Zummertor

Thought I'd take the quality of jokes up market a bit and introduce some masters as we've introduced the concepts of paint with the "paint can" and the art gallery. A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas. to make the Van Gogh" Do you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I posted it because I figured I had nothing Toulouse

For that money my guess would be any UK one would be hard worn already, so would lean towards import, plenty of happy people with theirs on here. There does seem to be a much bigger range of specs on import to be aware of so I guess the Search button becomes your friend. Enjoy the forum

And we all know Nixy is right and go on do it, you know you want to.

I rang round all Somerset and North Somerset dealers only a month ago re. P1 and prices varied £189-191, your local Howards was £190. Except Bath of course which was 220ish. I've not yet hunted out independents in that area though. Might be worth ringing Specialist Cars of Somerset they don't service but do sell a few Zeds from time to time so may know of a reliable independent.

yikes , not sure I'd trust clingfilm for that price

Someone going on a bit and on a bit more ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBKVOqRcX4M At no point in this video is a cute chick harmed !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU You've got to be buying a toy something, surely !

A couple attending an art exhibition at the national gallery were staring at a portrait which had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black pe[darn shouldn't type this, aha I know] parts and one was pink. The curator of the gallery realised that the couple were confused and were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assistance. He went on and on for nearly half an hour [bet you're glad I didn't type all that in!], explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white patriarchical society. In fact he pointed out "some serious critics believe the pink part reflects the cultural and social oppresion expressed by gay men in a contemproary society." After the curator left a Scotsman approached the couple and said "would you like to know what that paintings really about?" The couple said "how would you claim to know more than the curator of this gallery about that painting?" "Because I'm the guy that painted it", he replied, "In fact there is no African American representation at all, they are just three Scottish coal miners and the guy in the middle went home for lunch"

A pic / more info on location would help but it sounds like Bluetooth adapter and yes it is changeable, alternative mkt kits available too.

A bit belated but , methinks you'll going to get on just fine with the Zed, wet or dry given your previous experience. I'm tempted to ask what noise she did make, but thought better of it.

Happy birthday and guess what time for hair of the dog

No comments please about who would know 2 old girls. Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Maude: What in the hell is that? Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Maude: Where did you get it? Mabel: You can get them at any chemist. The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

Good car choice, choosing to get married ? the jury is out on that one Enjoy all of it !

Enjoy the car and the forum. Re: fuel I don't want to think about that this week, two trips from southwest to southeast and one to Newcastle and back.

Friendship among women: A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know about it. Mateship among men: A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a mate's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best mates. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still there.

A tad old, but couldn't see it in here. The Paint Can A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband is obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there," admitted the man, shamefacedly. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at B&Q, either.

big hello and enjoy. That name is familiar from the "odd" posting or two. For insurance try the Martin Lewis site method, can be quite successful at lowering those premiums. http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/insurance/ Then follow the guidelines, saves me having to type them in.

Son asked his mother the following question: 'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies, 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.' The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?' The father looks at his son in surprise and says, 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

Nah, not at all. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? A: The quiche of death.

Truly awful and we all know this happens too frequently. The sense of invincibility in young men I think is part of life's programming. It only takes an very very small amount of time for things to go so terribly wrong. The statistics on "crashes" when a young man is driving with passengers in the car is a huge percentage jump over young men on their own in a car. Not far from us a young man went missing and was found some days later in his car in a ditch full of water, on his own. I think he was just 18.

You aren't a fan of fishing boats then.

So spot on, not sure it should be in "Jokes & Babes", still very

A guy is driving around Dublin when he sees a sign in front of a house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yes," the Lab replies. "So, what's the story?" The Lab looks up and says: "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Garda about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country , sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for Eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work wondering near Suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible Dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a load of puppies, And now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. "Ten euros" the man says. "Ten euros? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Because he's a liar. He never did any of that @*!#!"

Suite a l'annonce du gel des bonus, les traders de Société Générale bloquent l'accès au parking de l'entreprise en signe de protestation

I have over 22 pages of these but thought I'd share but a few; bound to upset some Q. How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. One, because he holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him ________________________________________ Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. ________________________________________ Q: Why did the Post Office have to recall its series of stamps depicting famous Frenchmen? A: People were confused about which side to spit on. ________________________________________ Q. Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? A. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!" ________________________________________ Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as camouflage? A: Their armpits.