A bit of light hearted humour you can recount to your mates in the pub tonight.
Man says to wife 'I had a wet dream about you last night, I
dreamt you got run over by a bus and I pi**ed myself laughing'.
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 A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust
 bigger. He said 'try rubbing toilet paper between your tits, it's worked
 for your arse'.
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My uncle just got struck off the medical register for having sex
with his patients, it's a real shame cause he's a really good vet.
 Woman walks past a pet shop with a sign reading 'For sale
 clitoris licking frog' She goes in and the shopkeeper say's 'Bonjour
 madame'.
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 Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too
 much, it scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never
 reading again.
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 Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her
 'what's your mum like?' Little girl replies 'Big cocks and vodka'.
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 A couple in a cafe in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an
 argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?' The
 waitress leaned over and said ........ 'Burrr gurrr king'.
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 Boss has to lay off Ann or Jack. Ann walks into the office, boss
 say's 'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....'You
 better jack off, I've got a headache'.
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Larry la Prise who wrote the hokey cokey has died aged 93. The
worst part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg
in, then the trouble started.
Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were
all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in
the river.
Sorry I haven't been in touch, a friend was rushed to hospital
to have a dangerous mole removed from his penis...... he won't be
sha**ing one of those again!
It's important to keep fit as you get older, my granny started
walking 5 kilometres a day when she was 60. Today she's 97 and we
don't know where the hell she is!
Tampax have replaced the string on their tampons with a piece of
 tinsel.... They say it's only for the Christmas period.
A woman goes to her doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging out of
her pussy. Doc say's 'that looks nasty'. She say's 'Nasty?, it's
just the tip of the iceberg!
Two newly weds turn up at a hotel and ask for the honeymoon
suite, the receptionist asks 'do you have reservations?' The bride
answers 'Yes, I won't take it up the a*se'!