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JT1703

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    Rabbie Burns Celebrations! CARE! STRANGE LANGUAGE

    in Off Topic Discussion

    Posted

    Haggis, neeps & tatties on the menu at work today to be washed down with a wee dram ( or probably a bottle of Irn Bru ) :snack::yahoo:

     

    TO A MOUSE

     

    Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie,

    O, what panic's in thy breastie!

    Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

    Wi' bickering brattle!

    I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,

    Wi' murd'ring pattle!

     

    I'm truly sorry Man's dominion

    Has broken Nature's social union,

    An' justifies that ill opinion,

    Which makes thee startle,

    At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,

    An' fellow-mortal!

     

    I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;

    What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!

    A daimen-icker in a thrave 'S a sma' request:

    I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,

    An' never miss't!

     

    Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!

    It's silly wa's the win's are strewin!

    An' naething, now, to big a new ane,

    O' foggage green!

    An' bleak December's winds ensuin,

    Baith snell an' keen!

     

    Thou saw the fields laid bare an' wast,

    An' weary Winter comin fast,

    An' cozie here, beneath the blast,

    Thou thought to dwell,

    Till crash! the cruel coulter past

    Out thro' thy cell.

     

    That wee-bit heap o' leaves an' stibble,

    Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!

    Now thou's turn'd out, for a' thy trouble,

    But house or hald.

    To thole the Winter's sleety dribble,

    An' cranreuch cauld!

     

    But Mousie, thou are no thy-lane,

    In proving foresight may be vain:

    The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men,

    Gang aft agley,

    An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,

    For promis'd joy!

     

    Still, thou art blest, compar'd wi' me!

    The present only toucheth thee:

    But Och! I backward cast my e'e,

    On prospects drear!

    An' forward, tho' I canna see,

    I guess an' fear!

    Best comedy films ever

    in Off Topic Discussion

    Posted

    One or two from Life of Brian :teeth:

     

    Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum?

    Mandy: Stop thinking about sex!

    Brian: I wasn't!

    Mandy: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small?"

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: I am NOT the Messiah!

    Arthur: I say you are Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Reg: If you want to join the People's Front of Judea, you have to really hate the Romans.

    Brian: I do!

    Reg: Oh yeah, how much?

    Brian: A lot!

    Reg: Right, you're in.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [A line of prisoners files past a jailer.]

    Jailer: Crucifixion?

    Prisoner: Yes.

    Jailer: Good. Out of the door, line on the left, one cross each. [Next prisoner.] Crucifixion?

    Prisoner 2: Er, no, freedom actually.

    Jailer: What?

    Prisoner 2: Yeah, they said I hadn't done anything and I could go and live on an island somewhere.

    Jailer: Oh I say, that's very nice. Well, off you go then.

    Prisoner 2: No, I'm just pulling your leg, it's crucifixion really.

    Jailer: [laughing] Oh yes, very good. Well...

    Prisoner 2: Yes I know, out of the door, one cross each, line on the left.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Wise man: We were led by a star.

    Brian's mother: Led by a bottle, you mean.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Suicide Squad Leader: We are the Judean People's Front crack suicide squad! Suicide squad, attack! [they all stab themselves] That showed 'em, huh?

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy! :#1:

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it!

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!

    Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

    Brian: What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

    Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

    Brian: Now, f*ck off!

    [silence]

    Arthur: How shall we f*ck off, O Lord?

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: There's no pleasing some people.

    Beggar: That's what Jesus said.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: You are all individuals!

    The Crowd: We are all individuals!

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Brian: You have to be different!

    The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!

    Small lonely voice: I'm not!

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Mandy: What star sign is he?

    Wise Man #2: Capricorn.

    Mandy: Capricorn, eh? What are they like?

    Wise Man #2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.

    Wise Man #1: King of the Jews.

    Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?

    Wise Man #3: No, no, that's just him.

    Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of them.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Stan: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.

    Reg: But you can't have babies.

    Stan: Don't you oppress me.

    Reg: I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?

    [stan starts crying.]

    Judith: Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the *right* to have babies.

    Francis: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister, sorry.

     

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal?

    Matthias: No.

    Centurion: Crucifixion!

    Matthias: Oh.

    Centurion: Nasty, eh?

    Matthias: Could be worse.

    Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"?

    Matthias: Well, you could be stabbed.

    Centurion: Stabbed? Takes a second. Crucifixion lasts hours. It's a slow, horrible death.

    Matthias: Well, at least it gets you out in the open air.

    Centurion: You're weird!

    Spotted Five In Two Hours Aberdeen and Shire

    in Spotted or Flyered

    Posted

    I spotted an Azure with bodylit on the Parkway on Friday with private plate ( not Stew's ! ).

     

    Spotted Ross's in his drive as well ... rear spoiler is still looking strange ! ;)

     

    Yeah, hopefully not for much longer! when you popping round next? not seen your zed in a while.

     

    R

     

    Car has been tucked away in the garage since the end of September but I'm getting withdrawal symptoms driving the feesty so it'll be coming out to play soon :teeth:

    I'm sticking it into Raymondo on Friday to get the Nismo skirts painted and fitted ( the snow over the last few weeks delayed that ).

     

    ps do you still have your rear spats or have they gone ?

     

    JT

     

    I solds them unfortunatly. I was thinking about if you would want them or not but then i remembered you had the mud guards.

     

    R

     

    Aye no worries. I did see your original post about them and was swithering about changing the rear splash guards to spats.

    The front guards will have to come off when I stick the skirts on so I thought the spats would tie in quite well with them.

     

    JT

    Spotted Five In Two Hours Aberdeen and Shire

    in Spotted or Flyered

    Posted

    I spotted an Azure with bodylit on the Parkway on Friday with private plate ( not Stew's ! ).

     

    Spotted Ross's in his drive as well ... rear spoiler is still looking strange ! ;)

     

    Yeah, hopefully not for much longer! when you popping round next? not seen your zed in a while.

     

    R

     

    Car has been tucked away in the garage since the end of September but I'm getting withdrawal symptoms driving the feesty so it'll be coming out to play soon :teeth:

    I'm sticking it into Raymondo on Friday to get the Nismo skirts painted and fitted ( the snow over the last few weeks delayed that ).

     

    ps do you still have your rear spats or have they gone ?

     

    JT

    Hoon 09 feedback and 2010 ideas

    in Meets, Shows and Events

    Posted

    Husky , will you snuggling be up to your mate in a one-tent again like last year ? ;)

     

    Maybe Fort Augustus for one night ( I want to see if they have decorated my chalet yet ! :blush: ) then Ullapool as a base for a couple of days.

     

    LOL

     

    John dont even think about booking my challet ;):p Mine was big pimping with the fireplace and leather sofa :lol::lol:

     

    I've provisionally booked it for the whole of August & September just to make sure I get it mate !!

     

    How jealous was I of your leatherette suites and fake wood fire surround .... affa posh compared to the effort we were in !! :blush::lol:

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