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ZeddZ

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Posts posted by ZeddZ

  1.  

    One thing I've noticed in the past is that you only truly get to know a car when you wash it, and tonight I found a tiny nick in the paintwork on the drivers door. It's tiny but the car is only 4 weeks old so I was pretty annoyed when I found it. I can only surmise that someone has scratched it walking past (it could be the kids that cycle past it on their way to the playing field by my house). My fingernail catches on it so it's pretty deep, but you wouldn't notice it unless I pointed it out - trouble is I know it's there. :(

     

     

    I have the same problem.I have never washed and looked after a car before like I do the Zed.I have found tiny parking nicks in the doors and a minute scratch on the boot.Nobody else can see them till I point them out but I can see them and it pisses me off. :angry:

     

    Still wash the damn thing twice a week though. :lol:

  2. In my 13 or 14 yr old youth(many moons ago).There was a pikey in our village who always harassed us young tough dudes for fags.My pals dad was a gamekeeper so there were shotgun cartridges and the like kicking about in his house.One day we decided to make a special cigarette by pulling the tobacco out with a pin and tipping the gunpowder out of a cartridge in it,upto about 2/3rds full.We then packed the tobacco in on top and tidied it up so you couldn't tell it from a fresh one.

     

    We then went out hunting for the aforementioned pikey and sure enough found him in the bus shelter.As soon as he saw us he asked for a fag.No problem Sid,here you go.He lit the fag and took a draw on it and his face screwed up.Thats bloody rough,where did you get it he said.Seem ok to us we said.He took another draw and hit the gunpowder.The blue flame shot up his nose and singed his eyebrows.We took off like hares with this mad pikey after us threatening to kill our whole families.Me and my pal could hardly run for laughing.It was a special moment.He never did catch us.

     

    :boxing::boxing:

  3. When they prise the keys" from my cold, dead hands."

     

    Quote courtesy of Charlton Heston :teeth:

     

     

    Wow,never knew Charlton Heston had a Z. :D

     

    In the 6 months I have had mine.A fill of fuel has gone up from 60 odd quid to 80 odd.I know within the next 12 months it will be up to £100 but I still can't see myself selling it. :headhurt:

  4. Got home from the pub at 3 o clock this morning and the missus was waiting at the door with a rolling pin.

    I said "What the **** are you baking at this hour?"

     

    :rant::rant:

  5. Ladies:When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff

    broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the

    side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

     

    :lol::lol:

  6. One night a man walks into a bar looking sad.The bartender asks the man what he wants.

     

    The man says,"Oh,a large vodka."

     

    The bartender asked the man,"What's wrong,why are you so down today?"

     

    The man said,"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month."

     

    The bartender said,"So, what's wrong with that?"

     

    The man said,"Well, the month is up tonight."

     

    :p:teeth::teeth:

  7. A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot.

     

    One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house there. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

     

    She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them rough diamond types, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

     

    At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing A £5. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

     

    When they got to the bank the clerk was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own wage packet at such a young age.

     

    The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house."

     

    "My goodness gracious," said the clerk, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

     

    The little girl replied, "I will if those useless c#*ts at B&Q ever bring us the f@*+ing plasterboard"

     

    :teeth:

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