Mondo 300 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Oh guys. I'm really rock bottom with all this. So much is going on/wrong and all I want is her care and compassion and love and hugs. The really awful truth in this is that she obviously doesn't want to give you those things. As much as we may all wish otherwise, you can't change someone's feelings or make them feel how they used to - that needs to come from them. I've been in your position in the past and I know how badly it can hurt... I know how it can feel like absolutely nothing else matters other than getting that person back in your life.... that feeling does pass, I promise! It's the time between right now and that point that leaves the emotional scars... All you can do is ride this out and, if need be (and it helps), keep turning to the membership on here. It's a bit cliched but there is truth in the notion that it can be easier to open up to strangers (or relative strangers) than to your closest friends and family. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 I'm having a real emotional rollercoaster. One minute I feel despair, the next, sadness, the next, anger, the next - 'ok'. It's killing me. I think I am coming to terms that it IS over. There'll be no "I made a mistake, take me back" message from her. She's probably dating a guy already. One terrifying thought I had is that I've put 5 years in this. Now I'm single again at 35. I had a look quickly at match.come. ... Anyone my age allways has kids. Or they're very fat/given up. Will probably take a couple of years to get over it and then I'm 37 ffs. I'll have to be finding women with grand children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payco Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 (edited) I think you made the right decision buddy given the information you have provided. Owning a z should keep a smile on your face. I am sure you will look back in years to come as others have said and reflect on making the right decision even though it probably feels painful right now. 35 is no age at all. Better than hanging in there unhappy and wasting more years. Edited August 11, 2016 by Payco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 You need to broaden your outlook a bit mate. You're hardly an old man and assuming that every woman around your age who doesn't have kids is some fat loser is narrow minded. There are plenty of attractive switched-on women who choose not to have kids for perfectly good reasons. Maybe you should deal with your emotions about the breakup before you even contemplate a new relationship. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wasso Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Get a last minute deal to Ibiza, whether on your own or with a friend. Have a messy but fun time and relax, get yourself away from normality, look at the positive and just rinse all that bad crap away. You need some decent current memories, something that will bridge the gap from the old. A holiday whereby you're away from things that "remind" you will make moving on easier. It's not easy, but trust me you'll be more experienced in working out who is the RIGHT girl for you, she's out there..... just a matter of time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valy Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 thinking the same as most of the guys have said already so won't repeat all the above...got to move on with your life and keep busy...work/gym/cars/holiday/friends... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 11, 2016 Author Share Posted August 11, 2016 I know I've made the right decision. It still doesn't hurt any less. Would have been nice if there was even mild objection on her half. It's like the last 4 years are as nothing to her. The reason we broke up was because I had a long episode of depression and wasn't 'there' a fair bit and I could be really miserable and moody. Would have been nice to get a second chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docwra Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 The reason we broke up was because ............ Hate to say it man, but the reason you broke up was that you werent meant to be together. The sooner you move on the longer you will have with the right girl, although it hurts to start with very few people regret breakups in the long term, they are almost always for the best 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Payco Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Posted Today, 10:41 You need to broaden your outlook a bit mate. Just did mine. Just go to the toolbar above your e-mail and drag the screen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ricey Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 The reason we broke up was because ............ Hate to say it man, but the reason you broke up was that you werent meant to be together. The sooner you move on the longer you will have with the right girl, although it hurts to start with very few people regret breakups in the long term, they are almost always for the best ^ this is all you need to know. You did not break up due to any episode of depression. You broke up because she wasn't prepared to work through it. Quite frankly **** anyone who cares that little. Don't for a minute be blaming depression on what's happened. It's happened because you weren't right for each other Sent from my SM-G925F using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sipar69 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Posted Today, 10:41 You need to broaden your outlook a bit mate. Just did mine. Just go to the toolbar above your e-mail and drag the screen. Groan... