Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 PMSL You guys are nuts !!! Yeah, I'm a 20 stone powerlifter, I do spend the odd hour in the gym, sadly the only Lycra I see is on large sweaty men which isn't very appealing I'm taking the kids and their Mum to Tenerife at the end of August which will be fun. I've been a silly boy and sent my girl a few emails today. I dunno when she will read them but I think I kind of begged her to come back. Couldn't help myself, I really love her. A guys gotta try !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 PMSLYou guys are nuts !!! Yeah, I'm a 20 stone powerlifter, I do spend the odd hour in the gym, sadly the only Lycra I see is on large sweaty men which isn't very appealing I'm taking the kids and their Mum to Tenerife at the end of August which will be fun. I've been a silly boy and sent my girl a few emails today. I dunno when she will read them but I think I kind of begged her to come back. Couldn't help myself, I really love her. A guys gotta try !!! Dont worry dude, just try and resist mate its gonna be hard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dont worry dude, just try and resist mate its gonna be hard It's just I'm sure we were right together and she has left for the wrong reason. I'm sure it can be sorted out. I just need her to know my feelings are genuine, in case there was any doubt in her mind. It was complicated with the kids and the distance etc but nothing that couldn't have been sorted out, I'm just not totally sure she knew I meant everything I said, if you know what I mean. I'm just making my position totally clear before it's too late and she slips away forever. You just never know ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dude you cant tell someone that they left for the wrong reasons lol, she left because she felt it was right by her, whats to say that if you and her get back she wont do it again, you will be forever worrying, your training will go down the pan, work will go down hill, your kids will see a stressed out dad who is under the emotional thumb, you will get suspicious everytime she is not with you, ahh its a horrible way to live dude, you dont need that crap in your life trust me. Right now, you feel like you cant function without her, she was everything to you, the more the day goes on the harder it gets, how many times you looked at your phone today?, how many times have you stopped yourself from calling her pleading her to come back?????!!!!!! DONT FOOL YOURSELF THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE IF SHE CAME BACK TODAY COS IT WONT DUDE !! Come on dude snap out of it you are better than that, she left for a reason, cos she doesnt know what she wants? If she did, she would be with you right now. Do you really want to live your life being in someone elses pocket cos thats what you are doing, she will have the upper hand emotionally everytime, cos you chased her. Its not wrong to cry, to be in pain or to wanna beg, its normal, the key however is to make sure she never ever sees you like this because this just adds to her having you on tenderhooks. If she calls dont answer, if you answer act cool, like everything is okay and you are getting on with your life. Let her know that you are secure with the situation and more importantly secure within yourself. Your pride is key, dont ever let her have the upperhand over your emotion, she is a dead weight you have to move, so let her know that she has been moved and you can move on, transform your physical strength into your mental strength.... Sorry got carried away, you dont have to listen to a silly 26year old for advice, but this is just what I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GC350z Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Really feel for you Dan. One question which you should ask yourself. What advice would you give a mate if they were in the same situation and you weren't? If it were me (again) I'd delete all contact numbers/email address. I know that's harsh and would be very difficult to do but if you were offering advice to a mate you'd be telling him to move on. BTW, a big to all the guys on here. Great advice that I wish people had given me in the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sinbad Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Dont worry dude, just try and resist mate its gonna be hard It's just I'm sure we were right together and she has left for the wrong reason. I'm sure it can be sorted out. I just need her to know my feelings are genuine, in case there was any doubt in her mind. It was complicated with the kids and the distance etc but nothing that couldn't have been sorted out, I'm just not totally sure she knew I meant everything I said, if you know what I mean. I'm just making my position totally clear before it's too late and she slips away forever. You just never know ! I can understand why you did it Dan, don't worry. You obviously did what you have thought was best. If it doesn't work out at least you tried and with the whole of your heart. Just ask yourself. Where you a careing? Sincere? Did you give the relationship your all, doing what you thought best? Was you honest? Thoughtfull? Sharing? Did you stick to your strong morals and did you do whats best over the time you spent with her? If all the answers are yes, then why did she leave? What more could you have done? If she struggled to tell you about seeing her ex because she knew you'd be hurt, don't you think she knows how you feel for her? Would you leave someone you loved with all your heart? I know you want to tell her how much you love her and what you'll do to get her back, (and fair do's if you do) but its not the way to win her back. She'll ONLY adore and love you for a friend that way. If it doesn't work out after your emails, i would listen to some of the advice Zedrush has given and try to move on. Being in her poket as Jay say's is not the way forward, it will just demoralize you and you DESERVE BETTER!! You tried your best and she's lost that now. I guess its hard for you right now but it is HER LOSS. You seem to have a whole lot of love to give and it deserves to be given to someone who will respect and care