Liam's Z Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 > > > > This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner > submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells. > They hired him because he was so funny..... > > > > NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) > > SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who > will cooperate) > > DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But > seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I > wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? > > DESIRED SALARY: £150,,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style > redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. > > > EDUCATION: Yes. > > LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. > > PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. > > MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and > post-it notes. > > REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. > > HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. > > PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. > > DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more > intimate environment. > > MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? > > DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP > TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? > > DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do > you have a car that runs?" > > HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a > winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. > > > DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! > On my breaks - yes! > > WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a > fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the > greatest thing since sliced bread. > Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. > > NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles > > > DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR > > > KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. Quote
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