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gangzoom Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Don't worry about your age, we have quite a few friends similar age go through similar things last few years. They are now all in new relationships and a couple are getting married. What they found was people in their 30's are much more mature, and know what they want, so when you find someone there is none of the games people play you get when your in the 20's. Match.com has worked well for a few people I know, so don't get down, instead see it as a opportunity for something better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 12, 2016 Author Share Posted August 12, 2016 Had to see her last night. Got a call from the vet as our cat was microchipped with my number. Had been knocked down and killed. But he lived with her. Goddamm I loved that cat. This has been the fortnight from hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rabbitstew Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 Must be the week for it. One of our cats was run over 2 days ago. Bit upsetting really as im the one who has to feed/clean them every day. Id fed them at at 6am as always, it went outside for its wander about then get a call from the vets a couple of hours later saying it had been run over on the road behind my house. It was a quiet 30mph road. At least someone had the decency to take it to the vet and get them to scan it, else you end up never knowing whats happened to it. Our other cats are all a bit lost now, not daring to go outside - so whether they witnessed it I dont know. Anyhow, onto relationships. Whilst its hurting atm, and it will for some time, I think you made the right choice based on what you have said previously etc. Otherwise you end up running about like a lapdog not daring to say or do anything in case its wrong. The biggest problem I found when I went through my last split up was the sudden amount of extra spare time you have. You go from not having any spare time at all, to having all the free time in the world. And so you end up spending every spare moment thinking about everything which makes it worse. All the thinking "what if and what that" wont change anything and you know that but you cant stop thinking. Your aiming in the right direction though, keeping yourself busy, gym, 2nd job etc. you need stuff to just take your mind off things. One thing I found helped me no end, is that I re-ignited friendships with some old mates and started hanging out with them. Just to take my mind off things. One mate in particular I had only just helped him through his own breakup, and then 2 months later I was in the same boat and he helped me through it. Knowing that you are not the only one going/been through this and having an ear to listen was a really great help. We were also able to have a laugh about old times, back before our current failed relationships etc. I also was able to start doing hobbies id really enjoyed but had to put on hold, such as shooting, running, playing guitar, motorbikes etc. after a while it was actually quite enjoyable having the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted. But always in the back of your head there is that loneliness, missing someone to cuddle etc. Now, I wasnt sure whether that was me actually missing the ex, or just missing being in a relationship and cuddling someone. A lot of people move on quickly to someone else as having someone else about helps you get over the ex quicker. But then if you do that on the rebound it can end up just making things a bit worse later on as your feelings were confused etc - so you end up just hurting someone else. Id steer well clear of places like match.com for a long time. After I split with my ex, about 5 months later a mate suggested I should go on there just to get a few dates and see women as "nice people" rather than evil old cows. I signed up, had a look and one of the people match.com "suggested" was a perfect match for me was my ex. !!!! The profile picture she was using was one I had taken, and all her hobbies/interests she had put down were basically the same as mine. After the sick feeling had gone, I had to laugh as she put down stuff like she "loved romantic walks".... the only walking she ever did was from the sofa to the fridge & back. Did feel like a bit of a kick in the teeth as she had said to me that she wanted some space to be single etc, and here she was on a dating site. A dating site it had taken me months to pluck up the courage to join only to have her profile picture grinning at me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nissanman312 Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 My pal was in a very simlar position last year His girlfriend was cheating and he new it His sister had just died he was a mess his car blew up it was all going good wrong He said the same as you single at 35 and all that I did my best to stick by him and help him threw it all Despite that he couldn't see him self ever being happy again Skip to now! he has a Awsome new girlfriend and they just work He still has thing going on in other aspects of his life but he has her supporting him and a brighter outlook on life. Hang in there 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rock_Steady Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 (edited) I'm having a real emotional rollercoaster. One minute I feel despair, the next, sadness, the next, anger, the next - 'ok'. It's killing me. I think I am coming to terms that it IS over. There'll be no "I made a mistake, take me back" message from her. She's probably dating a guy already. One terrifying thought I had is that I've put 5 years in this. Now I'm single again at 35. I had a look quickly at match.come. ... Anyone my age allways has kids. Or they're very fat/given up. Will probably take a couple of years to get over it and then I'm 37 ffs. I'll have to be finding women with grand children. Aha my young jedi! this is where you find someone 5 - 10 years younger A woman who has focused on her career for the last 10 years or so and is now ready to focus on a relationship. Edited August 12, 2016 by Rock_Steady 