twobears

Buster, don't you ever stop? "...the front bumper looks the tits" MattW, that's an interesting turn of phrase!!!!!!

Surely you'd need someone to run ahead of you putting grease on the road if you drove that?

Eek I hope none of that rust comes off on your lovely clean carpet!

Thanks Graham and Hugh. I'm still here and, more importantly, so is my house The whopper hose performed most satisfactorily and we shifted thousands of gallons of water into the field opposite. It took nearly eight hours

My husband has a small pump and a moderate length of hose but I managed to get hold of the real whopper from a chap in the village. I haven't read that grey book thingy but my writing seems to have taken a turn for the worse so I'll remove myself to the sitting room immediately. Night, night and let's hope that summer starts tomorrow morning!

Stew, are you being rude now as well? You're a moderator aren't you? I think you should ban yourself from the forum forthwith

How very dare you! The geese loved the flood as you can probably imagine. They decided to dig some big holes in the orchard and stick their heads in them so they've gone to bed all mucky* (*oops, I've come over all Yorkshire tonight, sorry) and the orchard looks like the Somme

" ...apparently the teabagging will be in a subsequent instalment." Steady on Sarah "...mars bars are my speciality...." SMD, are we talking fun-sized?

Gosh Pete, sounds like your day was very similar to mine We discovered a leak in the dressing room (I know, how posh am I? ) upstairs so that had to have a bucket placed underneath. Yet another job to add to my list - getting the roof looked at Our septic tank has a pump so if it gets too full it pumps the water out down the garden, adding 'black water' to the lake that was already there It's high tide again soon and the dykes (water-filled ditches for the more excitable amongst you ) look like they might owertop* (*just assuming everyone speaks fluent Yorkshire ) any moment. Oh joy ...

Suddenly I don't feel so well I'll take the Kindle version please SMD

Well, I've looked it up Vik but not sure I like the sound of it to be honest I might borrow SMD's copy when he's finished with it but I don't think I'll buy my own just yet.

SMD, that sounds suspiciously like a trick and I am not going to fall for it I think one of the ladies should PM me to save your blushes

As usual, I am slow to catch on. Whatever are you all talking about? I hope I'm not going to regret asking this question?

Thanks buster. This is the fourth time in six years that we've been flooded. They are supposed to be building a pumping station on the riverbank to stop it happening again but the govt. have been dragging their heels for the past two years as they don't want to spend any money. Hope you are feeling a bit better today

Boys, you seem to be making light of my problems I would hold a Lesbian and Gay Pride March in through my garden every year if they would promise to help bail out some of this bl**dy water right now!!!!!

Thank you Husband has come home now and we are going down to the clough (a sort of gate which lets the water from the dykes flow into the river at low tide) to see if it's blocked. Whole trees often get lodged in it and wedge the gates open so that the entire Humber and Ouse rivers try to come back up the dyke and through our garden. Seriously bad news I love living here but sometimes it's a pain in the backside.

After moaning on here about not being able to get out of the village, things got a lot worse when my garden flooded Luckily my daughter and her boyfriend are here so we made sandbags and various other flood defences and managed to borrow a huge pump from the Parish council. Several hours later we are still pumping water out of the garden but, fortunately, it hasn't yet got into the house. It's lapping up around the front door, swirling round the side of the house like a river and lapping up at some French windows at the back so all a bit worrying. I'm dreading high tide tonight and think I'll have to stay up all night I live inland but we have two tidal dykes coming down near the cottage so I always have to keep my eye on tide times as strange as that seems.

Wow! I didn't realise that was even possible. I always crashed my car when playing with my Hot Wheels track but it was fun.

Thanks for the info Pete, even if you are the bearer of bad news Ekona, no, the Evoque is my husband's company car and he has managed to get out of the village by driving on the grass verges. I don't think Mr Zed would take kindly to that sort of thing though Also, my husband still has to make the return journey this evening and, if the rain continues at this rate, I think he'll need some sort of car provided by the likes of Q that can turn into a boat cmck13 - ok, I'll wave to camera just for you. I'm busy adding the final goose feathers to my outfit now

Ok, I'll go and get my Anti-Rain-Dance clothes on and do my special dance to drive the rain away. Hang on a sec!

Oooh Reading Festival That takes me back. I was at uni in Reading but haven't been back in years. Fingers crossed that the rain stops for you

I've never met you but I dislike you already

I'm stuck here at home because all the roads to the outside world are now flooded I've had to ring my instructor to cancel my riding lesson and I can't even get up to see my horse. Horse doesn't care, apparently, because she's been turned out in a really lush field and is busy wading around knee-deep in grass but I am fed up of this bl**dy weather When will the rain ever stop? Can I rain please?

Hmm, not for me I'm afraid but my daughter would love it She's wanted one for ages but so far all she's managed to get is a mug shaped like one I am a fairly generous mother but not that bloomin' generous

That's the ticket! Have a few more drugs mate. They must be good