Liam's Z

If it still here I'm around till the 5th Pm the details

You had the knitting needles out again Tim

If it's Liverpool/ Manchester area then you can give me a shout

Still remember first time i done that lol It was the morning after a night on the guiness too, poor lass LOL

My fav rule 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, yellow, orange or sky blue.

"To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight." When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: "My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow. "

You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make. A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said "All I want out of life is four little animals, just like my mom always says" The teacher asked "Really and what four little animals would that be?" The little girl said. "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all." The teacher fainted.

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?" He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...." "Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall ! and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

The International Rules of Manhood: 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. ( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. © After wrecking your boss's car. (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". (e) When she is using her teeth. 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice. 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts. 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a) Yeah, Baby, Push it! C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers! 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was. 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, yellow, orange or sky blue. 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!" We hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

>> >> A primary teacher starts a new job at Holy St Mary Mother of God RC >> primary >> school in Glasgow and, trying to make a good >> impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Celtic > fan. >> She asks her students to raise their hands if >> they, too, are Celtic fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand >> except >> one little girl. >> The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Emma, why didn't >> you >> raise your hand"" >> >> "Because I'm not a Celtic fan," she replied.The teacher, still shocked > asks: >> "Well, if you're not a Celtic fan, then who are >> you a fan of?" I'm a Rangers fan, and proud of it," Emma replied. >> >> The teacher could not believe her ears. "Emma, why are you a Rangers >> fan?" >> "Because my mum and dad are from Govan, and my mum is a Rangers fan and >> my >> dad is a Rangers fan, so I'm a Rangers fan >> too!" >> >> "Well," said the teacher, in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you >> to >> be a Rangers fan. You don't have to be just >> like your parents all of the time. >> >> What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car >> thief, what would you be then?" >> "Then," Emma smiled, "I'd be a Celtic fan."

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, In a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told That anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would Not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the Priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew Off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up...... Then all the other bells started to ring.

SIGNAL TO NOISE RATIO

Digsy instead of broadcasting publicly PM your insults

That's why we pay you so much money No seriously Chris, I don't know what work goes on behind closed doors yet I do know some mods are more visible than others!!! Like I say Jacko takes abuse from me, tho I hope he know's I'm only kiddin... My way of saying I appreciate your efforts I suppose

Ha Ha

Where's Liam's Z when you need him????? Probably out nicking stereo's Hey It's car wheels on a Friday Got any off a Mazda RX8 going?? Not anymore..... I sold em 2 Sarnie

who me

My mate SPLIT ARSE JACKO

Wish someone had posted this 18 months ago..... how much has it cost you fella???

Watch it Elephant arse

My guess is mod's where around at the time with the exception of Jacko as he probably would of intervened!!! I take the p*ss out of SAJ but it seems he is one of few who has the bollocks to step in while others sit back when things get out of hand... Btw Digsy don'y you claim benefits whilst working

I've noticed this myself people... don't think this is fair Can't be one rule for us and one rule for you

Can't they tax the car under there insurance???

From http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=U&start= ... iVfIjlAc0= Some not relavant A FEW REMINDERS WHEN TAKING DELIVERY OF YOUR 350Z 1) PREMIUM FUEL: The 350Z requires premium fuel. Please ask to make sure that your Z has a full tank of premium fuel. 2) TIRE AIR PRESSURE: During shipping, tire pressures may be higher than required for normal driving. Please check the air pressure in all tires and adjust, as needed. The proper tire pressure for both front and rear tires is 35 psi. 3) PASSENGER SEAT BELT: The passenger side seat belt is equipped with a clip on the passenger side B-pillar to secure the seat belt when not in use. Secure the passenger side seat belt to the clip to prevent unnecessary cabin rattle noise when the belt is not in use. 4) Z's EQUIPPED WITH ALUMINUM PEDALS: The aluminum pedals are protected during shipping with a clear plastic film. Make sure the film is removed from the pedals. 5) ANTENNA ROD: Make sure the antenna rod is firmly attached to the antenna base. 6) FRONT TOW HOOK COVER: Make sure the black plastic "L" shape cover is installed in the center of the lower front grill (directly below the license plate frame, if a front license plate frame is installed). 7) OPTIONAL AUTO DIMMING REARVIEW MIRROR: If your 350Z is equipped with the optional auto dimming mirror, the compass may require calibration. Refer to the instructions included with the mirror on how to calibrate the mirror for the zone where the Z will be operated. 8) STORAGE BOX / OPTIONAL NISSAN NAVIGATION SYSTEM LID: A black colored label provides instruction for closing the lid when the storage box or optional navigation system is not in use. Do not remove the label from the lid. 9) TRACK MODEL FRONT AERO DEFLECTOR: The track model front aero deflector is stored in the trunk area during shipping. The dealer will have removed and reused the bolts securing the front engine splash shield to mount the front aero deflector. 10) BATTERY DISCONNECTION / DOOR WINDOW CONSIDERATIONS: The 350Z has a feature that lowers the window about 10mm when the door is opened. This feature also raises the window about 10mm to a "fully raised" position when the door is shut. This is to reduce wind noise and reduce door-closing effort If the battery of a 350Z is disconnected while the doors are closed and the windows are in the fully raised position, the top edge of the windows may hang up on the edge of the roof, when the doors are opened or closed. This could damage the window, roof, or door glass run rubbers. 11) OPTIONAL TIRE PRESSURE SENSORS (350Zs with 18" wheels): 350Zs equipped with this system can be easily identified by the silver-colored valve stem installed in each wheel. Also the valve stems look slightly larger around (in diameter) than regular rubber valve stems. Make sure the tire pressures are displaying properly. 12) RECORDS AND PAPERWORK: Be sure to keep the factory window sticker. It will have your 350Z's color and trim code, VIN and list of all equipment and options. And remember to get any and all agreements in writing from your dealer.