jim

PM sent.

Might be one of the local modders with a similar plate. I'll keep an eye out for it.

Yes - seen these before but they are excellent.

Apologies if some of these have been posted before, but I thought it was quite a good collection. Tommy Cooper Jokes Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Doc, I can't stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed? ' 'No, because he's really heavy' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.' 'Well you can't say fairer than that then' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.' I said 'Why?' He said 'My dog's died.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I rang up a local building firm. I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said, 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'this is unusual'. And the dentist said to me, 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctor’s. The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know, I've been ill' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctor’s, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places' The doctor said, 'well, don't go to those places' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No worries, Jay. I enjoyed the chat and I'm looking forward to seeing the photos too.

Pretty much spot on, Stew. If you want to know what it does, go under a bridge or in a tunnel or narrow street, open both windows, switch to power mode and floor it. If the noise it makes doesn't bring a smile to your face, you're dead.

Guess it wasn't them then.

Nope - just got a glimpse of it on the way past.

Depends what you're starting with.

Luckily the salesman who gave me the test drive at the importers warned me right away about the snow/power switch. I've never had a problem with it in two years. It was in power mode all day yesterday during a 200 mile trip to Inveraray and back. By the way has anybody else noticed how many big bikes are all over the roads in the Highlands and Argyll & Bute these days? I saw literally hundreds yesterday, and very few were obeying the speed limit.

Mine was converted also by the importer - the mileage was confirmed by the BIMTA certificate as well.

This looked like a flip colour, but was certainly "reddish".

Not a Zed, but a heavily modded Supra in Falkirk today (parked opposite the Police station) with a registration which looked something like E** NVY. Wondered if it had anything to do with Envy performance?

To convert kms to miles, multiply by 5 and divide by 8. So doing that would mean that 40k kms translates as 25k miles.

Enjoy the car and the forum.

Not if you use it sparingly. Most people throw far too much into the bucket and get too high a concentration.

Will you be coming to mine too Jay Jim - if you're interested in a carbon fibre front lip for the car for your upcoming photoshoot drop me a PM (my mate has one thats surplus to requirements) You have PM.

Looking forward to it. It'll be good to meet you too. Hope the weather holds out.

Happy birthday Martin.

+1 Hence Z ownership, amongst other things.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Weather forecast not looking good for later this week, though.

Stealth Zeds - I like it!

You hit it right on the head there - far too many people are allowed to make profits from buying and selling commodities which haven't even been extracted from the ground yet! That's the result of a totally unregulated free market economy for you. There is one hope, and that is that the high prices will drive much more research into finding alternatives to petroleum-based products, including petrol. If petrol had been much more expensive in the USA for years, we would probably all be driving hydrogen fuel cell-powered cars by now.