nowhereboy

Yes it was freezing! No luxuries such as heat in Newcastle based practice rooms Thanks for the feedback, this song is the only one like it out of our set list to be honest, obviously very dark and moody as Jay described. We have quite a diverse set list, some really soft tunes with a strong groove and then some more modern sounding almost biffy clyro style stuff, right up to punk (ish) songs. I'll mess around with the camera this Thursday at practice and post some other stuff on here. We have arranged to play in a much bigger studio this week so I'm hoping for better results. Might try sticking a separate mic next to the PA to pic up the vocals better so I can adjust the tracks separately. We really need to get a new EP done with our current line up, I know the main promoter for the O2 academy in Newcastle and we are looking to get gig's supporting some big name bands on the main stage this year with a bit of luck.

I'm really sorry to hear about your parents man. Yea my dad needs a new kidney, supposed to start dialysis within a month, it's crazy tho because he won't stop working, honestly at this point I think his game plan is to see it through to my sisters wedding, save as much money as possible and leave me as much in his will as he can. I'm looking at inheriting this house which is worth a substantial amount of money. It's horrible to think of things this way and I keep telling him to quit his job, sell the house and downgrade, free up a big chunk of money and spend the rest of his days in peace but I know he will never do it. He's a bit of a hero for that really. I don't think he has any intention of doing the dialysis but maybe that will change, the wait for a kidney is huge at the minute and he has other complications that might prevent the op anyway. I have offered to be a donor but he won't take mine (mine are probably in worse condition then his anyway given how I spent my 20's haha).

Thanks fella, I'll check them out, I always find it hard to explain what we sound like to people who haven't heard us, it's kinda hard to put it into a category.

Yea man, your posts always struck a chord with me to be honest because I've been having relationship issues for months and was reading them thinking this could be me very soon. I was actually hoping you would input into this thread so I'm grateful you did. The part about being sat back at square one is so true man, I'm 32 and have had to move back into my dads place for a while, he's unwell so I wanted to be back here anyway but it's hard. Back in the same bedroom I spent a few bad years with depression in. I've turned it into a proper little man cave this time tho as I couldn't bare to sit in the same room scenery as last time. Thankfully I do have a busy social life and a passion which is making music, the loneliness is real on a night time tho. I'm pleased that you're doing better, I can only imagine how hard things must have been for you at first. My family have been very supportive and I'm lucky to have that to fall back on.

Well for those following my other thread I think it's time to lighten the mood a little. Recently acquired a Zoom Q2n camera and what a great little bit of kit for fellow musicians on here. The fully HD camera is built into a x/y mic and can cope with very loud live recordings, miles apart from the likes of a go pro or standard HD camera. The following video is my first attempt at using it, I went as far as drinking a few beers and placing the camera on the top of my bass cab and pressing record, no messing around with amp placement or audio controls on the camera etc. The room we were practising in is also very small, not great for sound and it was very loud in their. I'm really impressed with the results, I'm sure I will get much better results in a bigger room with some time spent arranging amp/PA placement too. Going to use a separate mic for vocal recordings next week as the vocals are quite muddy but overall I think this is a great tool for musicians who want to record gigs etc on the cheap. Obviously it's not suitable for EP recording's etc but it's good for what it is. If you have a spare 5 minutes give it a listen, preferably with headphones or a decent speaker set up. Side note - first practice in months so we are a little rusty. Any feedback on the music, song etc also welcome, I appreciate it won't be to everyone's taste

Cheers fella. Out of curiosity (and I'm sorry for making this personal).... You mentioned all woman do these things when a relationship ends, do you think your own partner would be capable of that too? I have issues with trust and don't see a future trusting anyone with the knowledge that they will string me along when the going gets tough and wait until they find someone else? Or maybe a better way to look at it is that people will be trusting when all is well and it's important to address any problems or give up on the relationship before that point of no return comes. I'm just thinking out loud here, I've never cheated or left a woman for someone else and could never see myself doing that to a person I've gave all my love to, even if it had faded away.

I remember being broken when my last one ended . She was completely different to my recent ex tho and to be fair I knew she was a wild one from the start and it ended badly (she shagged some bloke at work in the toilets, the bloke was married with a kid on the way). My recent ex is/was a much more respectable person, a proper woman the family type, not some wild party animal. Also my first serious relationship (living together with plans of marriage etc). Christ I must be doing everyone's head in - someone get out the worlds smallest violin for me On a serious note I may go to the doctors, I do think I have some minor codependency issues that need addressing, either that or my ex has just completely turned this around on to me and made me think I'm the problem when I'm not. I doubt that tho, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

How does one even go about such a thing? NHS? Or would I have to pay for it?

