregnancy. I was wrong.

 

"Andrew's dead."

 

Andrew is the name of Roberta's husband. F***. Just f***.

 

 

To save a long story, he died in a single car accident this morning on his way to work. 3 miles from the office, his car left the road and hit a tree. We literally have no more details than that right now, as the police and coroner are still investigating. They didn't tell Rob(erta) until half past five this evening when she got in from work. She went the entire day without knowing her husband was dead. She's due to give birth to their first child next month. Andrew was only 29, and they were only married two years ago. Jo was matron of honour at their wedding, whilst I did photographer duties. We were there the day that Rob and Andrew met, at another friend's wedding.

 

Andrew stood about 7ft tall, and must've weighed about 18 stone. The guy was an American footballer, and you would absolutely believe it from the size of him. Yet he was an absolute gentle giant, and went out of his way to help me find work last year by putting words in and getting my CV in the right place. All he ever wanted from life was to have a kid, and know he's dead. 24 hours ago, he wasn't. My mind just cannot comprehend that right now, at all. A lovlier, nicer guy I've yet to meet.

 

You watch a film where the hero dies leaving his pregnant wife behind. Hell, you even read about it on the cover of trashy women's dailys. But it doesn't happen in the real world. Ever. Except it did today. We drove to see Rob this evening, and I've left Jo there with her for the weekend. Sitting there with Rob, who cannot cry any more tears today, and watching her delete all Andrew's stuff off the Sky planner because she can't deal with the series popping up randomly on her, and listening to her call people and tell them matter of factly that her husband is dead, absolutely filled my soul with a horror I never thought possible. Discussing what happens with Andrew's car (does the insurance pay out? Will it cover the loan? How much does she have to pay if not?), and what will she do with all his RC cars in the garage, and then will she go and see his body when it's released to the family. These are things that I don't even know where to start. I mean I do, but how does someone grieving deal with that?

 

Now I've massive issues happening in my life too right now (some of you know), but they pale into nothing compared with this. Literally nothing matters right now. I can't stop thinking about the accident. Was he on his phone? Did he just lose grip? Did someone carve him up? Did he die instantly, or did he sit there bleeding out knowing he'd never see his unborn child? And thinking about that poor kid growing up never knowing his father just brings me to tears, and I don't even have kids. We know that he fitted new wheels the other week, so was he not used to the new tyres? Or was he just going too fast? I'm not sure we'll ever know; I've no idea how in-depth an inquest will be. I'm not even his wife and I want so many answers.

 

 

All I know is that this always happens to other people. Not this time. RIP Andrew mate, we'll look after Rob and the little one for you now fella.

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Sorry to hear that.... really tragic story

 

Having a family member or friend pass on puts things into perspective but when it’s something like this it makes it harder to digest. Like you mentioned you’re struggling to comprehend the situation- no one can understand what his wife is going through 

 

All I can say is time heals everything. In some cases longer than others and in her case every time she looks at the child she will remember this, her joy will be sadness at the start. But eventually she will come to terms with it and move on with her and the little one’s lives

 

Makes you appreciate what you have......

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My condolences to the family and friends.

A tragic tale to hear.

Though I never knew you RIP Andrew.

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Im really sorry to hear that and it is going to hurt you wouldnt be human if it didnt. But right now you have to be strong for her she is going to be reaching out to anyone and everyone to be a pillar for her to hold herself up on, she might close up or she might want to talk and talk to help her process what has happened but all the advice I can give is make sure whoever it is there is always some available for her to talk to. 

 

I might not know her personally or even yourself but im so sorry for what happened you wouldnt want this happening to anyone not to mention someone you really do value as a fantastic person. Stay strong and from the bottom of my heart I hope it gets easier for all involved.

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Really  sorry to have to read this Dan.

Our condolences to the family.

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That's awful mate, sorry to hear that. It's normal to feel the way you do, his age also compounds it somewhat. It will feel like a terrible injustice and unfair and the "what if" questions will continue to do the rounds for some considerable time. The only way to help everyone to recover is to be there for each other through this tough time. It's easy to detach from this sort of thing until it happens close to you, your reaction is perfectly normal for such a tragic incident. 

You will all miss him terribly and showing strength and unity to his wife is all you can do. This is even more important when baby arrives as little one is part of him and as such the grief may return even stronger for her. 

