Ricey Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Anyone who's seen my more philosophical posts will know that I've a reasonable amount of contempt for the modern world and specifically the fact that good people get turned into mongtards by becoming middle management..........so I thought I'd go and get promoted into a middle managers job. ...........if you can't beat em..........mong em! And in true mongtard style I have been promoted to the official title 'Team Manage'r..........the first thing that was made clear to me is that I won't be managing a team or have any direct reports into me - the irony of it all actually puts a smile on my face. Anyways I've never bothered to apply before as it doesn't mean a payrise (still on pre-recession wages) and I hate the idea of managing a team day in day out so this is actually the job I've been waiting for, for a very long time - bits of projects, representing the department and general management monging about. Should be good..........expect a gradual but immediate deterioration in the quality of my posts - or if I actually retain my sanity a far more violent and vitriolic reaction when ever the office environment is mentioned! I love a good quote so as I embark on this journey I feel its only fitting that I use one of the great middle managers of our time; People see me, and they see the suit, and they go: "you're not fooling anyone", they know I'm rock and roll through and through. But you know that old thing, live fast, die young? Not my way. Live fast, sure, live too bloody fast sometimes, but die young? Die old. That's the way- not orthodox, I don't live by "the rules" you know. And if there's one other person who's influenced me in that way I think, someone who is a maverick, someone who does that to the system, then, it's Ian Botham. Because Beefy will happily say "that's what I think of your selection policy, yes I've hit the odd copper, yes I've enjoyed the old dooby, but will you **** off and leave me alone, I'm walking to John O'Groats for some spastics." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 haha love it mate, top work. Watch the film "Office Space" you will absolutely love it bud Apparently the guy is me AND Congratulations on your 1000th post!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Well done buddy and enjoy it...............I think Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 well done mate, maybe you should takeup drinking. it helps kill the braincells faster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 haha love it mate, top work. Watch the film "Office Space" you will absolutely love it bud Apparently the guy is me AND Congratulations on your 1000th post!!!! I knew I could rely on my faithful hound to notice! I've got not time for films now dawg! Its all power lunches, spreadsheets and liaising with people (effing 'liaising' for God sakes - I mean who the hell liaises....if I have to send anyone off to 'liaise' with someone I'm going to ensure in lieu of the word 'liaise' I'm going use the phrase 'oi softlad.....go and have a chat with that cretin in the other room and tell him to pull his finger out of his arse so we can get this done'). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 well done mate, maybe you should takeup drinking. it helps kill the braincells faster. Probably doesn't help not drinking in honesty.........I think thats how most people can put up with it while I slowly die in the corner furiously ranting - the bloke who sits a couple of desks away spends most of his day laughing at my ranting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I still struglle with all this modern clap trap. My boss is also ex royal navy and uses their phrases too. I am a simple sailor. Congratulation Paul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marzman Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Congrats bud... I had a promotion about 5 months ago (not into management, but to consultancy from development) and its been pretty much life changing (for the better) so far... John, Office Space is the best. 'Do you like Michael Bolton?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 I find myself using the phrases "networking", "error state", "discussion offline", "compressed timeline", and other evil phrases. But while I do, I find myself using them in a way where it feels like a second language not part of my first. I am secretly laughing at people for using them with passion and meaning. quite often I spend my time in the workshop, where telling your fellow employee "your mum is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry" is an acceptable form of banter. The best thing to do is watch the recommended film for all people who work in an office as mentioned above and then take a nice relaxing deep breath and lean back in your chair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Congrats bud... I had a promotion about 5 months ago (not into management, but to consultancy from development) and its been pretty much life changing (for the better) so far... John, Office Space is the best. 'Do you like Michael Bolton?' "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately. " "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob." F**kin' A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Our company has picked up the annoying 'lets put that in the fridge'...........how about lets not - its not a pint of sodding milk - its a problem and it won't just bugger off because you've stuck it behind the yogurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Husky Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Our company has picked up the annoying 'lets put that in the fridge'...........how about lets not - its not a pint of sodding milk - its a problem and it won't just bugger off because you've stuck it behind the yogurts. wtf does that even mean! "we cant be arsed so lets ignore it until it goes away la la la la" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martinmac Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Enjoy your Scooby Snacks Paul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtbiscuit Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 this language is all new to me, the people in my office use terms such as "Hench" "bbbbrap" "whaterva" "oh ma days" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfman Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 haha a lad that used to work with me used to always hate management for fiddling things, never doing things correctly, never having a back bone and using the management "lingo", now he's a management however he does do those things with a lot of passion, so we rip it out of him I hate "lets take this offline" mate, your not even online, this isnt the internet, it's flippin real life! it's basicly code for "i dont want anyone to know about what we're discussing" or "i dont know what your talking about and your going to show me up" Managment... PfffT! Congrates though ricey! Remember, you dont need to know what your talking about, as long as you use the correct words Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Well done and welcome to the world of 'horizon scanning' 'blue sky thinking' 'risk management' 'managing change' and my current favourite 'hot wash' ????????? It's all a load of old clap trap. Not to mention the endless 'working parties' to decide which type of paperclip to use....... Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarmac@TarmacSportz Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Congrats buddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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