Paddy78 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 ah, but those of us who have them ...............enjoy every minute of it Sounds like something a TVR owner might say.......Whilst sheltering under a bush waiting for the RAC. Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk Literally wetting myself 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADPHONES Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 When friends without kids ask me what it's like having 2 I tell them to watch "the pill" clip from the matrix. Pick the blue pill and stay childless. Enjoy your freedom. Indulge yourself in your own interests and passions. Enjoy more disposable income and life with less responsibility, blissfully ignorant of the joy a child can bring. OR Pick the red pill. Have a sprog. Kiss goodbye to sleep. Say farewell to the freedom and a carefree life. BUT....learn the truth about life as a parent. Experience the happiness and love only felt between a parent and a child. So how is my life now? Once again I quote the Matrix EVERTHING TASTES LIKE CHICKEN 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADPHONES Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) I'm often envious of those who chose the "blue" pill living their carefree lives........but only for a moment until I see or hear my kids. Couldn't be "plugged back into the matrix" now I've experienced the love from my kids. Anyway we all digress, I hope the OP finds a solution to his problem as I know how down I felt at home and at work for over 2 years bottling things up letting them fester, infecting my life like a cancer. Just thinking back brings a tight sensation in my chest . Ironically my Zed was my oasis of calm. Once in my zed I'd stick on some tunes and my worries would fade away for a while while enjoyed the drive. Literally giving me some breathing space. I'm only in South Manchester so if you fancy a little mini meet to talk zeds or life PM me Edited March 23, 2016 by HEADPHONES Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WINKJ Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 TT - one bit of advice I can offer is that if you do try and talk it though with her, whatever you do don't mention you posted a question about your relationship on "the forum".... Unless you are going to end the relationship!! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeezeebaba Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) My children have enriched my life so much, they put a massive strain on our relationship for a while but we are through that now. My son is now 18 and fairly independent (that's why I bought a two seater ) my daughter is 10 so a few years to go yet. I'm glad we worked out our issues by talking and appreciating what we had was worth saving. It's so easy to get into a rut and all to easy for the stress of the everyday to wade in and scupper things. It may be a cliché but we started by talking about when we first met and what attracted us to each other, this provided a benchmark to take the conversation forward to the present day and the reasons we were drifting apart was obvious. Edited March 23, 2016 by Zeezeebaba Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 From my experience, children is the easy bit. Its the wife/girlfriend/other half and their pets which is the problem. Since I met my other half, I have one by one given up every single one of my hobbies as I just do not have any spare time to do them. I now do 3 times as many chores / daily house tasks as I had when I lived on my own as not only do I have to do all my own washing/cooking/cleaning but also clean up after her, plus all her pets, plus the kids. Take today for instance, and this is pretty much every single day off my life now.... I got up at 6am well before anyone else in the house. I stuck the washing machine on as it was full. I washed up the food plates & stuff the wife left over in the sink from last night (id already washed my stuff up the night before), I tidied the lounge as sweet wrappers, drink bottles, used tissues etc. left everywhere. Quickly hoovered around downstairs. Cleared out the litter trays, fed the animals, made my lunch, ironed my shirt, had a shower. Quickly checked work emails and made myself a cup of tea. I could then hear the little one waking up, so made his milk ready, got him up & dressed. Other half was still in bed. Take little one downstairs to allow the other half to "get ready". Washing machine now finished, so I sort clothes out, put dryer on. Make little one breakfast, make myself some. Play with little one for about 15mins. Clear litter trays out again as the animals have now had their morning dumps. One now throws up all over the floor so I clean that up. Other half now comes down stairs, so I go back up stairs, pick wet towels up off the bedroom floor and put on the radiators to dry, make the beds, tidy rubbish up off the floor which other half has left there, tidy little ones room up, then come down stairs again. Dryer is finished now so I sort clothes out and put them away whilst other half watches telly whilst playing on her phone. I then down my cup of tea which is now stone cold & leave for work, dropping the little one off at his childminder/nursery on the way. Ive been up 2 hours already and now have a 1hr 30min drive into work. At the other end of the day, its pretty similar, get home from work after another 1hr 30mins drive, clean out litter trays, tidy up all the new rubbish which seems to have appeared in the lounge during the day, wash up the new load of plates & stuff which have appeared in the washing up bowl whilst ive been at work. The clothes/towels which were left on the radiators during the day are now dry so I fold up them and put them away. Run bath for little one, get his milk ready, feed the animals their evening meal & let them outside to play. Put little one to bed and by now its rapidly approaching 8pm. Ive still got to make my own tea if I want anything to eat and so that maybe gives me 1hr to have a workout if I want to end up sitting down at 10pm for my evening meal, although by then