A TALE OF...........................

[Cragus]

bravery, friendship, trust and sausage rolls.

 

Cragus groggily woke to the sound his mobile phone's alarm. It was the 'Harp' sounding alarm on the Iphone4 and while at first he thought it was one of the more pleasent tones to be woken to, by now it was truly pi$$ing him off. The stale smell of Pot Noodle and Cheese and Onion crisps lingered in the air from days prior. Cragus had been bed ridden for three days running now and he was really starting to let things slip. Unshaven hair sprouted messily from his face and his muscles ached from the lack of movement.

 

Cragus was a school teacher who had been forced against his will to stay away from his place of work due to freak snowfall. This bothered Cragus greatly, he was the kind of teacher that thrived on his commitment to the teaching and learning of those left in his care. He unsteadily lifted his laptop and switched it on - the glare from the screen made him squint his eyes. No more than 5 minutes after turning it on, the messages came flooding in. 'SCHOOLS CLOSED - WE WILL REVIEW THE SITUATION TOMORROW MORNING'.

 

'Noooooooooooooo' was the sound that echoed through his head. He threw himself to the floor and crawled weakly down to the kitchen - what! No Pot Noodles, no bread, no cheese and onion crisps? It gets worse, no crisps at all. This was serious; these cupboards could put Old Mother Hubbard to shame! Cragus retreated to the bathroom – he shaved, washed and got dressed – he looked nearly human again. His closest food chain was a Greggs – it wasn’t his first choice but he knew it was his only hope.

 

Going outside with his broom, he frantically attacked the snow that buried his shed while the engine’s fan belt screamed like a sissy girl. After a 25 minute fight, the car was clear of snow, the same could be not said for snow surrounding the car.

 

 

Jumping in the car, he put it in reverse and inched back ever so slighty before the grip gave up. He wasn’t fecking about anymore! In true ‘Dukes of Hazard’ style, he horsed it over the mountain of snow barricading him in the side of the street. Onlookers who were shovelling snow from their cars in surrounding houses looked on in amazement. One neighbour even saluted as the shed gallantly chugged by. Cragus’ Iphone 4 went off – he stopped the car. It was a message from his close friend.

 

Cragus, read the message and realised its urgency almost right away. He set off again in a hurry, putting the shed through its paces at a steady five miles per hour. His friend had indicated that he had heard from underground sources that Farmfoods had a fresh delivery of ‘Figgy Rolls’ and ‘Kwenchy Cups’. Fortunately there was a Farmfoods two doors up from Greggs. When he arrived he burst through the doors of the upmarket food retailer that is Farmfoods.

 

The Figgy Rolls and Kwenchy Cups were all gone but in true heroic fashion, he managed to wrestle a pack of Kwenchy Cups off a small girl who was heading towards the till. He paid the pricely sum of a pound then rushed to the bakers before the small girl’s dad found out. There was no queue – he hadn’t anticipated this! He only wanted 2 steak bakes but when the lady asked Cragus what he wanted he instead blurted out “2 steak bakes and 8 sausage rolls please.â€

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Neilp]

hahahahahaha ROFL thats top notch man, u should have called and i could have joined as a support vehicle, im guessing you went to carfin

[sparky370z]

hahahahaha class!!

[Cragus]

hahahahahaha ROFL thats top notch man, u should have called and i could have joined as a support vehicle, im guessing you went to carfin

 

Carfin it was mate! You were first in my emergency contacts.

[Neilp]

hahaha i took an hour to get out my street there, total disaster. the volvo xc90 was struggling aswell in the snow. my vans awful because its so deep

ps save me a quenchy cup

[Cragus]

hahaha i took an hour to get out my street there, total disaster. the volvo xc90 was struggling aswell in the snow. my vans awful because its so deep

ps save me a quenchy cup

 

Raspberry or Orange?

[Neilp]

hahaha i took an hour to get out my street there, total disaster. the volvo xc90 was struggling aswell in the snow. my vans awful because its so deep

ps save me a quenchy cup

 

Raspberry or Orange?

rasperry

[LRF4N]

"he wasn't fecking about anymore!"

[glrnet]

Loook out Milltek boys, seems there's another Man Love Club across the border, holy sheeeeet

[Cragus]

Man love rules supreme glrnet. You just want it on it - admit it!

[Vik54]

Craig !!! You realise the sh*te that's in those kwenchy cups?

I hope you've put them in the freezer so you can enjoy them at their best

[Husky]

first class mate this is what happens with too much time on your hands!

 

and im with you on the sausage rolls! i usually get teh last one off the tesco hot plate at lunch, if there is more than one i cant help myself but take them all!