Adrian@TORQEN Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 we've NEVER had an argument ......... ever - a few minor disgruntled disagreements but thats it I must resist, I must resist commenting on this!!! :lol: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PMX Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 The first thing to do is talk to her. and by that I don't mean telling her you are moving out. Make an effort to find out how she feels and go from there. I did this once, in order to start some meaningful discussion on how to resolve our relationship.....she was packing my suitcase before I had finished the sentence!!!!! Just saying.... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 we've NEVER had an argument ......... ever - a few minor disgruntled disagreements but thats it I must resist, I must resist commenting on this!!! :lol: why change the habits of a lifetime 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Thanks guys. I think the fact that I've become so stagnant in life isn't helping anything. I always thought the worst thing to get through in life is losing ones parents. I already went through that and came out the other side and now I'm just coasting along in life. Perhaps I need to really invest in myself and what I have to offer as a person. Not feeling good about myself will inevitably show on the outside. I'm going to register with Christies Manchester and offer support to people with Cancer. I know how important the people who volunteer there are. From giving a lift to and from Christies to just being there to talk. It was surprising how many people were alone there during chemo sessions. I'm thinking maybe my negative view on life and subsequently my relationship may originate with me. I'm quite shut off from people outside my relationship. All my friends are new and besotted parents who refuse to leave their child for a single moment. So yes, I think I'll try and give a bit more to people and hopefully it'll put things in perspective. Might sound strange and like I'm avoiding the issue but I think this'll help. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 I think it's a great idea. Put your energy where it's wanted, not where it's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbad Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 My Pennies worth - while I agree it is laudable to give to others you cannot/should not avoid putting the frank discussion off any further as the longer you perhaps delay this the worse the feelings will develop and the wider the gulf will become. My humble recommendation is to address this asap. I have been able to salvage my relationship 13 years ago when by starting with a frank discussion to address the dire state of affairs. Just sharing my experience per adventure it may in may be of use. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeybrain1234 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Great advice and who knew a car forum mainly full of blokes would show such compassion. All I can say is talk to one another. Little things like eating dinner at the table together instead of in front of TV is great way for having a conversation. Be true to yourself. Do you want this to actually work? If not then you are going to struggle to make it work. I have not been in such a situation myself but one thing I know - I would only stay in a relationship that made me a better person as a result. Wish you all the best fella and hope you find happiness whatever you decide. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Great advice and who knew a car forum mainly full of blokes would show such compassion. All I can say is talk to one another. Little things like eating dinner at the table together instead of in front of TV is great way for having a conversation. Be true to yourself. Do you want this to actually work? If not then you are going to struggle to make it work. I have not been in such a situation myself but one thing I know - I would only stay in a relationship that made me a better person as a result. Wish you all the best fella and hope you find happiness whatever you decide. I agree with this.................. I'm not the person to ask this sort of question, I would agree with the above, do you want it to work? If so do all you can in that direction if not don't walk away bloody well run! I'm lucky my wife either likes my hobbies or lies really well about liking them (you can never be sure ) and is always supportive of what ever I do, besides I can't leave her, you know those guys that say - "I could not find my socks without her" I would not know I was looking for my socks without her (funny but true) I wish you all the best and hope you make the right decision for the both of you. Regards K 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 How did we get so far without saying ??!! I think our standards are slipping, gents. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 And where are the comments from the female zed members, they should be all over this... (awaits stereotyping flaming) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyZ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Thanks guys. I think the fact that I've become so stagnant in life isn't helping anything. I always thought the worst thing to get through in life is losing ones parents. I already went through that and came out the other side and now I'm just coasting along in life. Perhaps I need to really invest in myself and what I have to offer as a person. Not feeling good about myself will inevitably show on the outside. I'm going to register with Christies Manchester and offer support to people with Cancer. I know how important the people who volunteer there are. From giving a lift to and from Christies to just being there to talk. It was surprising how many people were alone there during chemo sessions. I'm thinking maybe my negative view on life and subsequently my relationship may originate with me. I'm quite shut off from people outside my relationship. All my friends are new and besotted parents who refuse to leave their child for a single moment. So yes, I think I'll try and give a bit more to people and hopefully it'll put things in perspective. Might sound strange and like I'm avoiding the issue but I think this'll help. I would agree with this. If you're not happy with yourself and your life, having a happy relationship will be very difficult IMHO. No harm in having a chat with the missus though. Maybe at least discussing your plans with her will help move things in the right direction Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobbyZ Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 And where are the comments from the female zed members, they should be all over this... (awaits stereotyping flaming) You sexist barstard. Men have feelings too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
