Jokes

[Liam's Z]

a classic

 

Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful

 

Queen's

voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the

Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.

Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon

Slayer to satisfy

his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without

pause,

Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and

poured a little bit

into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the

itching commenced and grew intense.

Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio

the

Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied

 

for four hours,

would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva

of Nick the

Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then

 

slipped Nick the

Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into

 

his mouth, and for the

next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and

magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left

 

satisfied and was touted as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the

Physician demanding

his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the

Dragon Slayer couldn't

have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report

this matter to

the King, shooed him away with no payment made.

The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same

itching powder into the King's shorts.

The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer...

MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills

 

An Irishman found an old oil lamp and rubbed it. Out came a Genie who said,

"Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three

wishes, what would you like"

The Irishman scratched his head for a few moments, then answered,

"I wish for a bottle of Guinness that never gets empty."

"Granted master" replied the Genie and produced the bottle.

The Irishman was delighted and immediately poured himself a tall

glass of the dark brew. After he drained the glass he picked up

the bottle and sure enough it was full again. The Irishman got

drunk on this one magic Guinness bottle for three weeks before he

remembered that he had two more wishes.

He rubbed the lamp again and the Genie appeared.

"Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?"

"You remember that magic, never ending Guinness bottle?" he asks

the Genies. "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two of them"

 

 

Three women were returning to their Hungarian village

when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking

ahead of them. As they watched him stumbling, he fell face

down into a mud puddle.

When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see

if she recognized him. However, his face was so covered with

mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants. She remarked,

"Well, he's not my husband."

The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, "Your

right, he's not your husband."

The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent

over to look and said, "He's not from our village."