Zummertor

Maybe not what you had in mind

Thema ?

Big First RWD, you are going to have some fun, perhaps when you didn't think you were too. Enjoy this forum the other "peeps" on here know what they are talking about !

ooohh dangerous one but a cracker

well putt

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side . . . You know what?" "What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck, f $#* off."

Old ones not always the best ones - oh so true However it does present a problem for posting in general and jokes in particular For example I have access to an accumulated 50,000 + jokes and funny clips not including links to youtube, twango etc., now if we assume we all do because we use the internet and will having been emailing friends / colleagues for sometime then posting a new joke or comment it is going to be hard, especially when you collect them as a group. What more can be said about Tyres for 350Z ? (oh how little I know and may live to regret that one ) Obviously various jokes follow themes and repeats, take for example a joke I came across last year about a white Englishman, a black African and an even whiter Welshman (it being more cloudy there) in a maternity unit all waiting news, this joke of course is heading down to a dangerous area, not only is someone going to be insulted but someone is about to have children, but what is the twist in the joke ? It then needs to be combined with the "good news" "bad news" tactic. "Good news says the midwife/nurse person, all the babies are born healthy and the mums are doing great, but we have bad news we need your help, there has been a mix-up with the babies and we need you to identify whose is each of yours" Now do I post what happens or is it too old ? am I too old ? Will someone already have heard it, seen it or had communication about it in some other form? Does anyone care ? Obviously you can substitute many different nationalities but probably not Norwegian, Swedish and Finnish all together. I'll take a risk. The Englishman rushes into the ward and promptly and proudly stands next to the black baby declaring "this is my child, no doubt about it". The black African is obviously confused and says to the English guy "what are you doing?" , he gets the response in a whisper "hey, listen one of those 2 white babies is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances". IMO - this is all said with good intentions with no offence intended old or otherwise, and further more IMO - it is humour, maybe not good and maybe old but I don't think it is mentioned in this Forum however I have to confess I've not checked any other members joke libraries or memories. So in continued good humour and the words or another old joke "Tray up"

True enough, plus I have sat nav on phones anyway, but having had a car one before I quite liked it. Time to think about options.

Was going to leave the next one until tomorrow, rationing and as is already pointed out a lot of these are old, but as I couldn't find them I thought I'd share them. Anyway ... A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds. The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before. The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently. The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times,wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?" "I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?" The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."

What language would that be in then ? Quick serious comment (for a change), not yet paid for Christmas otherwise might be interested in the rest of it to go with the instruction manual just to fill the cubby hole. Guess I'll get a few other suggestions now

£ 51 and 50 pence then

tough negotiator !

errrr £51 ?

Had this on the Audi 2 months ago, found a nail right on edge of sidewall/tread after some hunting around. Only time before that was a much cheaper fix as the valve had failed, a new one for me. May be only answer is to keep it hot

Just did 240 miles today and stopped to get some of that recommended Meguiars metal cleaner on the way home. A little job of the weekend to add to the long list of house DIY ones. Let's see what it does when I get some "free" time.

Nope you are right UK car so has the beep that changes as you get nearer to that very annoying screamy sound when you are still a good 8" away, enough room for a bit more moving

Maybe a bit of dumb question but would he have to pay fees to PayPal as well ? Kind of shame I bought mine the other month, but that is the way it goes, still happy mine was under £16k for < 9,000 miles.

Been looking around and quite like the look of that one, very tempted, need to finish beer first before I commit.

True, it is sick. Getting the level of jokes you can tell in this forum gradually. Lots of offended Zed's around, good job mine's GunMetal.

A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom. She said, "Yes". When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so, he used his hand. When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?" The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away." He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?" The little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." The principal got mad and yelled, "Open your hands NOW!" He did and the little boy said, "Oh great , now look what you did, you scared the @*!# out of him!"

Great pics All came together brilliantly, liked the first posted best. Makes we want to go out and start another round of cleaning despite the rain and it being dark. Inspiring !

If they can find a way and I can afford their coffee / beer bill those wil lbe the first words we use !

Sorry missed that post. Doesn't sound easy, time to talk to some techies in work assuming I can find the thing for them. Not in the motortrade but they know lots about software in small hardware (if that makes sense).

Couldn't find this in my searches. Just wondering if I can change the beep sounds on reverse to something else and change the volume ? A couple of guys in work change the voice instructions on their phone sat navs to people like Ozzy Osbourne and other distinctive voices / words. Was wondering what could be done to reversing sound ? No specific ideas yet, but if it coul dbe done bet a few of you would suggest some things