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carlton x

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Posts posted by carlton x

  1. 1) I coat my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

    2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

    3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

    4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

    5) I shave with a bowie knife.

    6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

    7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

    8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

    9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

    10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

    11) I am ians cats best customer

    12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

    13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

    14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

    15) I drink sand

    16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

    17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

    18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

    19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

    20) I use sandpaper condoms.

    21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

    22) When I do push-ups my body stays still and the earth moves up and down

    23) I pop into fine haberdasheries and say "Your hats are less than exceptional."

    24) I got into a knife fight. The knife lost

    25) I'm a lumber jack and I'm ok, I cut down trees and I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra - I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa...............is this the right thread ?

    26) I aspire to turbo/supercharge everything I own, this includes the microwave

    27) Even as a kid I could anhialate everyone at a game of conkers......USING MY LEFT NUT

    28) When the Olympics found out G4S couldnt provide the security required they asked me if i could do it, but i was too busy drinking beer and nailing strippers.

    29) Not only do I pee standing up, I'm doing a handstand, not standing on my feet

    30) I don't wash the dishes they wet themselves in fear

    31) The exotic dancers at my local Gentleman's club know me by name.

    32) when I need to stop a wee midstream I smash him with a hammer to stem the flow

    33) I make onions cry

    34) my seaman can swim the channel . . . and back !

  2. 1) I coat my cornflakes every morning with lead filings and 99Ron fuel.

    2) I cut the grass by pouring petrol over it and setting fire!

    3) I chew on wild rabbits as a snack.

    4) I blow my tyres up with my mouth.

    5) I shave with a bowie knife.

    6) I changed my oil and used my teeth to get the sup plug off!

    7) I too changed my oil and drank the waste!

    8) I eat my dinner with a pitch fork and machete.

    9) My cat has been trained to be the local drug dealer

    10) I drive a pick up truck. The manliest vehicle in the known universe

    11) I am ians cats best customer

    12) When servicing my car I don't use ramps, I hold my car up with my knees

    13) I wear barbed wire instead of socks

    14) I brush my teeth with a wire brush

    15) I drink sand

    16) I can do 0-60 in 2.5 seconds. That's twice as fast as my car.

    17) I used hair straighteners to smash my teeth out when I got bored cleaning them.

    18) when I cook tea I often cut my own finger off as a snack.

    19) I ate Ian's cat because it gives short measures

    20) I use sandpaper condoms.

    21) I do my own electrical work - stripping wires with my teeth - and leave the supply on whilst doing it.

    22) When I do push-ups my body stays still and the earth moves up and down

    23) I pop into fine haberdasheries and say "Your hats are less than exceptional."

    24) I got into a knife fight. The knife lost

    25) I'm a lumber jack and I'm ok, I cut down trees and I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra - I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear papa...............is this the right thread ?

    26) I aspire to turbo/supercharge everything I own, this includes the microwave

    27) Even as a kid I could anhialate everyone at a game of conkers......USING MY LEFT NUT

    28) When the Olympics found out G4S couldnt provide the security required they asked me if i could do it, but i was too busy drinking beer and nailing strippers.

    29) Not only do I pee standing up, I'm doing a handstand, not standing on my feet

    30) I don't wash the dishes they wet themselves in fear

    31) The exotic dancers at my local Gentleman's club know me by name.

    32) when I need to stop a wee midstream I smash him with a hammer to stem the flow

    33) I make onions cry

    34) my seaman can swim the channel . . . and back !

  3. this might be a repost but just saw the last 10 mins of a film called 200mph, i started watching when a 370z was lined up against a skyline gtr new one, it looked good for about 5 seconds then i saw the worst race ever ,the affects were a joke the only gud thing was i only saw the ending and the 370z looked B) and so did the skyline it was on the syfy channel

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