AliveBoy Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Dear Agony Zedders, Today I've been an idiot, I forgot my keys. As I have no keys I can't get into my desk draw which is causing me a huge issue.... I can't get my headphones out!! (or my paperwork...) My colleagues are taking this as a sign of "I'm sociable, please talk to me!" What can I do to regain my peace for the day? or should I just join in with the monotony of being a "non car person"? Thanks for your help, Aliveboy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
350 Russ Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 (edited) Double post Edited January 6, 2014 by 350 Russ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grundy Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 I'm sat here with headphones in Craft some tool to break into the draw?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
350 Russ Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Go home sick. Job done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 I'm sat here with headphones in Craft some tool to break into the draw?! I spent 10 minutes trying whilst people talking about their little precious trying some special soup for the first time, I can get the draw open about 5mm, but not enough to see anything. I can't break the draw too much, as I hide cake bars, chocolate etc in there and need to keep it safe Go home sick. Job done! It's busy season here, so it might not go down too well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
350zedd Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Don't talk about the weather, whatever you do. It's a sign that you're trying to make small talk without being personal. Instead of relating to the rain or sun, try relating to the person you're talking with. Pay attention to your body language Maintain good eye contact Keep your hands under control Talk slowly and laugh at their jokes even if theyre crap That should get you to lunch time! Get your keys then get back to this.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Don't talk about the weather, whatever you do. It's a sign that you're trying to make small talk without being personal. Instead of relating to the rain or sun, try relating to the person you're talking with.Pay attention to your body language Maintain good eye contact Keep your hands under control Talk slowly and laugh at their jokes even if theyre crap That should get you to lunch time! Get your keys then get back to this.... I will try; my master Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grundy Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Sod that, don't make eye contact, other wise you will enter the dreaded C word! get a coat hanger or, genius idea has come to me, join lots of paper clips together (Stretched out) and fish for them! That will keep you going Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
14N Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Not sure how many people are in your office, but these phrases should exclude you from any future conversations: "Eat too much over Christmas did we"? (Whilst pointing at their waistline). "That eye shadow really doesn't suit you" "Did you get your hair done at the weekend? No? You should of done". "I don't think that's your colour is it really"? "Did you see the new series of Dancing on Ice? I didn't as the paint I was watching was still drying" And if all else fails.... "Hey, let's talk about cars" 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Start flirting with someone inappropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grundy Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Start flirting with someone inappropriate. Then inappropriately flirt with that inappropriate person Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Start flirting with someone inappropriate. Then inappropriately flirt with that inappropriate person or appropriate person. Just flirt with someone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sempiternal Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Not sure how many people are in your office, but these phrases should exclude you from any future conversations: "Eat too much over Christmas did we"? (Whilst pointing at their waistline). "That eye shadow really doesn't suit you" "Did you get your hair done at the weekend? No? You should of done". "I don't think that's your colour is it really"? "Did you see the new series of Dancing on Ice? I didn't as the paint I was watching was still drying" And if all else fails.... "Hey, let's talk about cars" Hey F1 is going Turbo this year Oh you dont follow it... Will Rossi see any success this season.. Oh you dont watch bikes...... Oh you like footy.... Sigh Bleeding Sigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bockaaarck Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Start rocking in your seat, twitch and talk to yourself loudly "....Ahh, the penguins, the penguins.....*twitch* / flinch*.......rrrrrr ....tomato paste!(shouted loudly).....grrrrr..........the paper bag (whispered to yourself)......*start chewing savagely on pen*.... Works for me all the time 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyser Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Just growl as they approach - that should slow the conversation. I don't have headphones on - but I have my own office so I just play whatever as loud as I like 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vik54 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Or go and print this off and post in the kitchen / coffee area To All Staff, RE: SWEARING AT WORK It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore a list of 18 new and innovative phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing. 2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting c__t. 3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do that? 4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No f___ing chance. 5) TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me! 6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f__. 7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my f____ing problem. 8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f___? 9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work. 10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that in. INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ing h _ll didn't you tell me sooner? 11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__. 12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die. 13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my f___ a__. 14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm not doing overtime. 15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__ dumb f____ 16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job sucks c__k. 17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss? 18 ) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck. Thank You, Human Resources 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Start flirting with someone inappropriate. Then inappropriately flirt with that inappropriate person or appropriate person. Just flirt with someone! I probably shouldn't... The boss is my soon to be wife's father Sent from my C6903 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chirag1988 Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Not sure how many people are in your office, but these phrases should exclude you from any future conversations: "Eat too much over Christmas did we"? (Whilst pointing at their waistline). "That eye shadow really doesn't suit you" "Did you get your hair done at the weekend? No? You should of done". "I don't think that's your colour is it really"? "Did you see the new series of Dancing on Ice? I didn't as the paint I was watching was still drying" And if all else fails.... "Hey, let's talk about cars" I've just forwarded this to the guys in my office Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stutopia Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Eat two packets of prawn cocktail crisps then two packets of scampi fries then be sure to breathe heavily towards anyone who approaches and mentions any one of: Soaps Little Timmy Reality TV Weather What happened over Winterval Anything in the Daily Mail Floods Wind The ongoing crisis in Syria Scratch the last one, no one talks about that when there's a dance based contest on TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cyntax Posted January 6, 2014 Share Posted January 6, 2014 Fabricate a simple lock pick from an old paper clip, and try jimmying the lock open, all whilst humming the mission impossible theme song. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted January 6, 2014 Author Share Posted January 6, 2014 Eat two packets of prawn cocktail crisps then two packets of scampi fries then be sure to breathe heavily towards anyone who approaches and mentions any one of: Soaps Little Timmy Reality TV Weather What happened over Winterval Anything in the Daily Mail Floods Wind The ongoing crisis in Syria Scratch the last one, no one talks about that when there's a dance based contest on TV. I suppose I also need to use as many words starting with P as possible Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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