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMballistic Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 ^^ What he said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekona Posted August 12, 2016 Share Posted August 12, 2016 So sorry to hear about your cat dude, I know that pain only too well Time to get another one? Pets make the best company, and they'll be happy to have your love 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docwra Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Dont do what a mate of mine is currently doing as well - relationship hadnt been great for a while as they are going in different directions in life and she moves back from their joint owned house to her folks after a couple of big rows. Saw him the other day and he said that they had agreed to go on a holiday together and buy a new 3 piece suite. I said "oh, thats brilliant mate, when is she moving back in?". He says "she isnt, not yet anyway". So youre banging out money on a holiday and a new sofa but she is still staying at her folks? Mug. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squee Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I feel a bit intrusive posting on this thread as I'm of the female variety but just wanted to say 'keep your chin up' Just over 2 years ago I spilt with my ex. We'd been together for 17 years (since the age of 14!). The relationship hadn't been working for some time and, as cliched as it sounds, think we wanted different things from life. In reality we hadn't "lived" as a couple for a few years despite residing under the same roof. It devastated both of us but he a lot more as he didn't want the split. I let him stay in the house and I moved back to my folks for 12 months before buying the house back off him. Fast forward 2 years and we're both very happy in new relationships (which we both got into relatively quickly after the split) and we're still very good friends (and my ex has very graciously extended the hand of friendship to my new man). I think there's a lot more "date-able" women over 30 than folk think. These days women don't feel or have the need to stay in crappy relationships (ie financially independent), many women aren't bothered about having kids or quite happy to leave it up to later in life. Plus us oldies don't play mind games or act as pathetic as girls in their early 20s (well not so much!). OP - were you the Manchester chap that had posted about an unhappy relationship a few months back? (think I remember you saying that your now ex worked on a Manchester soap)? If so then I think you've absolutely done the right thing as your unhappiness has been dragging on for a while now. It must have felt like a knife through the heart when your ex said she wasn't looking to reunite at the moment but at least you know where you stand now. Maybe time will be a healer and after a few months she'll have a change of heart but I can't help thinking it should be 'onwards and upwards' for you now Sorry to hear about the other members going through tough-times and sorry to hear about the cat RabbitStew. I really hope you get some resolve to your situation. S. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 Sorry I haven't got back to everyone. Things getting a bit easier. It does hit me like a ton of bricks now and then though. But keeping busy has been a godsend.I really miss my cat. I still think about how active my life was before. Meals out. Day trips. Cinema trips. Holidays. Social events with her friends. Future plans. Romance. And all year memories. Now there's nothing but work and gym. I need a holiday. All my friends are married with kids so I'll be alone. I've been looking at this.. https://www.exodus.co.uk/united-states-holidays/discover/western-explorer/afl-95866 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glrnet Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Sorry I haven't got back to everyone. Things getting a bit easier. It does hit me like a ton of bricks now and then though. But keeping busy has been a godsend.I really miss my cat. I still think about how active my life was before. Meals out. Day trips. Cinema trips. Holidays. Social events with her friends. Future plans. Romance. And all year memories. Now there's nothing but work and gym. I need a holiday. All my friends are married with kids so I'll be alone. I've been looking at this.. https://www.exodus.c...lorer/afl-95866 Good for you buddy, slowly going in the right direction. I'm sure it's been said already but time is a great healer. Each day you are one day further AWAY from misery and a a day NEARER to some more happiness. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT350 Posted August 17, 2016 Author Share Posted August 17, 2016 Rabbitstew. Really sorry to hear about your cat mate. People don't realise that cats are good companions and all have their own personality. Especially dog owners who think cats are just bland lifeless blank slates. But they're not. My Mclovin used to give me tons of affection and humour and quirks with his personality. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevoD Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Rabbitstew. Really sorry to hear about your cat mate. People don't realise that cats are good companions and all have their own personality. Especially dog owners who think cats are just bland lifeless blank slates. But they're not. My Mclovin used to give me tons of affection and humour and quirks with his personality. Cats are amazing little things i miss my little Enzo so much he passed away a few months back in the night he was only 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBish91 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Stick to the Iron mate, 20kg is 20kg...it's doesn't moan or lie. It's church for us and you know it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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