Emperor Ming

When I was looking to buy 2 1/2 years ago i went to a local Nissan dealership and their saleman told me that the UK cars were different underneath and that the Japanese cars were therfor less stable at high speed. He must have heard me laughing a good couple of miles away. The things these people will say and do to try and get a sale and this was an authorised Nissan dealership!! The chances of me letting someone like this service my car are ZERO!! I wouldn't evwn let him wash it! Ming the Mad

http://www.wimp.com/sickdrive/ Just enjoy

For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly. Attached are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference. MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES Name _____________________________ Nickname__________________________ Gang Name________________________ 1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold? 2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit? 3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need? 4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his money? 5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ? 6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets whacked? MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS Name___________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________ (If longer please continue on a separate sheet) School _______________________________________________ Daddy's/Mummy's Company ____________________________ 1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now? 2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what? 3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds? 4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost? 5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will he stand for parliament?

A simple check first. Tyre pressures and wear. My steering used to do exactly this but new front tyres and EQUAL pressure cured it!! Just a thought! Ming the helpful.

Hi mate Nope. My car is an import and its the radio that came with it. Miraculously it seems to be working again at the moment but there is obviously a fault somewhere. Ming the Confused

As a piece of Karate history the Japanese considered anyone that had surrendered to no longer be human and as such used many Chinese prisoners of war as 'practice' to perfect many of their karate techniques. Striking them and then measuring the effectiveness of the strike. When we learn the bunkai of each technique (the actual application) it sobers me up to realise that probably some poor soul was 'used' to perfect it. Ming the considered

How much could I have if I was allowed to eh!! What I would give for half an hours practice with them as my stooges!! Ming the Thought Provoked

That made me chuckle. You should have seen the poor bloke!! Ming the relieved

quote on a yamaha tdm 900 pulling willies and changing gears unquote. If you were pulling willies no wonder you fell off. Since it said willies I assume your and one other!! You need at least ONE hand on the handlebars mate. THATS why you fell off!! Sorry its a hijack but couldn't resist it!! Ming the guilty

Hi guys I have a standard factory fitted double din radio fitted that has picked up a strange and annoying trait. When I turn it on it finds the channel that I last left it on - or at least that is what the display says - but all I get is hiss as if it is off channel. Sometimes it rectifies itself and other times I have to tell it to select another channel, sometimes more than once, before it works. Once it has sorted itself it can be used normally until I turn it off! Is the radio goosed? If so can it be fixed? If not does anyone have a standard radio that they would be willing to part with to rectify the problem.? Any ideas welcome! Ming the confused

Hi guys Not posted much recently for various reasons but training being one of them. I stood on the line again today and was fine until the sparring stage. I got nervous for a fight or two but got into my stride and acquitted myself well. I am now officially a Nidan (2nd Dan) It has been a long 6 months and keeping the training standard high and the fitness level up has been hard work BUT it paid off. As a little update on the guy that got kicked last time. He had, in no specific order, two broken cheek bones (plated) a fractured eye socket, a broken nose and the top part of his jaw at the front that hold you top front four teeth had to be wired back into place. I am pleased to say he has made a full recovery and is actually back training. Ming the tired

86!! Considering I have never smoked dont do drugs and don't drink I am disappointed. LOL Looking at the above it will seem like 95 though!! Ming the Alive

PS Coasting is damn dangerous in my opinion. Poor control and no acceleration if needed. The time it takes to engage gear could be vital in my humble opinion. If 30, 27, 23 or 20 mpg matters why buy a Zed???? If you want 40+ mpg and some grunt buy a diesel BMW or a C300 (My next car I think!) Ming the Considered

Thought I'd read somewhere that coasting in neutral was not such a good idea as you were still using petrol, where as if you left it in gear, granted it would have to be a high one to coast, the engine shut off the petrol or something like that?..... Clarkson said if you depress the clutch and coast then modern cars don't use any fuel. Not sure if he was referring to the Z or just some frugal BMW 1 series where the car runs off the smugness of the toad sucking vegetarian driving it. Jay, I drive like a knob and get 24mpg. Changing your driving style is prob easier than getting a gay BMW If its ticking over surely its got to be using fuel. They di ont tick over on fresh air yet do they. If you were in gear and going down a hill then in theory the fuel could cut off and the cars weight could turn the engine. This would allow for the fuel to cut back in as soon as the accelerator is pushed down but if there is no drive I cant see how it could work as the engine would just stop. I am sure someone is now going to blind me with science and make me look daft but ho hum. Ming the thoughtful