for you back. See what happens with the emails, and take it from their. But i wouldn't get your hopes up mate, i'm sure if she cared for you she would have thought long and hard about leaving you and wouldn't have got with her ex so soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebized Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Hi Dan: We have not met and I have met only a few of the guys and gals but what a great bunch they are, eh? Reading the very genuine sentiments of support has been a bit of a choker and brought back memories of a similar situation to yourself, 17 years back after the break up of my first marriage. I met June and like you, head over heels - she then found someone else - I was advised to move on - I did and avoided all contact - then when I started seeing someone else June came to wish me luck but as soon as we saw each other we knew what we had been missing and what we reallly wanted and in September will be celebrating 15 years of the best marriage a guy could want. (She must be special, encouraging me to get my second Z, when I know she would rather we just had her Jazz with a smaller engine! ) Moral is and as others have said; if you can break all contact but the feelings are genuine on both sides, not just yours, then who knows - you might find she realizes just what she is missing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAB Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Best thing I did to keep my mind of it was join a gym and go there work out and before you know it whether you wanted to or not, you will be going on a date with one of the gym birds. Great place to meet people to, go to a commercial one not a dodgy steroid one. All the women in lycra....hmmmm, sod it, Im going gym tonight lol Before you know it, you will be so into your new image and improving you and enjoying life you wont even remember your ex's name Actually something like that tis a damn good idea. Whether its a gym or just playing a new sport..... If you start getting fitter, then you feel better about yourself which gives you more confidence, which in turns means you are more content and more likely to meet someone else! That's exactly what I did and it workek sooo well for me. Go on get stuck in and enjoy the new buff you. The ladies def. will. Good idea Zedrush! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkW Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Just read the whole of this thread and its really good to see what an emotional support group this forum can be! Really feel for you Dan, like most people I have been there too and it is hard. There is some great advice on here already, all I would say is that if you really love her then let her know your feelings but keep your dignity and dont beg or give her the upper hand as Zedrush said. Once youve said all you can, If she doesnt change her mind, the you have to let it go, take the pain and move on. From what you have said I dont think keeping in touch is a good idea, as all it will do is make you think there is still a chance of reconcilliation , and she will feel less guilty about what she has done. Time is the best cure, but keeping busy with gym, holidays, friends etc will all help you feel better about yourself. I wish you the very best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Now most people would think id say something short and witty here, but im not going to. First off, she was with him for 6 weeks prior to telling you, sorry but if she loved you, she would not have been doing that in the first place. regardless of, she was confused, or didnt want to hurt you. She was just thinking of herself. I had an ex do the exact same to me a long time ago, we were together for 2 years and she left me to be with this vampire dude (dont ask). She told me she had been with him for 6 months but couldnt tell me. She lived in Blackpool and i live in London so the distance was an issue for her as she wanted someone close to her, but loved it when i was there, hence she could not tell me. She wanted to stay in contact too, however me being me, i couldnt do that. To not have contact is a good healer, you need to take the time away from something, to get your head around it and finally to heal the wounds it has left you. Thats what i did and now, we are friends again and ive been out with her and her current boyfriend many times. We all get on great and i dont even look back at what has happened. Granted it has taken 7 years to get to this, but its worth it. She is also pretty ugly now so it makes me thankful that we broke up otherwise i may still be with her. lol. However thats not my point here, we still get on great, which is what you want. Right for you, like Jay has said, go out and do something different, take your mind off her and you need to call her and say that you do NOT want contact with her for a while. It is not fair on you for her to keep that control over you and not fair on her boyfriend. Basically she is keeping you hanging on just in case things dont work as she knows you will go right back to her. I really feel for you dude as i know what you are going through, however please try to move on or you will be stuck in a rut for a very long time. On another note - Jay - next tuesday for training, lets go to the gym Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zedrush Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 She is also pretty ugly now so it makes me thankful that we broke up otherwise i may still be with her. lol. However thats not my point here, we still get on great, which is what you want. Dude Im buying you Shallow Hal, I just cracked up laughing you nutter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 She is also pretty ugly now so it makes me thankful that we broke up otherwise i may still be with her. lol. However thats not my point here, we still get on great, which is what you want. Dude Im buying you Shallow Hal, I just cracked up laughing you nutter Seen it and its true. However she was, i cant help saying that. Its horrible to say, but looks play a big part in attracting you to someone, if someone was not your type, you wouldnt go talk to them or get to know them, its fact of