vasser

cheers guys,

Just going to repair the one i've got, There is no way i'm paying Nissan £600 + VAT.

Had a wee incident Kyle ?!

Yeah, Had a wee one a while ago, but had to go away to work. Just got home and desided that i better get it seen too.

Hi M, No not tried ZMANALEX, but will do. Thanks.

Hi Peeps

I'm looking for a good condition front bumper at discount prices in the Sunset orange.

Thanks Guys.

Unbelivable!!!!

Just spun the car out in the most sureal way, 70mph, cruise control on straight part of dualer.

The Back of the car turned round and ended up on wrong side of dual carrage reversing. The steering wheel didn't even move. I mean what the F. Feel sick, really sick, like sea sick.

Inspected damage and this is whats happened.

-steering wheel out of line

-Rear offside wheel off line (IN A BIG WAY)

-front bumpmer a bit well, bumped.

-can't see anything else in the dark, check her out tommorrow.

will have to take to garrage tommorrow, was forced to do 30mph all way home and car was slipping and irratice.

Wonder how much this will set me back.

Plus they probably lost ratings due to that X factor.

Any one think Dave has mad it a bit boring, it's no longer special!

Vicky Butler Henderson needs to come on and show up Clarkson. God I love her, she can drive and look good doing it. If they do can it, they have to end it with the Stig being revealled and then run over by the Black stig

Yes, Rage gets the #1 spot for Crimbo.

Good to see im not the only one thats sick of X-Factor.

It's the morning after the works night out that seems to be catching people out in Aberdeen. Police really clamping down on DD at this time of the year.

alessandro wrote:

( I normally don't pass the 4000 anyway )

I try and not let it fall below 4000 RPM

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

WE ALWAYS HEAR ' the rules '

From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note these are all numbered '1 '

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball

or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1.. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

HSE Guidance - the singing of 'Festive Songs'

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir; We will lend a coat of fur, We

will rock you, rock you, rock you,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you ...

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of

allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a

nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be

considered a suitable alternative.

Please note: only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records

Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby

Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times

and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking

commences.

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow -

In a one horse open sleigh,

O'er the fields we go -

Laughing all the way ...

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered

safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must

also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a

venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please

note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their

fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we

would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be

considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched

Their flocks by night,

All seated on the ground

The angel of the Lord came down

And glory shone around ...

The union of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and

safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without

appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches,

stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also

requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of

year that they should watch their flocks via cctv cameras from centrally

heated shepherd observation huts.

Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his /

her glory all around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have

been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of

UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer

had a very shiny nose.

And if you ever saw him,

you would even say it glows ...

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is

inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness

of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer

from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary

action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full

investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension

on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road; Got to keep on plodding

onwards with your precious load ...

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load

that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in

the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and

how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.

Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road,

Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any

airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being

labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr.

Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered

an infringement of his equine rights.

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar -

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star ...

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be

redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold'

etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the

potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions.

A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy

cause in the recipients name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by

stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC

routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest

route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the

guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the

three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks.

Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood

of dust from the camels hooves.

IF you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Is it the same for a pig?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football pitch. (30 minutes.. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too..)

Polar bears are left-handed.. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

Hi Neil

Sorry to hear about that. Have you sent your CV to Caprock? They are heavily involved in the Telecoms Business in the off-shore industry. I work with a few of their boys and they all seem to have only good things to say about the company. The type of jobs going is for techs. Guys who can work with tools really, basically maintenance and repairs. The rotas most these guys are on are 2 weeks offshore and 3 weeks at home. Good pay too, probably in excess of 45K closer the 50K mark a year.

Yeah buddy, defo get a few more rides...

Drove my pals R32, thought it was a big bit soft compared to the Zed, like the gears, steering and clutch. Still a really good car though, really planted in the corners.

Yeah had ths problem before, the best thing to do is slam the door. Then try and put it up. Once its up remove the door card and look for any loose connections ect...

Silver Zed heading towards Glenshee, didn't get a chance to wave as was going too .....

Black GTR pulled up at side of dualer heading towards Stonehaven. Had to honk the horn in appreciation, I soooooooooooooooooooo want one!

Also loads of the really cool VW camper vans, if they were not so far apart would have thought there was a meet on, counted 6 of them.

I Would love to do this kind of thing and meet people from all over who love the Zed as much as me.

However me entering would be subject to knowing the dates, (off-Shore Rota dictates when i can go ).

Sorry i have not been quicker getting to this thread, was away on Hols ..

Sadly i 'm back on the big smelly rig on the 19th so won't be able to make this one ..

Enjoy yourselfs guys

Guess where we were today?? heres a clue for Stew white chocolate and raspberry ripple

 

pity about the Bervie chipper tho

 

Was it Bervie that burnt down? I heard on N/Sound that there was a fire.

 

 

Oh and I went last week.... Scottish tablet!

You people are becoming addicted to Aunty Betty Ice Cream!!!

The Bervie got burnt down?????

Stew: 4/5th or 18/19th

ab350z: 4/5th or 18/19th

Grantmitchell: 18/19th

Cara: 4/5th or 18/19th

dawnc : 4th or 5th ( depending on when Kenny's golfing ! )

JT1703 : 4/5th or 18/19th

Vasser: 4/5th.

This sounds wierd but adding more power *might* take away some of the fun. I like FWD cars with little power as they are fun. Big power ones are pants!

yeah Kinda agree, but the overtaking power just isn't there.

No not kidding Stew, Was out in her today and forgot just how much fun she is,

Just joined that east side view, waiting to hear if anyone there has any ideas.

Wonder if changing the reaer axle would be a massive job, Reason i want back brakes is that the brakes that are on are, well ........ crapolla!

Thanks Stew

O.K. Guys, I have a VW Polo, about 10 years old, 1.6ltr CL Saloon and 130000 miles on the clock.

What I want to do is rip out the engine and replace it for a new 2ltr Turbo. I also want to upgrade on the brakes, it only has front brakes, but I want back ones aswell, can this be done? A few other mods to help performance. Only put on a body kit if I find a really nice one, don't want to make it look like it belongs to 17yr old. Finally respray it Azure Blue.

I know it’s not worth much, but was my first car and holds a high sentimental value. Any idea if these mods can all be done and how much. Any ideas on good performance upgrades or good body kits will be appreciated.

Thanks

Go for it Herbie, You know you want to.

Getting some good numbers for this, espically considering it's not much notice.

7pm sounds good,

So Monday @ 7pm B&Q.

1. Kyle (vasser)