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marriage and money - how do you do it


SteveM

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several times I had to ask for additional money for little unexpected things. I never told him but I absolutely hated it, it was one of the most degrading things I've ever had to do....to ask for money for food or baby clothes and feel I have to justify everything I've spent. With our second child, I went back to work as soon as my money stopped. I never want to feel that vulnerable and reliant on someone ever again!

 

this is the situation i cannot understand a married couple getting into and a joint account and finances would stop. at the end of the day you are a couple, a team, especially where children are involved... i guess i understand it a little more where kids are not involved and both earn similar amounts but from what i have witnessed with friends and relatives all that happens is one can afford to buy nice things leaving the other having to scrimp and save to get by.... i couldnt let that happen and would feel horribly guilty if i thought my wife didnt have enough to do what she wanted or get something she wanted / needed and i am pretty sure she feels the same way

 

hey im not trying to change anyones money situation at home... if it works for you stick with it i was just interested as it seems (and has been confirmed) that people do things in many different ways

 

its been interesting :thumbs:

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Just a further thought from me about 'vulnerability' if one partner becomes dependent on the other in some way or other. To my way of looking at it, in a good relationship, no-one should feel vulnerable because they should know that they have the unconditional love and support of the other. Being able to trust one's partner is hugely important to me and I would not want to be in a relationship without trust, preferring to be on my own than being with someone selfish who really only looked out for themselves.

 

The way I look at the situation is this - what if one of you got ill and wasn't able to work, either temporarily or permanently? Would the other partner just say, "Well my money is my own so I'm not supporting you"? Surely not? Illness, unlike motherhood, can happen to either sex and if we are in good, solid, loving relationships we should be able to rely on the love and support of our partners, whether they be male or female.

 

Sermon over :blush:

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I agree with two bears! And let's not forget that a difference in income does not necessarily mean a difference in the amount of work put in. Me and my ex both worked full time and I earned less but I also did all of the housework and gardening because he was a lazy sod. He seemed to think he was the provider because he earned more but I worked more! It's an interesting debate which is more to do with relationships than money. I now earn more than my current boyfriend but he would give me his last penny if I needed it and that's what counts to me!

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Whoa....so wishing I hadn't said anything now but feel I need to defend a little. OK, this is nothing to do with hubby......this is purely the way I felt asking for money. Other people are clearly more comfortable with this kind of situation, or at least they are when it's the man supporting the woman. Not sure how easy it would be if the situation was reversed? Yes, I am independent and no, I don't like relying on other people for money...in the same way I wouldn't like taking unemployment benefit, etc. So clearly I would be terribly miserable if I were to meet a billionaire who swept me off my feet and wanted me to be a kept woman lol. Probably a relief to OH....but it's just the way I feel. However, some of the comments on here are a bit old-fashioned.....seriously!

In terms of working mothers & childcare...don't want to go off on one, so I'll just say this. My mother didn't work and 'looked after me'....we have a terrible relationship, I was incredibly shy as a child and I grew up with no real role model or idea of what the world could be. My children are incredibly sociable, well developed and happy characters. I've never missed any of my children's important milestones. Sometimes quality time is more important...and they are both crazy about fast cars :)

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I have to nag for money :lol:

 

I hate it too but my Mrs is shocking at organising her finances, but that's just her. Obviously it could be the other way around so it's not a 'all women' are bad with finances dig.

 

Katz you shouldnt feel bad if you're sorting the finances, just view it as your role as financial controller for the relationship.

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