Thanks mate. I've always been @*!# at break ups, I have a weird personality type, I'm confident, I think I'm a handsome dude , I have a little bit of an ego when it comes to music and what not as often play on stage in front of people but I also have some deep routed insecurities and I'm not even sure how or why. They don't seem to surface until I enter a relationship then they go mental within me. I always thought I managed them quite well in this relationship as I've saw the damage it can cause as I ruined my first relationship because of it. I always felt like I gave my recent ex plenty of space, never bothered her when she was out or at work etc but looking back I was quite needy when she was around me and I can see how this is unattractive. I'm a soft guy once in love but completely reckless when not. I think I need counselling

Thanks Jetpilot. Ive obviously came to terms with the fact that she will get with someone else. I was just hoping it would be months down the line when I no longer care as much.

God thats awfull dude. At the same time theres no going back from that so moving forward is the only option and it would be easier in a sense because all hope is gone.

I would never play games, period. I have always hopped things won't get nasty and tried to be as civil as possible throughout everything. It's a complete head twister. My first girlfriend left me and got with someone else straight away, me now ex knows about this and how it affected me and always swore she would never do something so cruel, she always said if she was ever very unhappy she would leave long before someone else was in the picture. We had many long conversations on trust etc, she's been hurt in the past too and always had very strong opinions of people who cheat and use shady behavior in a relationship and break up. The above is why I've stated I don't think there is someone else, you guys are stating to make me think I'm a complete idiot tho.

You guys are killing me man!! haha

Honestly dude you just made me feel sick No I would not be happy, furious actually. Maybe I'm naive but I just don't see that happening soon, shes looks after her son full time and wouldn't bring a new man anywhere near him for a good while after us, I know that for sure. She's not the one night stand type either, took her a while to feel comfortable will me etc. She was single for about 2 years before meeting me and didn't get with anyone since her ex. Obviously she will meet someone at some point but hopefully not within the next month while I'm still supporting her. Frankly I'd be devastated if I found out there was someone else already, it would go against everything I know about her.

I agreed to pay it up until she gets her first wage from her new job which will be at the end of next month. I know she doesn't have much money right now and I wanted to do my bit to help support her and her son through this even tho it was her choice to end things. I can afford it no problem and I know she can't right now, plus if she doesn't have the money she doesn't have it, not much I can do about that anyway. I'm feeling stronger today, keeping myself busy working out and spending time with the band.

Well it's now 12 days of no contact, I was hoping by this point I'd have given up hope and accepted things but I haven't. We still have to talk about money and I still have her key etc, I told her if I don't hear from her within a month I'll make contact to discuss these things. Not sure If I should just make contact now to get it out of the way, I feel like having this conversation pending is just keeping me in denial about things and stopping me from moving forward, I keep thinking maybe she will have missed me and ask for me to come back. Crazy I know.

I can't see her coming back. Prior to all this she was saying for best part of a year she doesn't think we are right for each other and that while we both love each other maybe we should just admit we don't work etc. I have never agreed with this, I just felt a little give and take was needed on both sides. I think she's tried to muster the strength to do this a few times now and this time she's just cut off all emotions and moved on, probably feeling relived that it's finally over. I'd like to think she misses me a little and is thinking of me but it doesn't change anything at the end of the day.

7 Days no contact and counting. This is rough guys, I'm struggling. Missed her like crazy the last couple of days Seems like the reality of it all is kicking in now, I'm constantly wondering how she's doing, is she fine? Is she happy? Does she miss me? (I know I need to focus on me now, easier said then done sometimes). Ruined my day yesterday by going through old messages and pictures of us, completely pointless thing to do and made me feel 10x worse. Just got the internet back in at my dads gaff so I plan on moving all my photos to a backup somewhere and deleting them off my phone. I haven't mentioned it on here yet but my Dad is also very unwell, he is at end stage kidney failure and needs to go on dialysis soon. I've been helping him tidy his house up and get things prepared for the dialysis machine that will be coming next month. I'm trying to stay strong for him but I'm struggling to keep my sh*t together.

