I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to
arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?".
She said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk
about cleaning your carpets?". I thought
"That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".