Cara

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia Accepted! Learn

I would usually spell 'paedophile' too but I think pedophile is an acceptable variant?

Not often that a woman is faster than a man

Telescope

You changed that quick cereal

4 glasses of wine for me, surprised i'm not at back of the class yet! Eel.

A Young Glasgow lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. 'Do you have any sales experience?' asked the manager. 'Oh Aye; uff dunnabitta sales stuff back up eh road anat, ah'eh barras anat, know?', nodded the young weegie. The manager liked the lad, so he gave him the job. The young Scot's first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down to see how he was settling in. 'So... how many sales did you make today'? He smiled at the boy. The Glaswegian said: 'Jist the wan'. The manager was immediately disappointed. 'Wh-a-a-t? Just one? Harrods's sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day! Dear me! Oh well, how much was the sale for, anyway'? '£101,237.64' said the lad. The Harrods manager choked. 'Blimey... One hundred and one thousand, two hundred and thirty-seven pounds and sixty four pence! What in hell did you sell him?' 'Well, first ah selt him a wee fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and then ah selt him a new fishing rod. Then ah asked him where he was gawin' fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I telt him he would need a boat. We went down to the boat department and I selt him that twin-engined Power Cat... then he said he didn't think his wee Honda Civic could pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I selt him a dinky 4x4 Suzuki...'. The manager was now incredulous. 'Wait a minute; you mean to tell me.... a guy came in here to buy a small fish hook but you sold him a boat AND a four-by-four?' 'Naw naw, big man... he came in tay buy a box of tampons furries missus and Ah said........."Well pal, seein' as how yer weekend's f**ked, ye might as well go fishing..."'.

Where did 'se' come from??

Knew that'd be too simple Beyond my IT skills

Oncology

I don't use Outlook at home so I'm trying to think what I would do at work... don't you just hover over the mail in your inbox, right click and click on properties to show the send path? Not sure if that helps, I'm sure somebody more knowledgeable will be along shortly!

Not just a pretty face

Ngultrum

ssh??

One of us will pick it up for you Seriously though, I wouldn't trust them either, done the right thing in taking a note of the mileage and at least you have us spotters! Chris, saw you again today! Holburn Street, just before 6pm.

Good news and good luck guys

Happy Birthday Stan, hope you have a fab day!

Welcome Can I say you have very good taste, my previous car before the Zed was a Cooper S too. I'm certain you're going to love it

Sh!t, sorry to hear this, how gutting. Must have given you a real scare at the time too. Nightmare. Still, as others have said, cars can be fixed at the end of the day and that's something to focus on.

Nice car Rich

Well done on taking the first step! My fiance has mentioned this a few times to me, but I'm still a bit too nervous Good luck and let us know how it goes!

Well, it's a shame to be selling such a fab car so quickly but you've got a good price for it by making your money back, and you've got to do what feels right for you. I look forward to seeing the pics of the Evo 8! I've always liked them, Doug and I have looked at a few in the past.

I know how you feel, but it sounds like you should be okay. We have speed bumps in the streets around us, and they're a pain in the ar$e. They are the twin hump type ones, and there are always parked cars on one side of the street making it impossible to go through the middle of them, and straddling one causes a fair amount of scraping of the exhaust. So we have to do a kinda half-on-half-off swerve manouevre at about 2mph

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.' LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2) Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'' 'What's the f#*cking difference?' asks the father. 'That's what I said!' LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.' Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.' LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a ****!!' The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go..' Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!' LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2) One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My Father bought my Mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f#*cking beautiful!'' LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.' Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.' The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?' Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f#*cking business. I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!!!

I had to say chippy as everyone would have thought I was weird saying chipper. I think it's an Aberdonian thing Cara. Come to think of it, I think you're right that it's an Aberdonian thing. We're weird then here..... or should I say special ...needs? Special-bus-type special needs You could be quite right lol....weird I always imagined you to be a white guy when replying in your threads, nothing gave it away......bet there is plenty of folk on here I think are white and turn out not to be... Guess what colour I am Hot pink?