What !! no sausage ???

[Tarmac@TarmacSportz]

This will end up in the green room but it just goes to show you complaining does get you somewhere - no matter how ridiculous

 

My email

To whom it may concern

 

I regularly buy from you (Greggs bakery) as I work very near to a shop and enjoy your freshly baked products.

 

However, I have got a slight complaint..... It may seem petty but with all the snow and cold weather I thought i'd treat myself to something warm for breakfast this morning. I decided to order a sausage and bean pastie , never had one before but I thought it sounded nice. Ive got to say I was really dissapointed, there was not one single sausage in there and only a really tiny amount of beans. As daft as it might sound it felt like a real let down, especially after I was looking forward to something tasty so much, I wanted to let someone know so other people don't get let down in the future.

 

Apart from this one issue ive never been dissapointed before

 

Kind regards

Mr *******

 

The Reply

Dear Mr *******,

 

I’m sorry to hear you felt the Sausage & Bean Melt you purchased did not meet the high standards of quality food we produce.

 

All our food is made and baked fresh everyday throughout our Bakeries and shops and I’d like to reassure you that we have procedures and quality control checks in place, to ensure that our food on sale is of the highest quality.

 

I’ve passed your complaint onto our Technical Team at our Bakery, to speak with all operatives about remaining extra vigilant during all stages of production and ensure they are quality checking our food before sending it out to our shops for sale.

 

I hope you’ll accept our sincere apologies Mr ******, for any disappointment caused with your purchase and as a gesture of goodwill, I'll send you a voucher, so that you can have another savoury on us.

 

I hope that you will continue your custom with Greggs.

 

 

Remember to quote your call reference number: ******** in any

correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a

quick response.

 

Kind Regards

 

Mrs ****** *****

Customer Care Team

 

 

I really wasnt that bothered but hey ho I will have another pastie tomorrow

 

Anyone else got any complaint stories

[Cragus]

No complaint story here, but I am trying to think of one now so I get get something for free.

 

I am going to aim a little higher than a sausage and bean melt though!

[Tarmac@TarmacSportz]

No complaint story here, but I am trying to think of one now so I get get something for free.

 

I am going to aim a little higher than a sausage and bean melt though!

 

 

Food is very precious to me

 

[ATTAK Z]

I haven't been to my local Greggs since I walked out in disgust about 3 years ago ......... they seem to be incapable of buttering bread rolls properly .......their sandwiches have big gobs of butter in some places and no butter in others ..... just laziness on the part of the operator IMO .....you'd think that someone who works in a sandwich shop would at least be trained to butter bread properly

 

 

 

Rant over

[mrobinson2]

Walked into the new greggs up the road from work yeasterday and they had no sausage rolls!

 

what kind of a greggs doesnt have sausage rolls!!!

[Tarmac@TarmacSportz]

Walked into the new greggs up the road from work yeasterday and they had no sausage rolls!

 

what kind of a greggs doesnt have sausage rolls!!!

 

This is shocking news

[ATTAK Z]

Cooplands beats Greggs hands down in this area

[Husky]

i just moved house after i complained as some of you know for what seems like forever.

 

finally i got annoyed, moved out, reported them to the governing body, told them they can f**k off and im keeping my last rent of half a grand. I made sure i kept quiet until i was within my last 10 days tennancy, they now cant do anything to my depost. handed the place back with zero effort to clean it up. finally i victory for me, i have to meet with the director of the letting agency to discuss how much trouble i have got them in

[Ian]

Greggs

 

I went to one last week that had no pasties left

[Stew]

I don't think I've ever had a Greggs in my life.... I do like my pies though!

 

 

One thing, since when did it take a technical team to make pasties? And why is the person putting it together called an operator?

[Vik54]

STOP PRESS: Tarmac in "I've got no sausage" shocker

[Cragus]

I don't think I've ever had a Greggs in my life.... I do like my pies though!

 

 

One thing, since when did it take a technical team to make pasties? And why is the person putting it together called an operator?

 

It gets worse Stew - I am sure that in subway they are 'Sandwich Artists'

[Willy P]

I don't think I've ever had a Greggs in my life.... I do like my pies though!

 

 

One thing, since when did it take a technical team to make pasties? And why is the person putting it together called an operator?

 

It gets worse Stew - I am sure that in subway they are 'Sandwich Artists'

'Tis true Craig, they are indeed called "Sandwich Artists", I had to interview a couple of people who had been "Sandwich Artists" for jobs at my work, needless to say I did ask some tongue-in-cheek questions; "So, talk me through how your creative role in your previous job can help with a job in science..."

I was met with puzzled looks...

[Willy P]

you'd think that someone who works in a sandwich shop would at least be trained to butter bread properly

 

I'd love to see someone being trained how to butter bread

[Ricey]

Long one but it amused me for a few weeks.

 

Background - bought some stuff from ASOS - for some weird reason it took the payment in Danish Korona and charged me £8.80 more due to exchange rate......I'm really not one to kick off so I just asked for a refund.

 

First few emails are - 'Hi - this is the siuation - can I have a refund'

'Hi - yes of course please give me your card details and we'll refund within the next 24 hours'

 

Nothing appeared and so the fun began

 

1st email to minions "I can't see this refund credited to my account yet. I think its been over 10 working days.

Can you just confirm that it has definitely been done please."

