Toon Chris

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007 ... car-p1.php

Benny the sheep farmer told the vet he was having trouble with a ram that kept banging its head against the barn. The vet said that the ram probably had bad nerves and that playing some music would calm him. Several weeks later, the vet visited the farmer and found that the ram had died. "Did you play music to him, as I suggested?" asked the vet. "Certainly," replied Benny. "What on earth did you play?" "Frank Sinatra singing 'There Will Never Be Another You'." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly French farmer is in his local church's confessional. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he says. "During the Second World War a beautiful but distraught woman appeared at my farmhouse, fearful and in blind panic. She begged me to hide her from the enemy. I hid her in the attic." "No need to ask forgiveness for that, my son," says the priest. "It was a wonderful thing to do." "Yeah," replies the farmer, "but she started offering me sexual favours in return, and I went along with it." "People in wartime situations do funny things. If you are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven." "That's a great load off my mind," says the pensioner. "May I ask a question?" "Of course." "She's getting on a bit now. Should I tell her the war is over?"

Funny. Bless KILL THEM ALL... oops, sorry

Metal shards big enough to make an audible noise in the sump is not good - expect some heavy duty damage somewhere.

Nice. Simple and understated

Godd decision mate! (the car and joining here )

That is a huge price! Incidentally, the local shell - £1.09

Father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. 'Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love, your son, Joshua. P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. (Call when it is safe for me to come home)

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ' in a series of small fires.' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and WON! Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars lost in the 'fires'. NOW FOR THE BEST PART.. After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

no

Nice one matey be sure to post up a fresh piccie tomorrow...

...and the right one

Hi Bud... No pictures for you I'm afraid but welcome all the same

Hmm. On paper the same but it doesn't look as pretty on the screen.

TBH that flywheel doesn't look too healthy for something that is only 5K miles on. Did you have a new flywheel at the last clutch change? The There is also what I would consider quite a lot of dust which would imply excessive wear. The problem is that I`ve seen tons of clutches but no Z clutches so don't know if that is normal or not. The main point remains, however. Too much charge to investigate, haven't fixed what they set out to fix.

Oh, 'just' some eibachs

Well come on then! What is in the box...

Speed and Revs would do for me

I can see Martin getting arrested for mis-using his spotted cards Blimey is that you Martin? You want to get that seen to, looks like quite a swelling...

It`s V nice. Tempting, but how do you wire it in? Do you know if its a few properly designed plugs or is it a major cut and shunt into the loom?

Phil has both in stock (well he did last weekend). Decide when you get there... Personally I LOVE my 5Zigen

+1. Contact Nissan GB customer care but only if you can't get anywhere with the garage first. Make sure you get the old parts from the garage - don't let them be thrown away. You may need an independent assessment of them. If you can, get someone who know about cars to sit with you and go visit the workshop manager. Explain that they have misdiagnosed a clutch fault on a clutch only 5K old. Explain that it took then 4 hours to misdiagnose the wrong part. Explain that you will pay for the new parts (because you have benefited from them) but not the labour. He is able to give you free labour much more easily than free parts. If he agrees to this then its a quick and easy get out - if not then its going to be harder for you but you must stick with it and this time go for parts and labour. Get the RAC or AA legal assistance if you can.

Have a girly what all over where?

Thanks Mike. It looks like way too much trouble. I can see it all coming apart but never being quite the same afterwards