An Aussie ventriloquist visits NZ

[Zummertor]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.

 

 

 

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Kiwi

 

 

 

'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'

 

 

 

Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie.'

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'

 

 

 

Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'

 

 

 

Kiwi: (look of extreme shock)

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)

 

 

 

Dog: 'Yep'

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

 

 

 

Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'

 

 

 

Kiwi: (look of utter disbelief)

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

 

 

 

Kiwi: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

 

 

 

Horse: 'Cool'

 

 

 

Kiwi: (absolutely dumbfounded)

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)

 

 

 

Horse: 'Yep'

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

 

 

 

Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.'

 

 

 

Kiwi: (total look of amazement)

 

 

 

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

 

 

 

Kiwi: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f*****' liar......'

[Trev-the-Rev]

[lomoto]

would work well in Wales

[Lexx]

And most of the Scotish Islands

[Ian]

:lol:

[Jay]

And most of the Scotish Islands

 

Oh your getting a slap when i see you lexx

[jim]

 

On the same theme, here's one for Stew -

 

What do you call a sheep tied to a lamp post in Aberdeen?

 

 

A leisure centre!

[Lexx]

And most of the Scotish Islands

 

Oh your getting a slap when i see you lexx

 

Lived in Glasgow for 4 years mate, Im allowed to judge!

[Jay]

hahaha thats fair play then! So how come u moved lol its a great place

[Lexx]

I was at the Nautical college there when I was training.

Nearly moved there for good, but split with the girl I was seeing there.

[Jay]

Ah fair play mate! I am at strathyclyde uni so i kno exactly where u where lol! Not a bad union either

[Lexx]

Christ, I lived in Strathy Union!

I may as well have made a direct bank transfer from my bank account into the Barony tills!

[Jay]

hahahaha i kno how u feel! but a few of my m8s work behind bar so get a few cheeky shots and big measures from time to time (every tuesday and thurs)hahaha

[Lexx]

have Thursdays got busy again?

When I was cadet (99-03) Thursdays where always mobbed!

But in 06 when I was back in Glasgow for 6 months doing my Mates/masters the place was empty on a Thursday.

[Jay]

Yup back to being pretty busy again! But tuesday nights are normally the way to go! Few drinks in the union then onto a nightclub called Kushion really nice place and all drinks are a quid lol! AND they sell red stripe

[Lexx]

Yeah, I like Kushion.

though we used to go to Bunker.

 

Im out in Merchant City on Friday night, and Ashton Lane on Sat, and then Glasgow meet hungover on Sun!

[Jay]

HAHAHAH sounds like a plan! Am in kush on fri! If ur kickin about merchant city new night club called siglo the tottie is unbelieveable!

[Lexx]

Sounds like a plan!

[bronzee]

Now look here Zumm, just coz we have many millions more sheep in NZ, than we do people.

[elniniol999]

And most of the Scotish Islands

 

Oh your getting a slap when i see you lexx

 

why? hes bloody right! lol and you know it jay!

 

is it not ramalamb season just now?

[Jay]

I dnt kno lol ask some one from aberdeen or wales