ioneabee Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 marks out of 10 for my efforts please F.A.O Mr **********, Managing Director, Customer Services Firstly, I would like to take the opportunity to thank you for the 'New Unlimited Anytime Plan Plus' flyer which I received towards the end of last month and am happy to take you up on your offer to respond to the new deal before the 30th March 2013. I would like to apologise for my tardiness in replying, but I have been trying to gain access to my BT bills online for the last few weeks in order to check all my facts. When I received your flyer in the post I was about to discard it, as I do with all the others, when the first line caught my eye, and very nearly caused me to faint! It states that you (BT) “noticed that spend £10.00 on calls to UK mobiles every monthâ€. I must say that, at this point, I was certainly glad that YOU had noticed this, as neither myself nor my wife were aware of this amount being used (according to you) regularly. As you state in your flyer, “That's a fair bit†which, in the current economic climate is quite an understatement (£120.00 a year is a phenomenal additional amount to pay for such a basic thing as communication with fellow human beings). I continued to read your flyer, my excitement growing with every word, finally peaking when I saw the plan comparison table and thinking how glad I was that BT are indeed looking after the financial health of their customers,. I was aghast at how much cheaper your plan is when compared to the robbers at Sky and Virgin!!! WELL DONE BT! I was further amazed to find that, for the princely additional sum of £4.70 a month, I would find myself saving “on calls to landlines too†and, in all honesty, I had detached the coupon in readiness, glowing with the thought of saving money, confident that the monetary future of my wife and I certainly looked a little brighter! However, some niggling thought in my subconscious stopped me from continuing with my money saving exploit, and boy am I glad I did! I thought I had better phone my wife to tell her about this fantastic new plan you were offering us, but my thoughts turned to the £10.00 we were (allegedly) spending every month on calling UK mobiles. I then proceeded to pick up my mobile, and was about to hit the call button for my wife's mobile when I was struck, during a moment of clarity, by the most amazing thought: I NEVER USE MY LANDLINE TO CALL UK MOBILES!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, I barely use the landline at all! Usually it's only ever to call BT or our gas and water suppliers. My thoughts then turned to my wife, and her possible usage of the landline to call UK mobiles every month! Luckily, before confronting her with the evidence (i.e. your flyer providing proof that you have noticed our £10.00 monthly spend on calls to UK mobiles) I decided to look closer at other, more important factors which may colour the situation. The first thought that came to mind was that my wife leaves for work before me in the mornings, arrives home after me in the evenings and has called me during her lunch break on the odd occasion-and then only for less than a minute, as it is free for me call from my mobile so I return her calls. I didn’t believe in any way that this would total £10.00 worth of calls, per month, to an UK landline. As far as I could see then, this leaves only 3 possible options: 1. Someone enters our house whilst we are both at work and uses our landline to call UK mobiles-this could coincide with a case of missing biscuits which I have also been investigating 2. My wife hypnotises me at some point between putting the dinner dishes away and bedtime, makes the calls which you have noted amount to £10.00 per month, then hacks into the BT billing programme, deletes all records from the itemised bill we receive, yet is still available for you to see 3. You (BT) are wrong and are trying to get more money out of us After a couple of weeks of thorough detective work I can now discount 2 of these theories (can you guess which 2) as: 1. I have been keeping an eye on the number of Custard Creams in our cupboard, and their diminishing numbers can be accounted for by my wife and I dunking them in our tea/coffee-not by any telephone using intruder! I have also taken to pushing the recall number on my telephone at random times (in case the intruder brought his own biscuits) and every time it dials your 1471 service, which is about the only number I ever dial. 2. I have asked my wife if she has ever trained as a hypnotist (either to delete a person’s memory or make them dance with a broom) or taken up cyber terrorism and hacking as a hobby. Despite intense interrogation, she has denied both these ridiculous accusations and I believe her!!! As Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's great character, Sherlock Holmes, once said, “when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truthâ€. And so it leaves us with the last option. Yup, as fantastic as it may sound, it appears that BT are trying to fleece an existing, loyal customer of even more money to pay for a service that they would not ever need or use by scaring them with grossly incorrect facts! I can only assume that these offers are sent out, without the facts being checked at all, in the hope that some marks customers send off the coupon supplied in the erroneous belief that they are saving money when, in fact, they are helping BT foot the bill for producing ever more pointless, useless flyers. I would therefore, respectfully, ask that you stop posting me notifications of offers which never are, or ever will be of any use whatsoever to myself or my wife! I hope that you will be able to pass on this letter to the blinding brains behind this ridiculous marketing tool, and ask that all facts are checked in future before committing them to paper. Best wishes, p.s I include the monthly spend on my bills incurred during the last 15 months for telephone calls to UK mobiles from our landline for your information: 16.10.2011 - 15.01.2012 £ 0.00p 16.01.2012 - 15.04.2012 £ 0.74p 16.04.2012 - 15.07.2012 £ 0.74p 16.07.2012 - 15.10.2012 £ 1.48p 16.10.2012 - 15.01.2013 £ 1.25p You may note that the grand total for 15 months is £4.21- a monthly average of £ 0.28p which is a full £9.72 less than you noticed we use per month!!! Does nobody check hard facts before writing to customers? p.p.s I’m not sure if I made it clear in my letter, but I will not be partaking of this new rip-off offer. p.p.p.s I hope you don’t mind, but I have used the pre-paid envelope you kindly supplied, as the price of a first class stamp is now 60p. I think you’ll agree “That’s a fair bit†for a bit of sticky paper with the queen’s head on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliensurfer Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well written and well researched, however, too many sarcastic overtones to be taken as a serious complaint letter IMHO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KC350Z Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 :clap: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I don't care about the "sarcastic overtones" although I agree they are many - I just love the fact you sent it back in the pre-paid envelope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 a very long response to say f-cough 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 wasn't meant to be a complain letter .......not really ............... just bored and thought hmmmmm, what would Ricey do ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Will370z Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Lol nice one Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Chubby Ninja Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Hahaha briliant. Loved the missing biscuits bit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well written and well researched, however, too many sarcastic overtones to be taken as a serious complaint letter IMHO If ever there was a point missed..........this was it. I applaud you young Jedi....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 wasn't meant to be a complain letter .......not really ............... just bored and thought hmmmmm, what would Ricey do ? The only thing I'm slightly nervous about is some sort of small print. OFCOM and ASA will regulate but chuff out of BT which leads me to wonder how or why they think they could get away with such an outright lie/mistruth............its definitely not some sort of 'indicative' figure or a 'what you could save' is it? If not then its time to pay the piper BT. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dblock Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 a very long response to say f-cough Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well written and well researched, however, too many sarcastic overtones to be taken as a serious complaint letter IMHO If ever there was a point missed..........this was it. I applaud you young Jedi....... I am but your paddawan and have much to learn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 should have sent them a picture Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aliensurfer Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well written and well researched, however, too many sarcastic overtones to be taken as a serious complaint letter IMHO If ever there was a point missed..........this was it. I applaud you young Jedi....... oops! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Well written and well researched, however, too many sarcastic overtones to be taken as a serious complaint letter IMHO If ever there was a point missed..........this was it. I applaud you young Jedi....... oops! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bounty Bar Kid Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted February 20, 2013 Share Posted February 20, 2013 I just love the fact you sent it back in the pre-paid envelope Missed a very small opportunity there ... should have stuffed the prepaid to bursting with other unsolicited mail - that way they get to pay the extra postage too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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