DoogyRev Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...' SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, ‘Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.' SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.' A BONUS EXTRA A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect!' 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronzee Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bounty Bar Kid Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Last one was brilliance Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhackyWill Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 :gathering: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMT Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebized Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 winning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stanzed Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 I actually did "laugh out loud" at the last one! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Now that reminds me...................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HEADPHONES Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 First and last ones are the winners in my book. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Found it, apologies if re post but makes me chuckle:- An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.' The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F... You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmc Posted March 2, 2013 Share Posted March 2, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoogyRev Posted March 2, 2013 Author Share Posted March 2, 2013 LTIGSM @ G ^^^ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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