Been all over mate upsetting my clientelle and generally have a giggle. Gonna post up my latest little adventure later on as its such a laugh. Cheers mate Ming the Rushed

If this man EVER tries to buy an aerosol, spanner, screw driver or paint brush SHOOT HIM for offences against automobiles. Ming the Gobsmacked

Could be as a simple as a dodgy battery mate. worth a check before you spend big bucks. Just a thought. Ming the Considered

Agreed I have had the Zed almost 2 years and loved it BUT I am always looking for my next car. MPG, Tax, Cost etc do not really come into the equation. If I like it, can afford it and Mrs Ming gives it the thumbs up (LOL) then I get it!! Ming the Considered. PS Bollox to the government I will drive what I WANT!!

Hi dan I did exactly that. In the cycle2work scheme YOUR employer buys the bike and you buy it from them. Halfords relinquish the bike the second you ride it out of the shop. I pay 13 equal payments and it is mine. The last one covers the admin etc. The cost still works out almost 50% off. the actual amount depends on your earnings and the more you earn the more you get off strangely enough. Its a tax thing. As soon as I have paid for this cycle I will be getting another one for off road use. Carbon forks I would agree with but much more is of little use to a normal rider other than for bragging rights. I also agree that the auxiliaries make the bike as much of not more than the bike itself.. Good luck with your hunt Dan. Ming the daily rider

Dependant on how many miles you do lots of carbon fibre is really of dubious benefit and great cost. A full carbon bike might be a whole pound lighter than a much cheaper equivalent and then you get a bag of tools, a bum bag with bits in it and have a bottle of water somewhere and any possible saving are written off!! I had a hybrid for a year and moved onto a Boardman Comp that had carbon forks and some extra's (£600) http://washford.scene7.com/is/image/Was ... 898?$prod$ I bought it through the http://www.cycle2work.info/ scheme. Our work signed up to it and you get it interest free, with tax deductions and it cost just over half price All businesses can sign up to the scheme and they get tax benefits as well!!!! (win win as I see it.) Its not ony Halfords that do the Scheme its just that thats the noe my firm uses. The Boardman by the way is a great bike and i use it almost daily for the 10 mile round trip to work and back. If you need more info PM me Ming the Cyclist

Easy mate Work Vegas London Work. Three weeks gobbled up. Hijack completed LOL Ming the Muddled

Hi mate Well done. Glad you got one in the end. You will not be disappointed, certainly not with a new one!! Stick around the 'other' site as well though for laughs. As founder member you should be on there free for ever I reckon. They are a friendly bunch on here even if they do hijack threads right left and centre. LOL. Your mate Ming

Do you know another Zed owner nearby? If so swop all wheels from one car to the other and try it. It will take more time to swop the wheels that it will to test it but at least you will KNOW whether the wheel tyre combination is to blame. Ming the considered PS Nasty cut in front tyre + brick or other object in road = blown tyre and CRASH Take it steady dude. Ming the Worried

The reason I said I was cautious about 'knocking it out of gear' at the speeds mentioned is that the gearing and drive of a car gives an element of control to the car. If it is shaking and you knock it out of gear the problem COULD get worse. With no gearbox to drive through or out of the problem it COULD be dangerous. Until we knew it was automatic dipping the clutch for a few seconds seemed a much safer idea. I agree with you thoughts on the wishbone with one rider. I had a very similar problem albeit at a lower speed with a proton I had. It would come up at certain points of acceleration but got worse under breaking Previously it was described as having a small split but if the guy who balanced your tyres said its got a 'NASTY SPLIT' in one of the tyres then it has hit either a rock or a kerb and as such the tyre/wheel is almost certainly the problem. Let us know the outcome. Ming the interested

Take it to a garage and get the drop links and wish bones checked. The bushes may LOOK fine and you will not be able to move them by hand (If you can they really are fubar'ed) but any decent mechanic will tell if they are worn, shot etc. This can and will cause the problem you describe. Check the wheels to make sure the balance weights they put on are STILL THERE. The sticky ones easily fly off and the wheels will then be miles out again!! Mrs Ming had the same problem with her Celica and it was a damaged tyre - on the back. If you do not feel it through the steering wheel it is not the front wheels. If you have the same size front and rear just swop them round and see if it feels any different. I would strongly advise AGAINST taking the vehicle out of gear at the speeds you are talking!! If you need to check it then just dip the clutch for a VERY brief period to see if things change. Good luck and let us know what sorts it out! Ming the every so slightly concerned