ATTAK Z Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!' The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: 'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a town-house, a beach-front villa and a £2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a £4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and £2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do. What do you suggest?' At this point, the girl's father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, 'Please shag her again and go for triplets this time !!!' ... ... 'Also I'd be interested to know if you fancy the wife' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maccaman Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted February 15, 2012 Share Posted February 15, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATTAK Z Posted February 15, 2012 Author Share Posted February 15, 2012 and another one that tickled my fancy A young Portsmouth woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea, but just before she could throw herself from the wharf, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Australia tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Australia, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the first mate Lexx during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked Lexx. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Australia." "I see," says Lexx. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied Lexx. "This is Martin's tugboat." Names have been changed to protect the innocent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HaydnH Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I would've said that was an aweful joke if you hadn't changed the names... however, now it's one of the funniest things I've read for a while! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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