Martin W Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 These are from a book called disorder in the American courts, and are what these people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ___________________________ ATTORNEY; What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS; Gucci sweats and Reebok's. ___________________________ ATTORNEY; Are you sexually active? WITNESS; No I just lie there. ___________________________ ATTORNEY; This myasthenia gravis, does it effect your memory at all? WITNESS; Yes. ATTORNEY; And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS; I forget things. ATTORNEY; You forget things? Can you give us an example of some thing you forgot? __________________________ ATTORNEY; Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS; We both do. ATTORNEY; Voodoo? WITNESS; We do. ATTORNEY; You do? WITNESS; Yes, woodoo. ________________________ ATTORNEY; Now doctor, isn't true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about until the next morning? WITNESS; Did you actually pass the bar exam? _______________________ ATTORNEY; The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? WITNESS; He's twenty, much like your IQ. _______________________ ATTORNEY; Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS; Are you shitting me? ______________________ ATTORNEY; So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS; Yes. ATTORNEY; And what were you doing at the time? WITNESS; Getting laid. _____________________ ATTORNEY; She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY; How many where boys? WITNESS; None. ATTORNEY; Were there any girls? WITNESS; Your Honor, I think I need a new attorney. Can I get a new attorney? _______________________ ATTORNEY; How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS; By death. ATTORNEY; And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS; Take a guess. ______________________ ATTORNEY; Can you describe this individual? WITNESS; He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY; Was this a male or female? WITNESS; Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________ ATTORNEY; Is your appearance here this morning persuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS; No, this how I dress when I go to work. _____________________________ ATTORNEY; Doctor, How many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS; All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ____________________________ ATTORNEY; All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did go to? WITNESS; Oral. ____________________________ ATTORNEY; Do you recall the time you examined the body? WITNESS; The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY; And Mr.Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS; If not, he was by the time I finished. _______________________ ATTORNEY; Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS; Are you qualified to ask the question? ______________________________ And the best for last. ATTORNEY; Doctor. Before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS; No ATTORNY; Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS; No. ATTORNEY; Did you check for breathing? WITNESS; No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS; No. ATTORNEY; How can you be sure, Doctor? WITNESS; Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY; I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS; Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunset350z Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TOYBOY Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT1703 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boOsted=Z Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 good one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.