I don't really know what else to say aside from the obvious so instead I will leave it there.

All the best Dan and heartfelt condolences to everyone involved.

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Sorry to hear this, it's tragic to lose one so young. 

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Very sobering reading indeed and puts your own problems into perspective. 

 

I dont know whats going on atm but over the last few weeks I am hearing more and more things exactly like this, where people are tragically dying young and out of the blue etc. either through accidents or cancer/illness. Maybe its co-incidence, or maybe its a sign, but its certainly making me think a lot about life & death atm.

 

My condolences to everyone.

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Jesus what a horrible day, so sorry to hear it mate. Great that you and Jo are able to support, I’m sure it’s very much appreciated. I lost a friend of a similar age, passenger when the prick driver of the car he was in decided to do a blind overtake to show off. Him and his fiancée just gone. I was texting him about something and just no reply for a day, seemed weird, until a mutual friend got in touch.

 

Nothing is as jarring as being reminded of how fragile and quickly extinguished life can be. Thinking of you mate. Get in touch if you ever need to chat.

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Really sorry to hear this Dan, It's such a shock, out of the blue and so many questions that can not be answered. Condolences to the family. 

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Sorry to hear this Dan, can imagine what you are feeling having lost an older cousin on the road when I was younger he was an bright shining light in the room and every minute spent with him was a joy. I remember at the time being utterly devastated but now all I remember are his inane grins, stupid jokes, monkeying around and that great feeling you got when he was around and none of the bad stuff - it does get easier pal. Thoughts are with you mate. 

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Sincere condolences. The world has a way of lulling you for years then crashing out around your ears. Stay strong but allow yourself to cry when you need to.

Everyone who has read your post will be sobered, will take that little bit of extra care today, and will thinking of you and your friends.

 

 

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Wow, I don't really know what to say other than my condolences. A truly sobering story, that I'm sure will be on all our thoughts!

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Tragic, tragic news and fully understand why you and Jo are in bits over the loss of your friend and the impact on his wife, family and all their friends.

 

Sincere condolences.

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Sorry to hear this Dan and very sorry for your loss. Sadly, I know exactly what you must be feeling now having been through something similar last year. I'd like to tell you that it gets easier, but not so far... 

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Condolences to the family and sorry for your loss. Not an easy one, been through 3 deaths (close family member, due to illness) last year. Things happened too quickly and until today, I still thought they are around.  You guys are doing a great thing by supporting the family, respect!!

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Thank you all for your kind words, I know it’s a cliche but it’s really helped. Managed to get to work today despite just a couple of hours sleep, oddly I’m not remotely tired so I guess this is shock? I don’t know. 

 

Coroner and family liaison officer are round now apparently, so I guess we’ll know more soon. Just so, so weird this morning. I just don’t get it. 

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Sorry to read this story Dan and to see you loose such a good friend. Sounds like you and your wife are doing all that you can which is what being good friends is all about. Well done for stepping up, take care of yourself and everyone involved.

 

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Dear god, That's just so sad. Of course, there are no words that make it better. All i can do is offer a truly heartfelt sorry for the loss of a good friend/person/father/son or possibly brother to whoever it concerns. 

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Dan, Sorry to hear this mate, Life can be so cruel at times. You have to keep your chin up, think of the good things. Be there to support others, look after yourself and loved ones.

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I am sorry to say i have dealt with an awful lot of loss of life in my shortish time around, all ages, family and friends, i can only say one day the tears will be replaced with smiles and laughter with the memory of a great friend which i am sure is how Andrew would want it :)

 

Just to add, whilst it may be a massive struggle to face work, its great to fill your head with other stuff so make the effort to go, even though it wont seem like it, you will be distracted by it.

Edited by Jetpilot
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Gets worse, now looks like they didn’t even have mortgage life cover for whatever reason, we’re hoping it’s a mistake but it’s now getting to the point where you couldn’t make this stuff up. 

 

Had a bit of a moment at work earlier, back to feeling numb again. Rob has spoken to the police and the coroner, sounds like a combination of him going too fast in an NSL and clipping a bump in the road. Took off, clipped a tree, then rolled the car several times. So hopefully it was quick. 

 

Sorry to keep posting morbid stuff here, but for obvious reasons I’m keeping it off social media and I’ve nowhere else I feel comfortable offloading. 

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No need to apologise, if talking/typing helps, offload away.

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