TT350 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 Honest opinion Gareth ~ I'd tell the ex to go and take a long walk off a short pier. Although she obviously invested in your house by the sounds of it I know but that's her loss now she's decided to end the relationship imo. Legally if you lived together for more than 6 months I believe she could claim that you were "common law" partners but she would have to be able to prove she bought certain things for the house & they were not gifts to you. Legally she does own what she bought (so would need all the receipts as proof) and can take those items back if they weren't gifts to you but as for home improvements I don't think she can do anything about that. I'd talk to a solicitor if it starts to get too serious, ...you'd be looking at around £150 per hour I'd guess but you might only need a one hour session to get your head around the legalities. Free info here from Citizens Advice: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/ Thanks G. I opened the link and had a good scan. Seems i have more than a leg to stand on. Will see whats what. My house IS actually worth 25k more than when I lived in it thanks to the money she (and I) sank into it. She put a lot more in because we were going to sell this place and put it towards 'our' new house so was happy to 'invest'. I'll try a friendly chat first. Will get legal if it fails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 You are far too nice dude, make her an offer of x per month and tell if she doesnt like it, take you to court, just because she changed her mind doesnt mean your life has to suffer further. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted October 30, 2016 Author Share Posted October 30, 2016 You are far too nice dude, make her an offer of x per month and tell if she doesnt like it, take you to court, just because she changed her mind doesnt mean your life has to suffer further. I agree with this sentiment. I forgot to mention. My Z is on her driveway cant wait to get it towed to Rally Equipe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kraziekatz1 Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 With her income vs your college fees, surely she should be paying you?! Chin up about Christmas, there's still a lot that can happen between Christmas and now! And don't forget to pop down my way when your car's ready, I'll take you for a coffee & mince pie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BulletMagnet Posted October 30, 2016 Share Posted October 30, 2016 Another link for you that WILL help you. It helped me and you are not alone and not the first nor last to experience what you are right now http://www.mind.org.uk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sargara Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Nothing to add other than reading though this thread now from the start, Ekona nailed it. Every post 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juggalo Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Spent four or five xmas' alone after I shed the ball and chain. Was good, I enjoyed opting out of xmas and it being just another day. I went camping one xmas. Great being the only car on the road in North Wales, and no sodding pikie caravans on the road. 10/10, would do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 I'd love to be getting away. Sadly my ex has demanded that I repay everything she ever invested in 'us' like refurbishing this house, decoration and a rough figure for nights out etc. We were supposed to sell this house and put the cash into what's now her house. But obviously thats not happening so she wants to be reimbursed. First, get you car off her driveway now. She invested by choice. Ask her how much she's going to emotionally reimburse you? Is there's a new partner in the background yanking her chain? If so ypu'll be giving BOTH of them your money. Wait for a solictor's letter from her and then go and see one yourself or get some CAB advice now that won't cost you anything. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
370Nut Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Can I ask a question , have or will any of your mates offer for you to go to them ? Or is it a case of they drop you like a hot $hit as soon as they had kids and stop making an effort to see you , call or text , which is all so common these days If I was in your shoes and none of my mates offered for me to go to them I would be pretty pi$$ed , even if you decide not to go, they know you are on your own and would nice to be asked For the future you should concentrate on getting a new circle of friends , I would join a club or team with others of similar age there will normally be a good social circle as part of it , enjoy yourself and see what happens If you can afford it and you dont go to your mates , a few nights away abroad Amsterdam ? Prague may be just the ticket Good luck mate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Can I ask a question , have or will any of your mates offer for you to go to them ? Or is it a case of they drop you like a hot $hit as soon as they had kids and stop making an effort to see you , call or text , which is all so common these days If I was in your shoes and none of my mates offered for me to go to them I would be pretty pi$$ed , even if you decide not to go, they know you are on your own and would nice to be asked For the future you should concentrate on getting a new circle of friends , I would join a club or team with others of similar age there will normally be a good social circle as part of it , enjoy yourself and see what happens If you can afford it and you dont go to your mates , a few nights away abroad Amsterdam ? Prague may be just the ticket Good luck mate Yeah that's what's happened. They've all had kids now and devote all their time to them willingly. Their wives/partners all get to go out though because they look after the kids at weekend while they (the mums) let their hair down. So my mates stay in. My best and I mean BEST friend lost the plot after a breakup and became a Mormom and moved to Quebec in Canada. Has 4 