1) I cost my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel. 
2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire! 
3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack. 
4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth. 
5) I shave with a bowie knife. 
6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off! 
7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste! 
8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete. 
9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer 
10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe 
11}I am ians cats best customer 
12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees 
13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks 
14}I brush my teeth with a wire brush