im very often so shattered I just want to go to bed and sleep. Out of all that if I do a time/motion study, id guess only a small fraction is down to children, getting them up, dressed, fed and off to nursery doesnt take long. Compare all this with how it used to be.... id get up at 6.30am, have a workout for 1 hour, then make my breakfast & lunch, eat a relaxing breakfast and have a nice warm cup of tea, then drive to work. Get home from work at 6pm, have a workout for an hour, have a shower and then it would still only be 7.30pm and id have the whole evening ahead of me to go out with mates, play on xbox, watch a movie etc. Weekends id have so much free time I could spent all Sunday morning on the car, or out on the bike or playing football, whatever I wanted and still spend the rest of the weekend with my girlfriend. From what TT350 says, realistically the only way forward will be to end it. You can look back at the good old days of the relationship but things have changed and in my experience they wont go back even if both of you tried. In my situation I just dont know how the OH would cope looking after a kid plus a whole zoo of animals by herself if she cant look after them now, and my pride/stubbornness says that I made my bed so I must lie in it. Plus I dont want some other bloke hanging around my kid as a "dad figure". Maybe when they are older things can change. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Bloody hell, what does she do?? Do you want to come and live with me? (As long as you put the loo seat down.......) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wayne370Z Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 (edited) Bloody hell indeed. I don`t do anywhere near as much as that around the house and I`m home all day while the wife`s working 3 days a week. We have no pets though messing the place up and neither hers nor my kids living with us and they`re not allowed to bring their pets so use that as an excuse and rarely come to visit. So there`s never really any mess to clean up but I certainly wouldn`t be cleaning any mess the wife made if there was just because she couldn`t be bothered to clean up behind herself. It would be time to look for wife Number 4 if that was the case. Edited March 23, 2016 by Wayne370Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I think he should go on strike! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 That's not a marriage, that's slavery. No chance in hell I'd be putting up with that without having a moan/making sure the other half did an equal share. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 That's not a marriage, that's slavery. No chance in hell I'd be putting up with that without having a moan/making sure the other half did an equal share. I moan all the time, still end up doing loads more. Perhaps I need lessons? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brillomaster Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 simple answer - do less. certainly wouldn't be washing up dishes after her or picking up her rubbish. I often employ the 'kick OHs mess over to her side of the bedroom' tactic. Also, why empty the litter trays before you go to work? that's an easy one for you not to do, and has a very big impact when suddenly the house starts stinking to high heaven all day! and do your own laundry - take OHs clothes out the washing machine, dump on floor. wash your stuff. problem is peoples tolerance to mess is never the same - whoevers tolerance is lower ends up doing all the work. Take the low road and live in squalor for a while, wash and tidy the bare minimum of stuff for you to get by, and no more. you may need a clothes peg for your nose due to the litter trays! Find out how bad your other half is prepared to let things get before she steps in and does something, then decide if that level is acceptable to you or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 simple answer - do less. certainly wouldn't be washing up dishes after her or picking up her rubbish. I often employ the 'kick OHs mess over to her side of the bedroom' tactic. Also, why empty the litter trays before you go to work? that's an easy one for you not to do, and has a very big impact when suddenly the house starts stinking to high heaven all day! and do your own laundry - take OHs clothes out the washing machine, dump on floor. wash your stuff. problem is peoples tolerance to mess is never the same - whoevers tolerance is lower ends up doing all the work. Take the low road and live in squalor for a while, wash and tidy the bare minimum of stuff for you to get by, and no more. you may need a clothes peg for your nose due to the litter trays! Find out how bad your other half is prepared to let things get before she steps in and does something, then decide if that level is acceptable to you or not. you havent seen the bedroom. My side is spotless with all my clothes in the cupboard, she has 2 double wardrobes and yet her side is piled high with clothes all over the floor like some teenagers bedroom. I have left the littler trays before but they then get so full the cats decide its better to have a crap all over the new carpets I had fitted. Sometimes a crap can stay in the corner of the living room all day until I come in and its the first thing i smell so i move it before our little kid starts to play with it. Its as if she doesnt even notice it. And ive left the dishes before but the sink then gets so full that I am unable to wash my own dishes so i end up washing everything up in order to do my own. As its my own house & ive spent a fortune redoing it all with brand new everything, I believe it should remain looking in nice new condition. It only takes a quick wipe up or putting something away in order to keep on top of stuff. I have mentioned it all before to her, especially the lack of cleaning. But in her eyes the solution to that was rather than her do any cleaning, was to get a cleaner to come in once a week. Unfortunately she thinks a cleaner giving a quick "once over" for an hour a week is enough to clean an entire 4 bed house. I used to spend an hour alone cleaning the bathroom/toilets alone every Sunday morning. At least hopefully this makes the OP feel a bit better that things could be worse! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 I agree with Brillo, just stop doing her stuff. No clean clothes, no food, she'll soon get fed up of that. I wouldn't not clean the cats out as that's not fair on them, and I wouldn't want to live in a craphole either so I'd still be cleaning. It's a bit awkward since you've got kids, but you could take all the plates and cutlery away (lock them round a mate's house or in a box at work or whatever) apart from one set for you and the kids. That way, you only ever wash up what is yours and theirs, and she will have to have paper plates and plastic cups and cutlery. That would get tiring for her really fast... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brillomaster Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 ahhh. if shes happy to be in a house with a cat poo in the corner all day i'm not sure she's the one unfortunately, sounds like you might not be that compatible... this is probably a silly question, but did you not realise how unclean she was before you started living together? she cant have started out alright and since moving in its got so bad she now cant even be bothered to clean animal crap off the carpet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeezeebaba Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Haha what a read. My OH does the clothes on the floor thing and a bit of overnight washing up from time to time. Other than that she does the washing and the house on a Sunday and I potter and hoover etc during the week. Because I work 12 hours and she works 8 we have devised a balanced routine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrian@TORQEN Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 We need another topic for rabbitstew's situation!!! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 We need another topic for rabbitstew's situation!!! I feel like offering to go round and help him out! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 We need another topic for rabbitstew's situation!!! I feel like offering to go round and help him out! Rabbitstew needs a big bloody hug for sure! Think we should all take him out for the night.....he must be at breaking point! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 SOR Save Our Rabbitstew 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toon Chris Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Lots of mentions about talking with each other and how important that is (and it is), but it looks like that isn't getting the problem sorted. Don't ditch what has been and could be good again just because you can't find common ground now. The next talk should be "we both know this isn't working properly, we don't seem able to work it out ourselves but we need to do something about it quickly or we will fall apart, let's book a session with a relationship councillor and see where that goes". The Cancer volunteering is great as you really will see people who have a much harsher life to live than you do and it gives you some perspective, but that doesn't belittle how you feel when you are unhappy and you have to do something about that. You will learn a lot with a professional and neutral counselling session. You probably only need one to see if it's going to work or not but you really don't seem to be getting anywhere on your own do you? If it turns out it really is over then better to be sad after genuinely trying than emotionally crushed after giving up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Kids. Hell no. One of my friends' sister looked at me puzzled one time when I said that I didn't want kids. She said "what's the point to life then?" That made me a bit sad for her. That she couldn't see past her own little snippet of the world. No desire to travel and see the rest of the planet. Imagine, living in Rochdale, never leaving it and being content with it. Scary. My best friend is a new father. He's completely binned all his mates since his daughter was born. He goes to work, goes home, stares at the baby, goes to bed and repeats the next day and he's blissfully happy. Again, he has no desire to do or see anything else in life. I feel a lot of people have children to give themselves a purpose and basically, something to do/live for. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 If people want kids I say fair play, as long they can afford it etc. The only thing that really winds me up is when parents give you the whole "you don't know what you're missing" / "you will do one day" line. I'm 46, I don't particularly like children and I've never ever wanted them. But I still get told I'll want them one day! My better half gets it even more - some women just can't accept that she just doesnt want kids. Drives her bonkers. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEUS Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 If people want kids I say fair play, as long they can afford it etc. The only thing that really winds me up is when parents give you the whole "you don't know what you're missing" / "you will do one day" line. I'm 46, I don't particularly like children and I've never ever wanted them. But I still get told I'll want them one day! My better half gets it even more - some women just can't accept that she just doesnt want kids. Drives her bonkers. I totally get where your coming from! I have the same things said to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dougtosh Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Imagine, living in Rochdale, never leaving it and being content with it. Scary. Is this a synopsis for a Stephan King book? Just read through this post, Hope all works out for you,,also try a bottle of wine or 2 next time you TALK, alcohol tends to free emotions ,for good or bad PS kids are great ,especially when they move out and get their own house Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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