kids. Dave, my other best mate had a baby and he's just besotted by her. They moved to Wales last Monday. Another friend - well as soon as he's in a relationship he just drops off the face of the earth. I loaned him the money to buy a custom guitar when he got divorced. Now going out with a 23 year old girl and not so much as heard from him. He used to call me for at least an hour a day when he was in his unhapppy marriage. Another guy I went to school with, now lives in London and is working for the government in some capacity. Married too. I think he's trying to get away from his Rochdale roots. It's a shame I didn't go to college and university when I was young as I'd have made another group of friends. But my parents who were very old and old fashioned wanted me to get out and get a blue collar job so I could pay keep. Out of 120 quid when I was 17, I paid 80 quid in keep! They were from the era where if you worked hard you'd be the factory foreman eventually. Unfortunately factory work is up and down, usually supplied by agencies and temporary as well as being staffed by foreign people who don't speak much English. Then dad got cancer. Helped look after him. Then my gran got cancer. Then my mum got cancer. So I spent about 10 years caring for sick parents. Managed to buy a house after saving a while. Then I met the ex a few months after my mum died. The ex really did come along at the right time. Really comforted me after my mums death. So NOW I'm a student. Was hoping I'd meet some cool peope in the class but it's a group of 5 young lads from Pakistan and a single mum and her partner. Still it's good to be learning again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fodder Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 TBH they don't sound such good mates. I'm with 370nut, you need a new circle of friends who have similar interests and aren't interested in what you. Annprovide in their moment of need. Sounds like your old friends see you as a fall back option when things aren't going well for them. Join a group who have a similar interest to you be it photography, walking, art or whatever you find you are at ease talking about and if you aren't sure try some anyway as you never know. I took up couch to 5k in the summer with my local running club, I'm 20st over 6ft tall and the only male in my group.... great way to meet people who just want to get fitter and enjoy some company. You also need as others have said professional help, stop being taken for a ride and put your foot down. See a counsellor and a solicitor as soon as you can. NHS is fantastic in an emergency but really not geared up for mental health issues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
370Nut Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) Well there is no doubt you have had it tough buddy, you are young to go through all of that already Sounds all too familiar with your mate situation , women come along then kids and your mates you have known for years seem to forget overnight what friendship stands for until they want something I would defo try to join a club even if its one night a week , things will no doubt start to improve for you A positive outlook is defo the right frame of mind to be in Edited October 31, 2016 by 370Nut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Just to put some perspective on the whole mates forgetting you thing, in most cases when you have a child it takes up 110% of your life for the first 6 months, then about a year in you are also fighting hard to get your own life back to some sort of level where you do things for yourself. Not saying all your mates are not guilty, but having children does often mean you have so little free time often you choose to spend it on yourself rather than others - and I wouldn't blame people in the slightest for doing so. Its nothing personal. But as advised, people go through stages in their life and friends come and go, you just need to find the right ones for the right time of your life right now. It sounds harsh but with all the sympathy sometimes reality needs to give you a kick up the backside, take back control of your life, take corrective measures that suit you, set yourself goals, achieve them, move on and have a great life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I would just add, all this happens to women as well who do not have children. I am genuinely surprised in life how many friends come and go. If it was not for my Ex Hubby stating this happens lots in his experience of himself and others, I would have thought it was me !! Don't know if you have heard of a Nationwide Group called Spice. It is around £12 per month and has masses of activities to attend every week joining other like minded people who still want to live life but do not always have the friends around. Check it out, nothing to loose by looking ........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks Wendy that looks really good. Much more beneficial than people telling me im going insane and that I need urgent medical help and locking/dosing up just because I've ended up solitary in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 We've said that based upon your posts mate, because we're worried about you. We've also suggested lots of ideas, and also that it's not the end of the world being on your own for a bit. No harm in either embracing the me-time, or seeing the opportunity to expand your friend circle. There is harm is sitting there talking in the way you have so far, letting your ex roll all over you and then thinking that Xmas will be awful if you're on your own. We're often told these days that we shouldn't simply say "Oh well, never mind, you'll get over it, cheer up" to folks who may have genuine mental health concerns. We're told by the experts to recommend that they see somebody for help, and sooner rather than later. That's what the vast majority of people have done in here. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Hey no worries. I was a member for around 4 years and it helped me masses. Just even going for 4 - 6 mile walks with others in an unknown area followed by a lunch if you want. Best is you can join in an event outside your local area too. There are weekends away, ski trips - you name it basically. The Birmingham group is highly active - not sure where your location is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetpilot Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) Thats a bit harsh, people who have suffered with depression have tried to offer help and advise to get you through your current situation, if you generally have depression, its all great advise. If your just a bit low due to circumstance, it will get better , over and out Edited November 1, 2016 by Jetpilot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) I appreciate everyones advice but I don't feel that I'm insane just yet. I have an incredibly unsupportive family that really REALLY frowns on depression or anything that vaguely resembles admitting you're struggling a bit. That's down to my gran and the way she raised her children. Super stiff upper lip just get on with it, don't do your laundry in front of the public/other members of the family. Just suck it up. And that rubbed off on my brother and most of my cousins and they're thriving. But you try and have a meaningful deep conversation with them. It's like "Error. Does not compute. End communication" I unfortunately inherited my dads emotional makeup. When I said most of my cousins earlier - I recently found out one of my cousins has tried to end her life three times and my family just brushed it under the carpet and wrote her off. Edited November 1, 2016 by TT350 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 So? They're not you, and they're not the people you've come to for advice. You may share genes, but that doesn't mean you have to be like them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BulletMagnet Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Nobody has said you are insane, you did. Find help. you are not insane, but you need help. Good luck with your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 (edited) As everyone who has posted up to now has said (some from experience, some from knowledge), you appear to be suffering a medical condition ... call it whatever you want but at least don't dismiss their genuine desire to assist you to get through your problems ... Would you rather someone said " Please stop whining on and on; this is not the place to talk about your non-car-related girlfriend problems; I come here to talk to friends about Zeds, not to hear about the crap in your life " ??? Just sayin' edited to correct spelling Edited November 1, 2016 by ATTAK Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 If it helps any - Took my Doctor over 18months to convince me I was suffering from Depression some years back. I also come from a background where you 'Roll your sleeves up and get on with it'. 'Everyone gets low etc, that's life.' Stop Feeling sorry for Yourself etc etc. I learnt not to talk to anyone when down, I do it to this day despite knowing better !! Not too convinced about Anti Depressants as a medication, but definitely in Counselling - even if it is just pointing you in the right direction of books to read and aid yourself. For years I kept a book on any achievements - small things I had done making me feel good. As simple as Swept all the leaves from the Willow Tree in Autumn - nice neat garden now. It meant I could read it back when feeling low and assist motivating myself forward. Please look at the Positive and not negative of life - it only continues to hold you down looking at the negative. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KoukiKeith Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 OP, at the end of the day no one can truly understand what you're going through or how you feel. Whilst off-topic threads certainly spring up and have a place, I would say this is one of the things where you shouldn't turn to (or even open yourself up to) a community of relatively faceless people. It's just too important and could end up making you feel worse, which this does seem like it's in danger of doing. For what it's worth, it certainly sounds like you have been dealt a tough hand but being a bit proactive will go a long, long way. There's been some good solid suggestions already but I think it all needs to start with you having a good chat with a professional. Use that as a base and then when you're in a better space, try to go expand your network & meet some new people. It's already been said many times but you seriously need some legal advice ASAP before you're taken to the cleaners. I work in legal services (data protection, not family law so I'm not much use in this scenario) and I can assure you that it's possible to get some kind of help for every circumstance, no matter what budget (if any) you have ... CAB, universities, even law firms have free walk-in clinics. Do a bit of research but I'm positive you'll find something and at the very least you'll be better informed before you commit to more substantial representation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Well I am waiting to see a 'professional'. In the meantime the anti depressants really have helped. Like night and day. I've gone to university to brighten my future and to meet new people. I've already got many assignments which I'm enjoying doing. Learning is a pleasure. Next week were off to Heysham nuclear power station for a tour. The gym. I go to the gym every day now. People tend to keep to themselves in gyms. Especially women. I can understand they may feel a little guarded and vulnerable there. With regards to my friends and children. Stuarts children are 17! He had them at 19 and still says "can't do anythiny mate - got the kids" lol. That Spice does sound good. I'll be giving that a go. I go to a depression support group in Burnley every thursday night. Good guys but they're in their mid to late 50s/60s. Still it's nice to talk it out. It's just unfortunate that I'm at that point in life that most people are getting married and have an established career. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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