I have now decided my winner is a 1993 VW Polo Genesis Couple.
Vile steering, suspension made from concrete, seats that I could never get comfortable in, sounded like a broken sewing machine and had a gearbox as rubbery as a Malaysian forest.
Then it injured me.
While I was at an event, testing a tarmac rally car, my mother in law endeavoured to move the Polo off my driveway (she normally drove an automatic). Somehow she managed to reverse at high speed and embed the Polo into the side of my house. I was called back to try and sort it out. In the process of trying to extricate the remains I suffered a prolapsed disc and was off work for 6 weeks.
That car was a pig.