-Bradders- Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Good advice on general health, drinking, food intake and exercise are all contributing factors. Also getting good sleep makes a world of difference. If like me you was also suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, sleep was the last thing you could do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Your right, "your not alone". Loads of people suffer from depression. In my experience I find sitting down and working out exactly whats causing you to feel depressed, then listing what you think you can do about it helps. There are always options, some are not viable, others might be. If there really isnt an option at the moment then you need to workout what you can to to make things a bit more comfortable until there is an option. It is so so easy though to let things just get on top of you until you dont think you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Also its easy to turn to other routes to try and make you forget about the problem, like drinking / rec drugs etc. Then it just builds up and builds up and whilst you might feel a bit better sometimes, it ultimately doesnt help and they are actually making things worse. It is very hard though to get your head around things, which is why so many people use counselors etc to help talk them through things. Not something id fancy - as personally ive never been one to open up about my real feelings/problems to anyone, so id find it a bit too difficult. But it works for a lot of people I know. Personally I know I always feel better when I have some sort of mechanism to help take my mind off things. So for me, motorbikes, working out, clay shooting, running, playing computer games or working on cars. As I have found out recently - when im unable to do any of these, and my life just revolves around the same daily non rewarding things, i end up feeling like crap. But, when I am able to do some of those things I enjoy, it takes my mind off things, helps me de-stress and my whole general mood & outlook on life is so much more positive. The 3 items you mention about resolving.. Relationship Problems... when I had this, the answer was to move on. Hard, but ultimately works in the long term. There also is the worry "what if i dont meet anyone else" etc... but you will. Concentrate more on trying to find new friends rather than a new partner etc and dont jump into anything too quickly. I usually find partners through work or friends, or even match.com. But there are a lot of wierdos on there so you have to be careful. Loneliness - depends on if this is linked to the above, i.e. your fedup not having a companion. Or if its just not having mates to have a pint with. Getting back in touch with old mates I found helped and resparked the old friendships. Also joining new clubs or gyms, biker meets, car meets. If you go somewhere where you are going to meet people with similar interests to you, then you have loads to talk about and soon make new friends. Guilt over mistakes mate - this is a big one.. Regret. Lot of people say no point in dwelling on the past as there isnt much you can do about it now but its easier said than done. The way I see it (and it doesnt always help me) is that I did whatever I did back then for a reason and it seemed like the right reason at the time. Very often tho it might have been temptation and you knew it was wrong at the time but you still did it - and now you are older & wiser you regret that. Another true thing I find is that you also tend to look back on some things with rose tinted glasses. Good luck mate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldel Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Ultimately learn to look after yourself and pat yourself on the back for even the smallest things. Work on your self-esteem, recognising your strengths, accepting your deficiencies (we all have them), accept we all make mistakes its how we move on from them that really matters, surround yourself with the right people at the right time to get what you need out of life right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Good advice on general health, drinking, food intake and exercise are all contributing factors. Also getting good sleep makes a world of difference. If like me you was also suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, sleep was the last thing you could do. I need to sleep... It's late, I'm really tired... What if I end up sleeping in, I'll be late for work!... I'm too wound up to go to sleep... If I don't get to sleep soon there's no way I'll be up on time... Oh god it's so late now, should I stay up and not sleep? That would mean I get tot work on time, but I'll be a zombie... I should sleep... I can't sleep... ****... *smother self with pillow to stop hyperventilating*. Boy oh boy that's just a bag of fun. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Bradders- Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 sounds odd but im my head i worked out, the actual very worst situation you can be in is dead. and if you aint dead you're doing alright as said strange things go through your head at that time of need. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Sorry to hear you are having a bad run of things at the moment; i have had mixed responses to dealing with issues like stress and depression. I had a difficult time processing things in my late teens to the point i had attempted suicide (glad a mate was near and saved me as now i can see i would have lost so much but thats 15 years on) I have struggled with depression at different points, a few years ago i went to see a doctor as i was struggling at work; all i got was "have you tried cheering up!" so i don't tend to rate the medical profession when it comes to support for mental health. I have since come to appreciate a few things that helps me. 1. Life with depression is like being in a storm when your on a crest of a wave life can feel great and you see the benefits, but when in a trough you can't see a way out and life can be depressing - remembering the peaks and aiming for new ones can help. 2. You have to learn to love yourself; if you can't love yourself how can you expect others to love you as well. 3. make plans, change what makes you unhappy, I changed jobs to remove myself from a senior manager that made my life miserable. 4. sort your diet and sleep patterns - I became nocturnal for a while in my 20's slept in the day worked at night separated from others and ate crap. - balanced diet and sleep pattern can resolve some issues, it took me 5 years to get back to vaguely normal. i still suffer with insomnia and only average 5-6 hours of sleep a night. i have to work had not to slip into old habits. 5. this isn't an answer but it helps me - my family (2 kids) are the reason i get up in the morning, their photo at work reminds me when it gets crap why i go to work and who i'm doing it for. they cheer me up after a bad day. I have managed to control my depression without drugs, i've spent a lot of time talking and i had to go back and challenge some of my issues directly with the people involved to resolve my own internal problems. not easily done and painful at times, but it helped. I hope you can find a balance and comfort that leave you in a better place long term 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I became nocturnal for a while in my 20's slept in the day worked at night separated from others and ate crap. Do you remember the days of us being nocturnal buddies on Xbox, is it still nocturnal if you are awake during the day too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I became nocturnal for a while in my 20's slept in the day worked at night separated from others and ate crap. Do you remember the days of us being nocturnal buddies on Xbox, is it still nocturnal if you are awake during the day too? Lol I wish i had the time these days i try to give my self specific switch off points, try to stop work at midnight, no phone and tablet usage after 10 give myself 30 minutes from work end to wind down before bed. not always possible but it helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AliveBoy Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 When I was 18 my parents moved to the Channel Islands for my Dad's job with short notice, leaving me in their house. I was soon to finish college and all of my friends were about to go off to Uni. Suddenly I was 18, living in a 4 bed house with "no" friends and "no" parents. I was working freelance and the job I was doing I worked every day of the summer months and only 5 or 6 days of the winter months. When winter came around I was brutally lonely as I felt trapped inside my own head and house, I wasn't depressed, I just had a bad year or so. The absolutely best thing I ever did was volunteer. I decided to become a scout leader as it was something I enjoyed as a child. My weekends had scout camps, dodgeball tournaments, hikes and cook outs. My week nights had planning meetings, scout meets, award ceremonies, canoeing, rock climing to name a few. I still do it now and some of the other leaders are great friends. The next year I moved into my own flat, got a proper job and then bought my first Z. It's amazing how fixing one problem in life causes a change in attitude, which makes you realise how to fix other problems. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 The thing that concerns/amazes me is just how many people suffer with anxiety and depression. I'm convinced it is a 'modern' thing. The stress we're put through in this day and age is horrendous. Pressure on relationships, work, consumer treadmill etc is immense these days. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flex Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'd agree Paul but also some people (not saying anyone here) just use it as a get out of work/life problems card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 The thing that concerns/amazes me is just how many people suffer with anxiety and depression. I'm convinced it is a 'modern' thing. The stress we're put through in this day and age is horrendous. Pressure on relationships, work, consumer treadmill etc is immense these days. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk It's not just the fact that modern life exacerbates mental health issues, it's that society then barely gives a @*!# about them in comparison to "normal" problems. Personally I have no interest going down the well trodden path that leads to a place like the USA working ridiculous times under crazy pressure. I'm all for the 4 or even 3 day working week where you knock your self out being solidly productive for the short time period and then spend the rest of the time actually living life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'd agree Paul but also some people (not saying anyone here) just use it as a get out of work/life problems card. Definitely. I've seen it happen a few times. Probably why it gets a stigma as a 'lazy' persons illness. I'd had anxiety before now. Not for too long (6 months) and not too chronic (was still able to work and function) and I can honestly say it's the worst experience of my life and I firmly believe it was 'mild' by comparison. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Bradders- Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'd agree Paul but also some people (not saying anyone here) just use it as a get out of work/life problems card. Definitely. I've seen it happen a few times. Probably why it gets a stigma as a 'lazy' persons illness. I'd had anxiety before now. Not for too long (6 months) and not too chronic (was still able to work and function) and I can honestly say it's the worst experience of my life and I firmly believe it was 'mild' by comparison. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk exactly what i had but for about 4 months. every morning wake up fine, 10 mins later, tightness in chest, heavy weight feeling on my stomach, felt like i couldn't face the world that day. overthink everything, then have a tighter feeling in chest causing me to think i was having a heart attack, which caused me to have a panic attack which then made it worse! a vicious cycle! Learnt some awesome breathing techniques which got me out of it all! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'd agree Paul but also some people (not saying anyone here) just use it as a get out of work/life problems card. Definitely. I've seen it happen a few times. Probably why it gets a stigma as a 'lazy' persons illness. I'd had anxiety before now. Not for too long (6 months) and not too chronic (was still able to work and function) and I can honestly say it's the worst experience of my life and I firmly believe it was 'mild' by comparison. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk exactly what i had but for about 4 months. every morning wake up fine, 10 mins later, tightness in chest, heavy weight feeling on my stomach, felt like i couldn't face the world that day. overthink everything, then have a tighter feeling in chest causing me to think i was having a heart attack, which caused me to have a panic attack which then made it worse! a vicious cycle! Learnt some awesome breathing techniques which got me out of it all! I was a little different in that I'd sleep like a log but clearly very disturbed sleep....I'd wake up with a massive start and feel like crap until I got into work and had my mind occupied otherwise. I used a meditation by our think it's something like John Kabat Zin which is a mindfulness technique (pretty sure you can youtube). Guided meditation. It only takes 10 mins and is basically designed to clear your mind by concentrating on your breathing. Everyone your mind slips off into panic mode you just bring it back to concentrating on your breathing. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Share Posted May 10, 2016 Hi guys. Bit busy at work. Replying from the little bots room. Thanks for all the replies. Some really really good advice and accounts posted here. I can really identify with a lot of it, which is comforting. I won't turn down any advice and im not the type to grumble and no be proactive in fixing things. The loneliness thing - I'm starting to think maybe I have a personality disorder. I meet people, it goes great then slowly but surely the excuses come and they dissappear. That's a bit soul destroying over time. Or maybe I just don't meet the right type of people. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a loon lol. Maybe I have that Aspergers thing in a mild form. Either way I did have a great group of friends but they all had hatchling at pretty much the same time. Then they dropped off the radar. They all changed completely too. Old crude jokes and memories stopped getting a laugh, that kinda thing. Gym. I talk to a few people there but like I say, they're the wrong type (for me). Car meets - my Z is dead. That's a big thing. I drove my Z the other day (knocking bottom end) and I just felt amazing. When u get that back up and running I'll feel better. It's my hobby and passion. I planned to get to many meets this summer. Work. Elderly staff from a small village. A bit Royston Vassey. Relationship, we're working on it. Things are getting better. I don't want to move on just yet. Exercise. I get 2 to 3 hours a day. Diet is good. Consists of baked chicken breast, spiced rice, veg, pasta, lean pork and beef, healthy fats supplemented. Sleep. I do really really struggle with sleep. I get lots of anxiety as I hit the pillow. My mind dredges up all sorts of things and puts it on spin cycle. I started taking sleeping pills but a chemist told me the amount I take I'm better off getting a script for tranquilisers. Only my practice won't prescribe anything. Sleeping pills or tranquilisers. I ended up then taking Nurofen Plus for the codeine content to relax me at night. Worked well. But you build a tolerance for that really quickly so I got off them. I did volunteer for Christies to meet new people and help others. A win win. But they've barely contacted me. Things have to change and I will change them. I may go get some help in the form of talking. Perhaps an anti-d that helps anxiety too. I can only keep trying. Been in the loo 20 mins. Best get back..... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Just checked it is John Kabat Zinn. Different strokes work for different folks though but however much of a non believing man's man you are a counsellor and meditation are the least painful way you can control it. I was petrified of having to take medication which thankfully I never had to Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 http://rain.nxe7.com/ Always helped me drift off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Ah TT I forgot you were the chappie in the midst of a relationship bump If I had to stake my left knacker (my favourite one) I'd have you say most of your problems most likely root from there. I didn't realise it at the time but I was not in a good place relationship wise. Going home at night should be something to look forward to. If it isn't then your surrounded by misery (unless you really love your job!). Hopefully you can work through it and I bet you'll see an improvement if you do......conversely you may need to improve mentally before you can improve as a couple........both of which are graft to do. Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Share Posted May 10, 2016 I'll reply properly later. A big thing for me is underachievement. I'm not fulfilled in my career. I really want to go back to education and I feel that I'll thrive then. Rice, I no longer dread coming home. It's gotten better. I do get bored with tv in the evenings though and she's a right goggle box! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 For a long time i would listen to music on low in the background to fall asleep; i'm one of those weird people who don't cope well with silence. sleep wise i need background noise to focus on so that my brain stops processing. otherwise i have ideas/plans etc wizzing round my head for ages. I don't like working in silence either, so at work i put a radio on. sleep is difficult i struggle with it and diet and exercise, i have to tackle each one at a time I've always had low self esteem and confidence, i've learnt to hide it well, taken a lot of practice; helps being a teacher you have no choice but to combat them. but i have tell tale give away that i can't always hide. I appreciate the sense of lonliness, after uni i moved away from a lot of my mates down south, even after 10 years here i still haven't really established a network of friends. most of the people i speak to are from car clubs etc or the odd work colleague. but after the kids arrived trying to maintain any kind of social life was nearly impossible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 . I do get bored with tv in the evenings though and she's a right goggle box! just like my missus! Thinks the perfect night in is just watching telly and expects me to sit there with her. Theres some right crap on telly these days. The sleep thing is something I also really struggle with. I think its because im always on the go solid from 6am right up until I go to bed (as ive detailed before in another thread). I wear a fitness band and sometimes it says that in a whole day the longest ive actually be idle or not moving has only been 10mins! Mad. So when my head hits the pillow at bedtime, its the first time ive actually had chance to reflect on things and my brain goes into overdrive thinking about all the stuff I need to do but havent had time to do that day, things i need to do in the morning, what things i have to do later in the week etc. etc. etc. The other night I lay there for nearly 3 hours before I finally got to sleep which means you wake up shattered the next day after just 4 or 5 hours sleep max. Ive not tried any pills but a good bottle of vodka seems to really help send me off, but thats not ideal every night. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beavis Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 (edited) Good advice on general health, drinking, food intake and exercise are all contributing factors. Also getting good sleep makes a world of difference. If like me you was also suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, sleep was the last thing you could do. Believe you me it was great when i got back to having a full night sleep. I went for four months without a single night when i was always waking at 3am in the morning with stuff ruminating around me head until it was time to get up. Edited May 10, 2016 by Beavis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted May 10, 2016 Author Share Posted May 10, 2016 Sometimes ASMR videos on YouTube help me sleep. I think you have to be susceptible to them though. Whispersred GentleWhispering HeatherFeather Those are 3 I like but there are loads. Basically if you find getting your hair cut strangely relaxing, you'll be susceptible to these videos in terms of relaxation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimboy2 Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 I was listening to a podcast the other day about ASMR. Mouth noises creeped me out! Hope everything work out for you dude. I have been suffering in silence for the last few years and at the moment I want to keep it that way. I'm just not ready to face up to facts. You have made the biggest step by admitting to yourself there is something not quite right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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