Beavis Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) I have was in a very abusive relationship with a woman in 2013, she had me banged up that Christmas. She turned up at my door at the end of October 2014. She re-contacted me on January 1st this year, we chatted and i foolishly went along with it for another two months. But the abuse began again. It is now over and i have contacted her mother and father to tell her to never contact me again. She was 46 and i doubt you would find a more attractive woman for her age. But really thats all she was...very pretty on the outside but quite horrible on the inside. I have spent the last couple of years studying about men in abusive relationships and its more common than you think. I am 52 now and i think your better off staying single. They are all ****ing nuts! lol Edited March 22, 2016 by Beavis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEUS Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I have was in a very abusive relationship with a woman in 2013, she had me banged up that Christmas. She turned up at my door at the end of October 2014. She re-contacted me on January 1st this year, we chatted and i foolishly went along with it for another two months. But the abuse began again. It is now over and i have contacted her mother and father to tell her to never contact me again. She was 46 and i doubt you would find a more attractive woman for her age. But really thats all she was...very pretty on the outside but quite horrible on the inside. I have spent the last couple of years studying about men in abusive relationships and its more common than you think. I am 52 now and i think your better off staying single. They are all ****ing nuts! lol I've had a very similar experience with an ex which saw me arrested a couple of times through no fault of my own. It was pure hell for 3 years and then another 18 months afterwards, almost drove me to suicide at one point it got so bad. But now I have been with my Mrs for 5 years and she is just amazing, never fall out or argue and do lots together and separate. I'm getting married next year so it just goes to show how things can turn around for you. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADPHONES Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Met my missus at 19. Got married at 21. 44 now. Everything was bliss. had 2 kids 7 and 4 yrs ago. Big change in lifestyle. No time to do what we used to do as individuals or as a couple. Strain took its toll and we both felt as you do. I resented trying to do THE RIGHT THING coming home after work and sharing the chors cooking etc. Gave up Kungfu which I'd done every day since 16. I'd say around the time 2nd kid came was hardest part of my life emotionally. BUT....we talked through it. Make sure we both havr a little ME time each. Obviously not as much as pre kids. This makes life much better. Gradually the "can't stand being in the same room" feeling disappeared. Love is in the air again. There is hope sometimes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Met my missus at 19. Got married at 21. 44 now. Everything was bliss. had 2 kids 7 and 4 yrs ago. Big change in lifestyle. No time to do what we used to do as individuals or as a couple. Strain took its toll and we both felt as you do. I resented trying to do THE RIGHT THING coming home after work and sharing the chors cooking etc. Gave up Kungfu which I'd done every day since 16. I'd say around the time 2nd kid came was hardest part of my life emotionally. BUT....we talked through it. Make sure we both havr a little ME time each. Obviously not as much as pre kids. This makes life much better. Gradually the "can't stand being in the same room" feeling disappeared. Love is in the air again. There is hope sometimes Same here Headphones! Was 19 when I met OH, engaged at 20. You put that much time and energy into a relationship, it's harder to just give up and walk away when things get tough. Sometimes you have to get to breaking point first, but you work things out eventually. Kids do put a big strain on even the best relationships! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
14N Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Just found this post and only read first few comments (and the advice given). I really need this thread right now, so commenting so I can find it later when I can read thoroughly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Dragged up scrotes is also an acceptable term I find No kids here either. It'll happen at some point, but no rush. I've still got too many things I want to do with my life before I start worrying about other people's. I get why a lot of people are saying that he should talk to his other half, but tbh if it's already at the point where he can't stand to be in the same room as her then I can't see that the relationship has any long term future at all. I'd be packing my bags, grabbing a four pack of beer and a subscription to Sky Sports as I left the house. Interesting how there is a view that kids somehow stop your life and doing what you want to do. I admit I was quite lucky in that I had Alfie when I was 37, so before that I had lived in other countries, traveled extensively, tried a number of different vocations, done the partying thing, did Uni etc etc. So do I pine so much for lots of materialistic things and lots of time to myself now I have Alfie, not really. With a child you have to invest a bit more time in planning, but we are still fulfilling lots of life goals, me and the missus were in Berlin on our own a couple of weekends back enjoying late night jazz bars and the like for instance. Is Alfie growing up a happy child despite his parents wanting to do their own thing as well? I think anyone that met him at a car meet last year would say he is a pretty fun and rounded little chap especially the ladies who got their bums smacked in the car park On the 'no rush' thing, just from personal experience I wouldn't take it for granted that kids just happen when you decide. Took us nearly 3 years due to age related issues and its more common than you might think. