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30 things learnt from porn (warning ADULT CONTENT)


steve_b

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1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted m4sturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with 5perm.

6. Women enjoy having 5ex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a bl0wjob.

8. Women always 0rgasm when men do.

9. A bl0wjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy ****s.

11. People in the 70's couldn't **** unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those t1ts are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-3rect pen1s and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they c*m.

15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having 5ex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of sh1t out of you if you shove your c0ck in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the a$$.

21. Nurses suck patient's c0cks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily p1ssed off before ****ing the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches... or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's c0ck, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".

26. A$$holes are clean.

27. A man ej4culating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a c0ck there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a bl0wjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

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