PKAT

I've been told that I'm efficient, but never biological!! lol

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day: When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Bobby was towelling himself down when Jemima entered the bathroom "There's a woman at the door asking if Bobby is here because she thinks S'wellin shot JR. I've told her you'll be out in a minute?" Jemima took the opportunity to gaze at Bobby "Nice tats" she grinned, exiting the bathroom as Bobby blushed "Look. Will someone tell me WHAT is going on?" Cyril flushed, angry that his attempts to exhort some truth were being misled. There was another knock at the door and Joey T took the opportunity to answer it, returning with Santa Claus and a rather fit young blond. Jemima looked at the assembled throng and decided it was time to put the kettle on.

" No I don't want to go to the panto Jem" moaned Cyril, obviously feeling as though everyone knew something that he didn't "I would like an explanation please Joey " and Cyril sat down in the chair looking as mean as he could, which is difficult to achieve with your flies partially undone "Look mate" started Joey T " You've got it all wrong, and do pull your self together?" he ended, pointing at Cyril's nether regions. "eh? wah? oh!" said Cyril, hastily correcting himself. This successfully diffused the situation, and before Cyril could gather his thoughts to start again with his round of questioning, the chimney coughed soot again. A huge plume sallied forth, all over Cyril and the chair that he was sitting in. They heard coughing as the dust settled...

Has anyone met her yet? Are you talking about moi??

"Crinkle crisps " he exclaimed. "They are baked" cooed Jemima as she wiped the traces of extra hot salsa from the sides of her mouth."Want one?" She asked, pushing the tube towards Joey T Joey T thought better of it, as one of Jemima's acrylic nails seemed to be missing and this was not the time to discover it. It brought back memories of the time when he shared a champagne bath with his previous girlfriend, and upon putting the champagne back into the bottles after they'd finished (tight git), realised there was still half a pint in the bath...

Cyril certainly didn't share that view, and although the first thought that came into his head was to Christmas he changed his mind when he realised that there was something stuck up the chimney!!

well the ones on the left I do the hoovering in, and the ones on the right I watch telly with..

ok folks, sharpen those pencils. Rules are...read the post above, add your line without quoting, so a casual observer will marvel at the true nature of our intellect, as they enjoy a cracking good read. There is no plot Nothing rude please. I don't want to get blocked! Here we go... Jemima and Cyril sat by the fire. 'twas the night before Christmas and the fire had gone out. There was no firewood ready and their Great Aunt - who they were staying with, had forgotten to order enough. It was bad enough having a manky old chicken to eat for Christmas let alone no presents, and now no fire! Jemima was cold. "Why us Cyril?" she moaned, standing up to kick the fireplace "it's not been the same since Dad remarried. Why do we have to be here? Why can't we go back home!" "You know why very well" whispered Cyril, looking down at his feet as he sat by the edge of the grate "SHE doesn't want us there and Daddy can't see it. I wish Mummy was still alive" and with that a huge bloom of ash and smoke fell from the chimney, all over Cyril!!

I would recommend the following: 1. dig a pit near your beloved veehicuule.. fairly deep mind. 2. Get some sticks, sharpen them, then in true south American rainforest style, smear them with something 'orrible. 3. Insert said sticks bad end up. 4. Cover top of hole with twigs and leaves, arrange your beloved so that the replacement caps are too much temptation. 5. Set up a remote camera and send us the results!!

I just went online to opieoils (got club discount) and got some 5/40 Silkolene PRO S 5W-40 Ester Synthetic Oil For High Performance Engines -5 Litres SKU: SILPROS5W40-5 they delivered it, was all very quick!!

oh.. I thought it was because there was a reason why, not just B..H..

this is what I want please!! http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/60586

Why not??

I love this one though!!!

CUTE!!! I want one....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFh-rX_Sfhs&feature=related Hope you have a good one!!

Designer gear in those days - likewise the cowboy boots You could have warned us!! Some of us ladies have delicate constitutions...

White plimsolls!!!

Is it a leaf? Hope so!! will find out soon enough... I'm not sure what diet she is on, but the one I'm on allows me to have one meal a day, by the rest is suck through a straw stuff! All I need now is to forget a few more things and I'm in full dementia mode! Apparently I should lose quite a lot (already lost £150) so I will stick to it and just dream about the jam doughnut that I will enjoy..

Unfortunately I have to reply to you all in one go rather than individually, otherwise I get blocked for spamming. Bizarre I know. I'm still here, had some more fun with PKAT and now wondering what is worse, the sound of something in the fan on my air conditioning, or the fact that the noise has mysteriously vanished... Also on a horrendous diet so desperate for something to bite!!

get well soon. Don't envy you the err..examinations that they do for suspected appendicitis!!

me in a traffic jam

you want Husky's nose to be a bit red sore and damp?? ok... "Another one ready for the funny farm!!!"

cruel, unfeeling meanie!! lol