 

Reponse - Thanks for your email,

It appears that we are unable to refund to the card that you have given us as we are unable to process refunds to that card. If you are able to give us details for a different card, such as the one you placed your order with, we will be able to sort this out for you.

I look forward to hearing from you,

 

Confirmed details

 

2nd email to minions "20 days and counting........not best is it?"

 

Thanks for your email,

Could you please confirm the card number, start date, and end date, and I will be able to look into this for you,

I believe that my colleague may have incorrectly filled in the details for this.

I look forward to hearing from you,

 

3rd email to minions "25 days.........tick....tick.....tick."

 

4th email to minions "32 days........I actually think you win a prize when your this incompetent!!

This is ace........lets see how long you can ignore me for."

 

5th email to minions "Seriously guys.........your joking now aren't you?

36 days

9 mildly amusing emails (in my opinion)

1 email to your Product and Trading Director (who is either busy, on holiday or also ignoring me)

If I were a more stressful person I think I'd be in the throws a 'Falling Down' moment (good film with Michael Douglas for those who haven't seen it - its about an average Joe who finally snaps after the complete incompetence of the world at large (that's you guys in this example) pushes him over the edge)."

 

Response "I am sorry for the delay ion you receiving a response from us.

Yes, please do fax over your card details again to 01442 835850, please include on here your order number. Once we receive this fax we will attempt the refund again.

We look forward to hearing from you."

 

6th email to minion "I've faxed them over now on number below. Look forward to hearing from you."

 

7th email to minion "Has anyone picked this up and dealt with it?"

 

8th email after some scratching round on Reuters to ensire directing board of ASOS "Gentlemen,

I'd like to bring this to your attention.

Firstly please take this as my full authorisation to keep my £8.80. Please invest it in your ongoing training schemes with your staff...........they certainly need it. Alternatively take it down your local and by a pint (assuming you live in London thats all your going to get for £8.80).

Ask yourselves this though........was it really your intention to create a company that;

- Takes 53 days (and waiting) to address a refund.

- Ignores well over 10 emails that quite blatantly are from a particularly disillusioned customer who clearly has a justified complaint (most but not all of the emails I've sent are contained in this email chain).

Its simply stunning (to the point where I'm nearly impressed) that you can be this bad.............you would literally have to train people to be this incompetent - human beings are not born this ignorant or useless.

Only the plus side though - just so I don't look like I'm whinging for the sake of it - every single part of the rest of your service has been perfect."

 

2 days later - full refund and 40% off voucher up to any value

[racinggreen]

A thread with 'no sausage' in the title?

 

I'm waiting.........

[Cragus]

STOP PRESS: Tarmac in "I've got no sausage" shocker

 

What are you waiting for racing? The no sausage joke? That was achieved on page one by our very own vik

[Tarmac@TarmacSportz]

 

Thanks Vik, knew I could count on you..

 

I have since been informed that the sausage is one of those rubber ones like you get in the tin so even if I had got a sausage I'd have been dissapointed

[Vik54]

Someone had to do it

[glrnet]

It was always going to be you or spursmaddave but I think it's a wee bit too early for him if he's on nights

 

Someone had to do it

[Vik54]

He was online earlier telling me about his prediliction for snow time dogging- I'll send you the pm I sent out earlier

[Cragus]

You manaaged to get a free snack Tarmac but I feel this guys letter was much more punchy than yours!

[Ebized]

The local Greggs in Epsom do a mean bread pudding

But don't tell the wife

[Cragus]

Helps if I post the letter

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Greggs.

 

You advertise your 'cornish' pasties as traditional, yet they taste nothing like cornish pasties. The insides of cornish pasties are not liquidised gunk, they are crafted with love and attention. I know they're a vast improvement on the "supreme" pasty you were selling previously, but you can do better so try.

 

Lots of Love

 

S.Bartle.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Dear Mr Bartle, Thank you for taking the time to contact us at Greggs. We greatly value information from our customers regarding their experiences at our shops. The New Traditional Cornish Pasty is also made with top quality ingredients and has proved popular in consumer tests. I am sorry that you have been disappointed by it and will pass on your comments to our Savoury Category Manager. Once again thank you for taking the time to contact us, all customer comments are welcomed and I trust that your next visit will give us another opportunity to provide you with an enjoyable experience. Remember to quote your call reference number: F0111153 in any correspondence, as this will assist us in providing you with a quick response. Kind regards Sophie Woof

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

(I wasn't satisfied... no free stuff so I emailed back)

 

Dear Ms Woof.

I would be interested to know upon Whom you've been consumer testing these pastys on, as their tastebuds must be numbed from years of neglect.

My dog upon having to make a choice between A real cornish pasty and a greggs would go for the real one at all times. I question your top quality ingrediants as well. Please could you clarify?

 

loves of love.

 

S.Bartle.

[DoogyRev]

Not got any myself...... but as it's nearly Christmas I thought I would treat you to the original NTL complaint letter that went around a few years ago.. I am sure many have read it, but for those who have not... enjoy

 

This a copy of a complaint letter that was actually received by NTL according to our sources.

 

Dear Cretins,

 

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.

 

During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

 

My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testi*les for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

 

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

 

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived ... a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend.

 

I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

 

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman.... and several other variations on this theme.

 

Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

 

I thought BT were sh*t, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?

 

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - ******* though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

 

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver

 

- any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.

 

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.

 

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of tw*ts,

 

Yours psychotically

 

John Doe [editor's note: name changed to protect the innocent]