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowhereboy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I moved in with my current Mrs 2 year ago and she has a 6 year old, he was 4 at the time. To be honest, I had no idea what I was letting myself in for, Kids are VERY hard work and we very nearly didn't make it. As selfish as it sounds its hard not to get resentful when you're sacrificing most of you're time, money and emotion on a child that you didn't create. Hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I really care for the little lad and he loves me to bits, I have zero security tho and know if it all went pear shaped I may never even see him again. Hard pill to swallow sometimes. Not sure why but I felt like sharing that with you guys. Relationships can be hard but personally I'm no good left to my own devices, I need a woman to keep me in line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gangzoom Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) Interesting how there is a view that kids somehow stop your life and doing what you want to do. I admit I was quite lucky in that I had Alfie when I was 37, so before that I had lived in other countries, traveled extensively, tried a number of different vocations, done the partying thing, did Uni etc etc. So do I pine so much for lots of materialistic things and lots of time to myself now I have Alfie, not really. With a child you have to invest a bit more time in planning, but we are still fulfilling lots of life goals, me and the missus were in Berlin on our own a couple of weekends back enjoying late night jazz bars and the like for instance. Is Alfie growing up a happy child despite his parents wanting to do their own thing as well? I hope your right, I've been up for pretty much the last 24hrs with no sleep due to work.....Than my wife is pointing out to me we better get use to it soon because a new born baby is pretty much 24/7 job 365 days a year, with no sleep/brakes . Edited March 22, 2016 by gangzoom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Interesting how there is a view that kids somehow stop your life and doing what you want to do. I admit I was quite lucky in that I had Alfie when I was 37, so before that I had lived in other countries, traveled extensively, tried a number of different vocations, done the partying thing, did Uni etc etc. So do I pine so much for lots of materialistic things and lots of time to myself now I have Alfie, not really. With a child you have to invest a bit more time in planning, but we are still fulfilling lots of life goals, me and the missus were in Berlin on our own a couple of weekends back enjoying late night jazz bars and the like for instance. Is Alfie growing up a happy child despite his parents wanting to do their own thing as well? I hope your right, I've been up for pretty much the last 24hrs with no sleep due to work.....Than my wife is pointing out to me we better get use to it soon because a new born baby is pretty much 24/7 job 365 days a year, with no sleep/brakes . Again can only talk from personal experience but if you decide it will take up your life, it will. There are only two people that can make things happen for you and that's you and your other half. I wont lie to you the first few months I learned a new meaning of the words 'lack of sleep' but the pay back of this little life watching you and holding you offsets that by some margin. It also does improve markedly they develop so quickly in the first year. All I can say is do not try to create yourself as parents based on what the media, parenting magazines and stereotypes would portray the perfect parent as - do what you guys feel comfortable doing and ignore anyone that says you are doing it wrong. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 This is all you need to know going forward op: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! little beggars? ... I am speechless.... although I can understand the fact that some don't want kids and I am completly fine with it,I don't get the way you see kids from your words... and yes I do have 2 daughters which for me are the world and everything I always wanted Good for you. As stated above, "little beggars" is a traditional and relatively innocuous terms of reference for kids. I'm not sure why it left you "speechless". I hope it won't upset you too much if I confide that I find babies revolting, toddlers incredibly irritating and teenagers just about bearable. Kittens and puppies though! Now you're talking 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! little beggars? ... I am speechless.... although I can understand the fact that some don't want kids and I am completly fine with it,I don't get the way you see kids from your words... and yes I do have 2 daughters which for me are the world and everything I always wanted Good for you. As stated above, "little beggars" is a traditional and relatively innocuous terms of reference for kids. I'm not sure why it left you "speechless". I hope it won't upset you too much if I confide that I find babies revolting, toddlers incredibly irritating and teenagers just about bearable. Kittens and puppies though! Now you're talking say no more 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Mmm, an interesting lunchtime read! And Beavis - no we are not ALL nutters, just some! Firstly there are two sides to every story. If you are that unhappy I can't believe she is very happy either. A marriage/relationship will not look after itself no matter how much you have in common. It's give and take and both need to make sacrifices for each other. You have to take the rough with the smooth and try hard. Kids don't mend a relationship and in a lot of cases actually break it when a woman's life and the things she can do changes and the man still does what he likes! My marriage failed when my husband stopped participating in it! I would 'take one for the team' and do things he wanted to do but he did not reciprocate in any way shape or form. I became so lonely that I just left as I was more or less on my own anyway. I am now happy with someone else, we share a passion for cars and motorbikes and spend most of the summer bombing about on two wheels! BUT (importantly for me) we don't live together. He has his house and I have mine. I love my independence and my own space. It means that every bit of time we spend together is by choice! Even if we just sit in front of the TV doing nothing, it's not because we're forced to it's because we want to. Not ideal for everyone but I like it like that! One thing I would say is this - if you do not want her, move on and give her the opportunity to start again with someone else. There is nothing more unforgivable than having your already very short life stolen. My only regret is not leaving sooner! The same applies for you - life is too short to be miserable! I wish you the best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Some people thrive on being miserable though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 BUT (importantly for me) we don't live together. He has his house and I have mine. I love my independence and my own space. It means that every bit of time we spend together is by choice! Even if we just sit in front of the TV doing nothing, it's not because we're forced to it's because we want to. Not ideal for everyone but I like it like that! Seems a popular format that works. Although the cynic in me says, if you cant or dont want to share your whole life with someone it means they either arent the person for you, or, your playing it safe, because of the big C word. If your with the right person, it wouldnt matter if you spent 24 minutes or 24 hours a day with them. Some people thrive on being miserable though. So true, the way you behave very much becomes a habit and some people seem happy if they are miserable, bizarrely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! little beggars? ... I am speechless.... although I can understand the fact that some don't want kids and I am completly fine with it,I don't get the way you see kids from your words... and yes I do have 2 daughters which for me are the world and everything I always wanted Good for you. As stated above, "little beggars" is a traditional and relatively innocuous terms of reference for kids. I'm not sure why it left you "speechless". I hope it won't upset you too much if I confide that I find babies revolting, toddlers incredibly irritating and teenagers just about bearable. Kittens and puppies though! Now you're talking say no more I'm really surprised that the Southerner used a predominantly northern turn of phrase and the Northerner(ish) misunderstood it! I genuinely couldn't agree more. I'm thinking of asking for a BOGOF on a vasectomy the first time one of my mates goes for one. I was at a house with a newborn the other day and I could hardly believe my ear.......did you know they befoul themselves with effluvial 8-10 times a day!! 8-10 times a day for over God knows how many years. And the crying.....jehhhhhhesus! Then the 3 year old insisted on getting every toy she owned out and manically twatting a balloon into her new brothers boat race just as he went to sleep. Then the 11 year old came in and started pyaaar whinging about something. The 15 year old just sat there looking unwashed grunting occasionally. I'd rather smash my tallywhacker with a toffee hammer until there was nothing left than a bloody hold than subject myself to that vision of hell! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 that's too overemotional Ricey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irn Bru Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! little beggars? ... I am speechless.... although I can understand the fact that some don't want kids and I am completly fine with it,I don't get the way you see kids from your words... and yes I do have 2 daughters which for me are the world and everything I always wanted Good for you. As stated above, "little beggars" is a traditional and relatively innocuous terms of reference for kids. I'm not sure why it left you "speechless". I hope it won't upset you too much if I confide that I find babies revolting, toddlers incredibly irritating and teenagers just about bearable. Kittens and puppies though! Now you're talking say no more I'm really surprised that the Southerner used a predominantly northern turn of phrase and the Northerner(ish) misunderstood it! I genuinely couldn't agree more. I'm thinking of asking for a BOGOF on a vasectomy the first time one of my mates goes for one. I was at a house with a newborn the other day and I could hardly believe my ear.......did you know they befoul themselves with effluvial 8-10 times a day!! 8-10 times a day for over God knows how many years. And the crying.....jehhhhhhesus! Then the 3 year old insisted on getting every toy she owned out and manically twatting a balloon into her new brothers boat race just as he went to sleep. Then the 11 year old came in and started pyaaar whinging about something. The 15 year old just sat there looking unwashed grunting occasionally. I'd rather smash my tallywhacker with a toffee hammer until there was nothing left than a bloody hold than subject myself to that vision of hell! Ricey mate......I am literally rolling around the floor pishing myself laughing at that statement, while my wife looks strangely at me looking for an exclamation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm here all week.....try the veal. Seriously though the main crux of my point is that whilst I find kids about as appealing as owning a pet pubic louse they do appeal to many if not most adults as a natural stage of life but by God they are going to be hard work to raise if you're already having issues. You definitely need a rock solid foundation and a right load of patience to raise a kiddie. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 ah, but those of us who have them ...............enjoy every minute of it 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 ah, but those of us who have them ...............enjoy every minute of it That is a classic parent lie. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 ah, but those of us who have them ...............enjoy every minute of it Sounds like something a TVR owner might say.......Whilst sheltering under a bush waiting for the RAC. Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 ah, but those of us who have them ...............enjoy every minute of it Say that ten times a day for a decade and it might come true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 commenting on how you THINK it feels having kids compared to actually having kids is different guys as you probably know so none of us trying to convince you on anything...you might find out one day...or maybe not Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 commenting on how you THINK it feels having kids compared to actually having kids is different guys as you probably know so none of us trying to convince you on anything...you might find out one day...or maybe not I do jest but I'm more than happy stealing my mates kids for the day and getting them jacked up on e numbers before sending them home. To be fair the 15 year old I mention above is such a good kid. He's right into his cars as well so I get to be cool uncle ricey without actually parenting him! Also it's amazing the unpaid slave labour you can put a teenager through and only call it 'chores'. We had him redecorating a house! Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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