350zedd Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 At the risk of repeating what others have already said, and with 34 years of marriage under my belt, my advice would be to talk, talk and talk again. Its crucial that you communicate with each other about how each of you are feeling. Don't sulk and put things off, otherwise feelings of resentment will fester increasingly as time goes on. Nip things in the bud. Sit down and speak to each other about your feelings, why you are unhappy, irritated etc, same for her. Its surprising how much better you'll both feel after doing this! (hopefully) Wishing you all the best 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilMH Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 At the risk of repeating what others have already said, and with 34 years of marriage under my belt, my advice would be to talk, talk and talk again. Its crucial that you communicate with each other about how each of you are feeling. Don't sulk and put things off, otherwise feelings of resentment will fester increasingly as time goes on. Nip things in the bud. Sit down and speak to each other about your feelings, why you are unhappy, irritated etc, same for her. Its surprising how much better you'll both feel after doing this! (hopefully) Wishing you all the best +1 (after 43 years of marriage) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S7nny Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nissanman312 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? Or he Could sort you a good diamond and you could have both Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S7nny Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I need the GTR for the heist... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 (edited) I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! Edited March 22, 2016 by sipar69 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? S7nny....you're a fool! Your GF's dad is in the diamond industry!!!! Bloody chase after her....you'll be set for life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 It doesnt sound like she is "happy" with you either, so it begs the question, why is she still in the relationship? Obviously its very easy to comment without any emotional involvement and only hearing one side of the story, but, just about every relationship exceeds its lifespan and will drag on way past its sell by date. No time is a good time but I cant believe either of you doesnt know the end is coming, so doubt it will be a shock to her, get it done and both find what you want in life, which obviously isnt each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Gareth, I know we haven't known each other for long but I'm a good judge of character and its clear that you are an amazing, funny, interesting and passionate person that's had to deal with some real shitty times and still kept going strong. I know it's horrible when you get into a situation like this, you feel suffocated, lose sight of who you are, resent the other person, shut yourself down, stop doing the things you love for fear of upsetting the other person. You know I've been there and it's not a good place to be! Lots of support on here for you and the clearest piece of advise is that something has to be done, but I can't tell you which way to go....only YOU can make that decision x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mondo 300 Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! I have to agree with this. I have precisely no interest in kids and my partner knows this. It's no secret that she'd love to have kids, but she's accepted that I'm just not the man that it's going to happen with. We've had conversations in the past about her being with someone who does want children (instead of being with me) but it appears that being with me is more important. Plus there's the small fact that we couldn't really afford to have a child together; neither her wage or my self-employed income is particularly great at the moment, so where's the sense in putting a massive additional strain on it? I hope the OP gets this situation sorted out. I've been in similar shoes in the past and it's an awful feeling to think/know that you're going to have to walk away, but sometimes it really is the only viable solution... once all the talking has been exhausted, of course. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm surprised KK hasn't piped up yet! I'm going through a similar situation at the moment, only it's a girlfriend and not a wife, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. Our issue is down to us wanting different things. She wants marriage and kids and I want a GTR (not even joking). Yeah, it may be a selfish approach from me but there is no way in Hell that I'll ever be able to achieve my dream if the marriage and kids come first because of all the show-cushions that we 'HAVE TO BUY!'. Also; her dad works in the diamond business so I'd have to sell my soul to afford the only acceptable ring that she wouldn't be able to live without. Gareth - beer and a strip club? As someone who has got to the age of 46 and by choice never had kids, the one piece of advice I would give is do not under any circumstances have them just because someone else wants them. Despite what the media wants you to believe, it's not mandatory to have kids and you can have a perfectly happy and fulfilled life without the little beggars! little beggars? ... I am speechless.... although I can understand the fact that some don't want kids and I am completly fine with it,I don't get the way you see kids from your words... and yes I do have 2 daughters which for me are the world and everything I always wanted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZEUS Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Little beggars is an old fashioned term used for kids, maybe it's a regional thing. It's not meant as offensive though Valy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 Dragged up scrotes is also an acceptable term I find No kids here either. It'll happen at some point, but no rush. I've still got too many things I want to do with my life before I start worrying about other people's. I get why a lot of people are saying that he should talk to his other half, but tbh if it's already at the point where he can't stand to be in the same room as her then I can't see that the relationship has any long term future at all. I'd be packing my bags, grabbing a four pack of beer and a subscription to Sky Sports as I left the house. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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