life. Its what first attracted me to Sarah, then i got to know her and now we are practically married, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Last update on this - so I can move on I cracked. I text'd her last night and we ended up texting till 2am. I begged, I pleaded, I declared my undying love. And she said she just didn't feel the same and couldn't be with me anymore. Even if things don't work out with her ex she won't be coming back to me. At least I know, I can stop hoping and move on. So I will. She was the one for me, but I wasn't the one for her, so no point harping on about it. I can't change, someone will love me as I am, one day. Thanks to you all for the support. Now pass me the fast forward controller Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Last update on this - so I can move on I cracked. I text's her last night and we ended up texting till 2am. I begged, I pleaded, I declared my undying love. And she said she just didn't feel the same and couldn't be with me anymore. Even if thhings don't work out with her ex she won't be coming back to me. At least I know, I can stop hoping and move on. So I will. Thanks to you all for the support. Now pass me the fast forward controller At least you know now mate and can get on with your life. I hope it all works out as it always does and you will find someone else dont worry, just dont go actively looking or you will not find anyone at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I won't be looking for a while, wounds to lick and all that. I need to get my confidence back as this has been quite a blow and I wasn't exactly over confident to begin with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trev-the-Rev Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 It must have been really gut-wrenching to hear her say that mate, but as Louis says, at least you now know where you stand and you can move on. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sl114 Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I won't be looking for a while, wounds to lick and all that. I need to get my confidence back as this has been quite a blow and I wasn't exactly over confident to begin with.Of cause mate, thats the best thing to do, give it time and when it happens again, it happens. It took me 6 months after i split with my ex and Sarah came along. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, my point is, there is still hope as i was distraught after i left my ex, especially since we were meant to be getting married next month and already had a little one together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 i was distraught after i left my ex, especially since we were meant to be getting married next month and already had a little one together. Wow, thats gotta be worse than what I'm going through ! I'm glad things worked out for you mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Stay strong Dan, most of us have been there at some time or other. You feel as if you will never get over it but the truth is, you do! Some time soon you will look back and wonder why you were so upset because you will be with someone else who is right for you and not someone that cheated on you, because although you have been very generous in your words, that is what she is, a cheat. You deserve better and you'll get there in the end, we all do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackal Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 I don't post too often but have to say that I am very impressed at the advice and the way everyone has responded. Top people We've all been there Dan and good luck. A few beers and the texts will flow again so the best thing you can do now is to delete all numbers and email address and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 I'm such a chuffing idiot ! After she said she wasn't going to come back to me we decided to stay friends, so I just called her for a chat. She said hello, I said hello, she hung up. I tried to call again and got answerphone. Then I got a text saying "I'm with Martyn". OUCH !!! What a nutter I am for ringing. Why did I do that ??? Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nixy Posted July 24, 2007 Share Posted July 24, 2007 Stay away Dan, she's messing you both about. If she's with him, she shouldn't be texting you. You could never trust her again. I haven't stayed friends with any exes it doesn't work. Let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 It just seems such a waste after spending a wonderful year together, sharing so much love and happy memories, to not even be friends seems so silly. I think I'll try my best to be her pal but it's going to take both of us to want that to make it work. I really want to keep an eye on her and make sure she is ok. I can't stop caring about her, I can't just switch my feelings off after all this time. At least if we stay good friends it wasn't a complete waste of time. Once I accept that she is never coming back, and I have accepted that, I don't see why the friendship won't work. Sure I'll be upset now and then knowing she is with him, but it's gotta be better than never talking to her again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 Stay away Dan, she's messing you both about. If she's with him, she shouldn't be texting you. You could never trust her again. I haven't stayed friends with any exes it doesn't work. Let it go. I know thats how it looks Nixy but she isn't like that at all. She is very loving and I know it must have been really hard for her to end it with me because she knew I would be devastated. She wasn't cheating, she was just struggling to tell me and didn't want me hurt. Honestly, she isn't a bad person at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 On the bright side I feel much MUCH better today. Her telling me she is never coming back has really helped a lot somehow. I'm no longer sat here hoping for that day to come and I think I have actually started to look forward instead of back. Strange, but true ! Thanks for all the support and PMs guys. Anyone for a group hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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