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Lets offend everyone


Zazur

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Just been sent this, no offense meant to anyone.

 

 

LETS OFFEND EVERYONE

 

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,

mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.

 

A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I have not eaten for two days'

I told him 'I wish I had your will power'

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I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things

commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the

correct answers.

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A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'Sorry

about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually '

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I walked past an aboriginal kid apparantly begging at a Bus Stop as I

came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change' I said

'Nope! You're still Black'

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Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 6

Inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

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An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.

A man asks What is wrong??

The boy says Me ma is dead

Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you??

The boy replies No thanks mister, Sex is the last thing on my mind at

the moment.

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I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how

gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner &

I always end up in bed with them.

Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does

this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'

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Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.

But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon

sandwich works best!

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Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense

shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman

with her mouth closed.

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I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you

could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to

yourself I'm gonna take that.

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Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland . He looks down and

sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I??

The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back Ya canna kid me ya

flash bastard. You're in that friggin basket.

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I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question

which I got wrong. The question was "Where do women have the curliest

hair?"

Apparently, the answer I should have given was Fiji .

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