Thanks lads. I think it's hard not to self blame in these situations but I know she wasn't treating me right in the end, I've been swore at, called names, locked out of the house etc. There was a few times when I stopped and thought what the hell am I doing letting someone talk to me like that. I would tell her she's upsetting me and she would outright say "I don't care, if you don't like it leave". I always blamed myself for her behavior getting to this point and kept feeling like if I can just do X Y Z to make her happy again she will start to treat me with love and respect, I would always end up inadvertently doing something that upset her and we'd go back to square one. I guess this is what happens when a relationship is dragged out past it's expiry date, I've spoke to many blokes who have been in the same situation. I've made mistakes in the relationship but there's no denying I loved her and tried to make her happy. Anyway, day two of no contact now and I'm getting by, I expected to be completely broken but I'm not. I'm not sure if the reality of it all just hasn't hit me yet or if maybe I'm already hardened because it's not the first time this has happened. Gonna wash the focus ST this weekend and get some stuff to sort out the room at my dads gaff that I'm currently living in. I've always wanted to open a practice/recording studio and that would have been impossible while I was with her, I've found a unit that seems perfect for it so I'm going to make a few calls about that this weekend and draft up a business plan. I'm lucky because my mam is being very supportive and is possibly going to give me the money to get it off the ground, so long as she's happy with the plan and believes it can work. Going to pursue this for the time being and try to let go of my thoughts for the ex. Regardless of everything I do still love her, care for her deeply and I wish her all the best, I know at some point we need to talk as I still have her house key and a loan in my name for her but I'm giving myself a full month of no contact to clear my head first. This forum has been really helpful and i really appreciate all the kind words

Thanks everyone. @TT350 It's been a confusing mess for ages, the last time we split I didn't hear from her for a couple weeks, she was serious enough to sell her car and downsize, took her keys back off me and moved all my stuff out her house, she told me then she didn't feel the same anymore etc. A week later I got a text out the blue saying everything was a mess, she was completely heartbroken and her son wouldn't stop crying etc. We ended up getting back together, I moved back in but her dad was in a bad accident at work and nearly died, she got depressed and lost her Job. I supported her through all of it, we had a great xmas, lush night out on new year and then out of the blue I got the "it's not working out" text (yes she ended it by text). The way she held me when I moved back in last time was like she never wanted to let me go but then within days she built her walls back up again and stopped letting me close to her. I like to think it's more complicated then she doesn't care anymore but maybe I'm in denial. I guess it's all irrelevant now anyway.

Anyway on a more positive note - @*!# loads of spare time for car shows this year

Quick update for those who are interested. We spoke last night and I could tell she couldn't really be bothered to talk, she also stated it's for the best if I stop seeing her son. So that's it folks, decision has been made for me anyway (as some of you predicted). She said she meant what she said about remaining friends but doesn't wish to be in contact with me every week etc and it's clear at this point she needs space as well as me. So I feel I've done all I can, I've told her I won't contact her, I've deleted her off all social media outlets and intend on trying to move forward with my life now. feeling a mixture of emotions today, almost relived in a sense that I can put this behind me but also feeling like I will miss her and her son very much. I think all the promises of forever and sweet moments remain in your head at a time like this and it's hard to swallow knowing that someone who would once go to the moon and back for you doesn't even want to talk.

Oh god dating websites! Honestly, I know this sounds awful but I'd rather be single than endure them. Likewise with tinder etc, it's absolutely full to the brim with narcissistic attention seekers who are miles away from relationship material. Don't get me wrong, there are obviously decent people out there online but from my experience they are few and far between. One of my mates met a lass on tinder and she was a complete horror show, don't get me wrong she was attractive but that's where her positives ended. I think I'd find it hard to respect a lass I met on an app like tinder etc, I'd much rather hold out for a real relationship built the proper way by meeting someone in real life.

Buy it Dan!!

Thanks Rabbit Stew, interesting story. I found my ex very hard to understand, she could be the softest most precious woman one minute and a bit of a raging lunatic the next (this could be said for many woman in general tbf ). It seems a woman with a child is naturally very defensive and I felt like I was constantly trying to prove to her I'm a decent, honest guy who wasn't there to hurt her. It's basically a complete minefield dating a woman with a young child, I'm just so frustrated that after years of getting to a point where everything ran smoothly she states she's lost feelings after all the tough times etc. I felt like we were finally getting to a point where we had found the balance between working, parenting, seeing each other and having a bit of personal time. Getting this balance right has been the cause of a lot of our issues. It hasn't all been bad and we've had some great times together, I do feel like she never really accepted that a step family will require a decent amount of work to get everything running smoothly and kind of expected me to move into the house and hit the ground running with no problems etc. I struggled a lot at first because it's VERY hard to go from being a single bloke with lots of friends/hobbies and no responsibility to basically married with children overnight. I had no time for myself at all and because in the early days my feelings for her son hadn't developed I was overwhelmed with everything. I've learnt a load from this relationship mind, realized that their is way more to life than boozing and going out on the drink with the lads every weekend. Problem is, now I'm all grown up and back on my own with not a lot to do. I don't want to go back to clubbing and living a young lads life anymore. This has made me realize I want and am ready a family. It's just a shame I wasn't quite there when I first met her.