mattross1313 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 How do you weigh a Hipster? In Insta-Grams Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Have you heard the joke about my penis?? I won't bother telling you it's too long. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baidan Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 ON HIS DEATH BED Bill Smith is on his deathbed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. "So", he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." "Sybil, take the apartments over in Pall Mall ." "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in City Centre." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the Thames ." The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says , "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? ... the a****ole had a paper round!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmanji Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Was gonna say a gay joke, but fu*kit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-girl. Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 Have you heard the joke about my penis?? I won't bother telling you because it's not really good...but some say its funny. If you say so Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Bradders- Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 'I shall be voting UKIP in the general election too as I'm worried black people will breed with homosexuals and create a master race of super dancers' I'll be voting for UKIP as i just used a bottle of mr sheen and it says on the bottle that his polish... From that recent # ukip backfire thing lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveyboy11 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 I spilt spot remover on my dog and now he's gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsexr Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 What did one horse say to another Why the long face...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsexr Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 If you want a blast from the past and a right laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G-girl. Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 What did one horse say to another Why the long face...... Gsexr...What a great liner, can't wait to use it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 "Trying is the first step to failure" Homer Simpson 1987 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus27 Posted May 23, 2014 Share Posted May 23, 2014 if at first you don't succeed... then skydiving isn't for you! I feel stupid for laughing at that but I liked it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_Steady Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Did my French teacher like golden showers? Oui! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_Steady Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 There were a couple girls banging on my bedroom door all last night. What's a man to do? I had to let them out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_Steady Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 incest... it's all relative Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 Walking past a shop the other day, saw a noticeboard outside saying...... "Mini Tampons" (For a short period only!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 ^^ Not bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daveyboy11 Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 I threw a boomerang at a poltergeist, that's gonna come back to haunt me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 ^^ Not bad. You'll like this one then...... (not so short though) Two dogs in the Vets, one is a mongrel the other a pedigree Alsatian. Alsatian : Looks over to the mongrel and says, what the hell you crying for bro? Mongrel : I'm having my bollox chopped off!! Alsatian : Daaawwwg, that's bad, why such drastic measures? Mongrel : I was just snooping around the front garden of my owners place, when the cat next door sniffed under the hedge and came through a small hole into my garden. The cat then proceeded to sniff round my garden, at which point it's tail lifted up high and exposed, well, you know Alsatian : Yeah go on..... Mongrel : It's been a while, so I just gave the cat a Rocket Ronnie up the ar$e!! Alsatian : And you're in here to have your bollocks chopped, that's a bit extreme. Mongrel : My owner was informed of my actions by the cat's owner and as punishment I'm in here about to suffer the worst day of my life! So what you in here for then? You don't look upset to be in the Vets? Alsatian : Well, I've been sent by my owner as a result of actions in our mansion the other night? Mongrel : Do tell...... Alsatian : My owner was just getting out the shower, she's tall, blonde with a great body. As she left the bathroom her white towel slipped from around her body and dropped to the floor. As she bent over..... Mongrel : yeah, go on......!! Alsatian : She bent over to pick up her towel and her hot steamy body was glowing, and let me tell you, it's been a while. So I just did it!! BANG!!! Mongrel : You're having a laugh!! Alsatian : Mongrel : Hold on a mo..... I've shagged the neighbours cat and I'm loosing my gonads! You on the other hand are happy as Larry, so what are you at the Vets for? Alsatian : I'm here to have my nails clipped!!!!!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted May 27, 2014 Author Share Posted May 27, 2014 ^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_Steady Posted May 27, 2014 Share Posted May 27, 2014 A short psychic broke out of jail earlier. Police are looking for a small medium at large. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ioneabee Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 just LOL 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) just LOL Kids today huh. Edited May 31, 2014 by GMballistic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linus27 Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I threw a boomerang at a poltergeist, that's gonna come back to haunt me. Hahaha excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted June 15, 2014 Share Posted June 15, 2014 The wife asked me if I'd like a bag of Quavers last night ... I said I'd rather have a bag of Minims 'cos they last longer ... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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